Honey, what’s that noise?

“Honey, what’s that noise?” My wife’s words would interrupt my dreams and bring me from the depths of sleep, unwillingly.  I faintly hear a sound of something as my sense of hearing is not yet re-adjusted and tuned to my worldly surroundings.  “Hmm…I dunno”. I replied groggily.  Laying it on a bit in the hopes that she would recognize that I was in a deep sleep and let me continue from where I left off.  It was not to be.

“What is it, Babes?”  She asked.  Well, we are both lying in bed, I was way off in la la land frolicking with Jessica Biel and Jessica Alba until you rudely woke me up.  How would I know what was making that sound?  Maybe it was a cat but since we don’t have a cat, I will say the dog.  Come to think of it, we don’t own a dog so let’s go with ghost. Yes, a ghost.  Our house is haunted!  Wait, not so fast.  I haven’t explored all options yet.  Maybe it was a precariously balanced object succumbing to gravity.  I like that one as it exercised my vocabulary and made me sound smart.  But honey, I have not clue what it is.

“Can you go check?”  Again she persists.  “Hell no!  I am not going down there to face who or whatever made that noise!”  I declared.  “Well you are the man of the house! You should.”  Gosh, if I knew that being a man came with all these responsibilities I would have been a girl.  “Fine!  I’ll go check.  You stay here under your comfy covers!”  Armed to the teeth with a shoe and broom, she tiptoed out of the bedroom and that’s the last time I saw my wife.  Just kidding, it’s not a fairy tale, this is true stuff.

So off she went to confront the noise-maker and rude-waker-upper.  Two minutes later, she was back.  Shoe uncocked and unloaded, broom re-sheathed. “What was it?”  I ventured to ask.  “Oh nothing.  Just the furnace.”

I closed my eyes and tried to summon up the Jessicas again.  Come back girls! Daddy’s back.  Now where were we?

The joys of being man…

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