Do you know that I poke my friends’ wives? And their daughters too? If they are old enough to be on Facebook, they are old enough for poking. They are poke-able to coin a phrase. Heck, I’d poke Mark Zuckerberg too but I’m not that kind of guy.
Before you get your knickers in a tangle let’s be clear on what poke I’m talking about here. I am talking about the good ole friendly Facebook poke. What else did you think? Sicko! You guys remind me of this guy who killed his friend for poking his girlfriend. Read it here. Maybe it was her fault, maybe she didn’t explain to her bf exactly what poke she was talking about. The guy probably came home from work and his girlfriend greeted him with, “Honey, Your friend Tony poked me today.” Put that way, any man would be jealous. I am even jealous just thinking about it right now.
But that wasn’t what happened. The poor guy figured he would give his friend’s gal a little nudge. He died for that seemingly innocent nudge. As ‘Tony’ punched him to death, he repeatedly asked, ‘If you’re such a good friend then why did you poke my missus?’ I didn’t know this but apparently a poke is actually a Facebook flirt! Did you know that? Well now that puts a new spin on it. Do you know my friends’ wives flirt with me? And their daughters too. Just begging me to poke them. If they flirt with me, I will poke em. Even Mark. But I’m still not that type of guy. Homey don’t play that.
A couple of decent-looking Teachers were arrested for having a threesome with a 16 year-old male student after watching Friday night football. Maybe he was tricked into going over to their house for some private lessons. Maybe it wasn’t a trick, maybe it really was private lessons. Maybe they were working on his linguistic ability. So many maybes.
This was wrong on all counts. So wrong! Wrong for these adults to have sexual encounters with a minor and wrong for this damn kid to be so damn lucky! I had a crush on my hot English teacher in high school but not once did I even entertain the thought of having a threesome with her and say my history teacher. In fact I had no clue what a threesome was at 16 years old. Had I known then what I know now…
Back to the story, apparently all this hanky panky happened after watching NFL Friday Night Football. Not sure how that ties in but it did. I am thinking that he didn’t quarterback this arrangement. As can be expected, the boy had some problems keeping this err..uhm, lucky break, under wraps and blabbed to his friends about his accomplishment and that’s how it was made known. As if any 16 year-old would ever keep something like that a secret!
All I can say at this time is Bad teachers! and You lucky ass!
English: The words “Kanye West” in the theme of Kanye West’s “G.O.O.D. Friday” song series’ artwork. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
As further proof that Kanye thinks he is God, he tried forcing wheel-chair bound concert-goers to stand up before he drop his rhymes. ‘All hail the God!’ Apparently Kanye was less than impressed that anyone, crippled or otherwise, would dare sit while in his court.
Kanye even sent out his disciples disguised as bodyguards to see what was causing the hold up. The disciples brought him back word that a few of the holdouts were actually handicapped and couldn’t stand. Mr. West grudgingly accepted their excuses and continued on with the show. He was less than impressed. Poor Kanye.
I hope Kanye never performs at a hospital for sick kids…
Have you been watching Orange Is The New Black? That’s some serious show! Straight up in yer face action of the lesbian kind! I’m telling you! It’s tense. Granted, it does make prison look like a fun place to be. Well at least women prison. I won’t complain if I got thrown in there. Know what else it makes look cool? Lesbians.
If I were a woman, watching OITNB would make me a bit curious. Just a wee bit until I satisfy that curiosity. You feeling me? Heck, even the darn writer of the show is not immune to this. She wrote the show for goodness sakes! You would think she’d be like, “Nah, this shit’s not real. This doesn’t happen in real-life.” Yet after writing/watching/thinking about all that girl-on-girl action, she decided that she wanted in. The woman was married! To a man! She’s now filing for divorce. She wanted a black Poussey! Yes, black Poussey! What? You thought I said pussy? I would never say that! Poussey is one of the inmates on the show. And yes, she’s black.
Lauren Morelli, the show’s writer, decided that the stuff she writes about was so darn hot and out of this world that there was no way her husband could give her that feeling. So she said to hell with it! I’m going in! She’s filing for divorce but before it’s all finalized, she’s already into Poussey. At the Emmy’s, I heard that she couldn’t keep her hands off Poussey. I don’t really blame her, there’s just something about that black Poussey that just makes you…I dunno. Well as the saying goes, once you go black, you’ll never go back.
A 36 year old woman found out she had cervical cancer while playing a dancing game on the Wii console. No, the Wii didn’t tell her that she had cancer.
Emma White apparently had some wetness between her legs from the excitement of dancing. Or so she thought. It turned out she was wrong. Almost dead wrong. Emma had wee wee’d herself! Oui!
So what happened is that she had never wet herself unknowingly before, you could ask her husband, so she sought out medical advise and tests showed that she had cervical cancer. Thanks to her Wii and her wee wee, Emma was able to beat it. Yeah, the game too.
At a football game recently, the Cheerleaders paraded out to the cheers of the crowd. Yes, they were hot and clad in skimpy and sexy outfits. Yes they were pleasing to the eyes. Yes, they revealed a lot of skin. Behind me, a middle-aged man was making fun of his buddy as he leered at the girls old enough to be his granddaughter, “Oh you are going to have a stroke!” he jokingly said. The guy probably was going to have a stroke but it wasn’t the kind his buddy meant.
As I watched the pleasing-to-the-eye distraction, I thought to myself, “Is this really necessary?” With the fake smiles and midriff-baring outfits, leered and lusted at by old men like me. Hey, I was just kidding! I wasn’t lusting! I wondered about the whole meaning and aptness of this. A man’s game with a side show of hot chicks? What’s the connection? Who came up with this stuff? Maybe the same people who thought it was a great idea for hot chicks to do beer commercials and just about anything else that needs selling to the masses?
Back to the cheerleaders. Well they were standing on each other, doing lateral splits that threatened the frail hearts of the aging, falling into the arms of their beefy male catchers, gyrating, waving, doing whatever it takes to charm the crowd. The girls behind me barely noticed, too bad. The men behind me barely noticed a game was going on. Too bad.
Like I said, it’s dumb and utterly useless and maybe even a step back for female empowerment but hey, they looked darn good out there!
The war of words between boxer Floyd Mayweather and rapper 50 Cents continued last week with Mayweather saying that 50 Cents was no longer relevant. Mr. Cents hit back at Floyd, revealing that he had a problem reading. And not because of bad eyesight caused by being punched too many times either.
50 issued a challenge to the already challenged boxer by telling him if he could read a page of Harry Potter without any problems, he would donate 75,000 to a charity. Nice! Well I could settle that debate easily. Floyd doesn’t strike me as a very bright young fella and 50 was borderline relevant to begin with. So in a way, they are both right! Case closed.
50 Cents has 99 problems and reading probably isn’t one. In regards to their particular field, they are both representing quite well. An illiterate boxer and a washed-up rapper. Folks, we have a Mexican standoff!