Yes they are! Haven’t you noticed? No one cares anymore. They are having text while driving with their windows down, in their homes with curtains wide open. I can see them. Some have group texts with friends, foursomes, threesomes, even solo texts. I am not a voyageur but I see it all the time and I can’t help but stare. Look honey, that couple at the dinner table! The chick he’s with is having text with someone else! Poor sap.
There’s text on the dance floor, text on the beach, text everywhere. Their digits moving up and down in textual rhythm. There’s no protection. Unsafe texts but who cares? Who cares about contracting some textual disease? Seems like everyone is a text maniac these days. It’s a pandemic. We are living in a textual society!
Just last week my friend who is kinda texty and also a sex fiend, wanted to get her texts on with me. I declined letting her know I was not having text with her. It didn’t stop her. I had to tell her in plain talk that I found her desirable but couldn’t have text with her at this time. Plus I was married. She ended up having solo text. I saw the whole thing.
Some are discreet and go private when they are having texts. Some are text whores, having texts with just about anyone that want to, or are willing to, have text with them. It’s not a crime but it’s sweeping the nation.
I am not keen on text but if you think we should have texts, send me a message and if I find you texty, you never know…
The dreaded school head lice letter (Photo credit: ChezMummy)
Do you or someone you know take selfies? Do you or someone you know have head lice? How about this, are you a regular selfie taker who happen to also have head lice? Maybe it’s not such a coincidence as you may thing. It turns out that the two are connected. How? Don’t ask silly questions. It’s plain as day. Let’s put our heads together on this one. Oh actually, let’s not.
I read somewhere, probably here, that head lice is prevalent among selfie-taking taking teen girls. This is due to girls putting their heads together when taking a photo of themselves. No idea on how the other person got the lice in the first place but with my dirty mind, I’m thinking that perhaps their partner had pubic lice and…nevermind. Too much information.
So next time you decide to take a selfie with your bffs, make sure you know where your head is at all time and keep it to yourself.
Did you know that tigers in China don’t like to eat Chinese food? I know, you’d think it would be their favorite meal but no they really don’t like it. I am not bs’ing you. Listen.
Some guy in a Chinese zoo, no, he wasn’t in a cage. He was in the zoo as a visitor. Well not in the zoo but rather at the zoo. Happy now? So anyways, here’s this guy at the zoo thinking to himself, man I feel like offering up myself as a living sacrifice to that tiger over there. Do Asians talk like that anyways? Who knows and who cares? I am not sure what came over him but according to the news I got, he climbed a tree, got into the tiger’s enclosure and started making funny movements in hopes of getting the tiger’s attention and hopefully get gobbled up.
The poor uncooked Chinese-food hopeful was disappointed that the tiger looked at him like he was last weeks food. After some more tempting and teasing and attempts to make himself more tantalizing, I heard that the animal grabbed him by his neck, shook him maybe to add some sense into him then released him, untasted. Bam! How embarrassing for the poor asian fella. Not even a hungry tiger wants to eat him. Maybe he was too little? Nah, I still think tigers just don’t like chinese food.
So I am thinking of becoming an accountant. I hate math. I hate anything to do with numbers. Then why would I want to be an accountant then? Well to tell you the truth, it’s not just a plain old accountant. I am talking about working for dumb rich people who have so much money that they can’t keep track of it.
Take Rihanna for example, she recently claimed that due to her accountant’s screw up, she actually went bankrupt. Then Brian McKnight, you know him right? Yes, the singer. He too is blaming his accountant. Apparently the accountant was not paying his taxes. They are but two of the scores of celebs who said that their accountants misappropriated funds.
I can misappropriate funds with the best of them. I can miss a few tax payments too. I know, I have done it. Just kidding, I haven’t. But seriously, if I could do whatever I want with these twits’ money while they are too busy doing whatever rich people do, then why not apply? I mean I can make sure that they always have enough to keep their drug supply going.
Yes sir, that’s the job for me. It’s literally a gold mine out there just waiting to be exploited. It’s taking advantage of the vulnerable but so what? They take advantage of the vulnerable too, don’t they? Lip syncing, giving us lame songs and we buy it. We go to their concerts. It’s pay back baby! Say hi to your new accountant…
English: Tim McGraw and Faith Hill at the 2009 American Music Awards (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I usually never blog about Hollywood crap…ok fine, who I am kidding? The best blogs are those poking fun of celebrities and their wacky ways. Well this one is not so wacky. In fact it’s quite serious. Did you hear that Tim McGraw and Faith Hill are calling it quits? Yes, the one-time country power couple are divorcing! That’s serious man.
Reliable sources, no not The Enquirer, claim that Tim has fallen for a young masseuse. Methinks Faith probably rubbed him the wrong way…Well I for one am shocked. There was just something about these two. The way they looked at each other, the songs they sang…they sure had chemistry. It doesn’t matter that the one time hottie, Faith Hill is a bit older and perhaps not as hot as she was before but still…
I love the Olympics, both winter and summer. With athletes performing at the top of their game, looking chiseled and tool, doing what they do best, it’s just awesome! Then there’s the two-man luge.
I never paid much attention to it until last week’s even at the Sochi Olympics. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever watched it. For those of you who either don’t enjoy watching the Olympics or just don’t know what a two-man luge is, it’s basically what it says. Two men in a tiny luge. Yep, they are lying on each other.
I find it rather disturbing, this two-man luge. (Well duh, if I didn’t I won’t be blogging about it). If you are not gay before going down that slippery slope, after a few practice rounds you might start to entertain the idea. Even just a wee bit.
The Mayor of Sochi who before the game proclaimed that “Sochi does not have any gays” must be rolling in his grave. Oh sorry, just been informed that he’s alive and well. I was probably thinking of Putin. He’s alive and well too? Well never mind. Let’s just say that those homophobes are doing a slow burn each time a well-lubed luge slide down the grease path with two men in a compromising position. Hell, even I cringe at the sight.
With an organ that’s liable to react to the slightest friction, there’s no way another of my kind is rubbing his rump on my nether region in the name of sports. A mixed pair I wouldn’t mind. Or even a four person team with three women and the token male to do the heavy lifting. I hear those luge are heavy. I wonder if the Dufour-Lapointe sisters are interested…