Watching Internet Porn Can Cause Memory Loss, Says Study

Have you been experiencing some problems with remembering stuff like where you put your keys or your favorite websites?  Then you could be watching too much internet porn.  Not sure how much is too much but it can cause you memory loss.

 

Why just internet porn?  I have no idea.  I can watch all the porn I want on TV but not on the internet?  I think the networks and television people are trying to sabotage the internet people.  ‘Stop watching cheap internet porn and rent a real porno flick tonight’ could be the hidden message here.  Somebody is trying to screw somebody, folks.  (Not that way you sick bastards!)

 

Back to the memory thing, how does watching a couple go at it on the internet make one lose their memory?  Hey, I just had a thought, what if you were to stream it to your tv?  Would it still have the same effect?  Would it still be considered internet porn?  If so, I think I just came up with something big!  Check this out:   WANT TO WATCH INTERNET PORN WITHOUT SUFFERING FROM MEMORY LOSS?  THIS LITTLE GADGET WILL STREAM ALL YOUR PORN STRAIGHT TO YOUR TV FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT.  CALL NOW WHILE YOU STILL CAN REMEMBER THE NUMBER.  I can invent a device that is made specifically to stream porn from your internet to your tv!  I know there are already such devices but so what? Maybe I can call it the PornStreamer or something like that.  Today, I pronounce myself a genius!

 

Anyways, internet porn is a bit more convenient to watch.  That’s what I heard.  I heard it’s better in that you can take your laptop or internet ready device with you to the bathroom or any place you would like to be to alone.  I heard it that it really sucks to watch it when you are distracted or regularly interrupted.  I heard lots of stuff. I got lots of friends.

 

I won’t be around for a while because I have a bunch of stuff to catch up with.  No, not

 

internet porn.  You wish!  I still have Christmas shopping to do, house to clean, drinks to make and all those fun stuff.    I am sure when I return, most of you would not remember me but still, Have yourself a wonderful Christmas, if you can remember what that is…

 

 

 

Very touching. I have to reblog

Musings Of A Daddy

heavenI am glad you are in Heaven

My bundle of joy.

No more bad people to hurt

Mommy’s little boy.

It’s so hard not to cry

Mommy felt your pain

As that bad man shot his gun

Again and again.

 

It’s hard not to ask

The question ‘why’

Why did it happen?,

Why did you die?

Why did he enter

Your school with a gun?

Why you my pumpkin?

Why you, my dear son?

 

It just won’t be Christmas

At our house this year

No sound of your laughter

No sight of you near.

Daddy sends his love

Your grandpa does too

And your friend Jessie

Said she loves and misses you.

 

Rest now my son

On angels’ wings sleep

I will be strong

I’ll try not to weep

You are in Heaven now, son

In peace may you rest

Your head forever

On God’s loving chest.

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Jesus Look-Alike Given The Boot. Lmao!

Jesus H. Christ

Jesus H. Christ (Photo credit: angelofsweetbitter2009)

A man looking very much like Jesus, showed up at a darts tournament to take in the game and maybe down a few cold ones.  He wasn’t bothering anyone but apparently, looking like the Holy One is bothersome enough to some as a few spectators and even players took exception to Jesus’ body double being in attendance.

Here’s how I imagined it going down.  You can always read the real story by following the links below as I tend to exaggerate a bit sometimes.

“What the heck is Jesus doing here?  I am not playing if he’s there.  I can’t play with him staring at me like that.  He spooks me.  Either he leaves or I leave.”

“Man, are you sure that’s what Jesus looked like?  Just cuz he’s got a beard and shit doesn’t mean jack.  I am here to play darts not play ‘name that celebrity’.  You in or out?”

The crowd started chanting, ‘Stand up if you love Jesus’ to the disapproval of the other athletes.

“How can we play like this?  He’s a distraction.  Plus he looks as me as if he is accusing me of something.”

The owner was called.  He walked up to the look-alike.  “Jes…I meant sir, you will have to leave.  The other players are distracted by your looks.  Your beard rubs them the wrong way.  I say get out of here before we have a hanging.”

“Crucify him! Crucify him!”  Yelled the crowd.  The look-alike, hearing this said, “He who is without gin, cast the first dart.”  No one moved.  “Bulleye!’  He said calmly, “You guys are drunk.  I am not who you say I am.  I am not even an only son as I have 3 brothers.  I am leaving but unlike the who-you-say-I-look-like, I won’t forgive you for denying me the chance to enjoy a good game of darts. Hope you rot in hell!”  With that he was gone.

God, if this blog is blasphemous to you in any way, please forgive me.  I trust that you are a God with a keen sense of humor and would find the funny in it. Thank you again for sending your son to die for us.  Amen.

Gang Kills Man. Gangnam That Is.

thIt was bound to happen sometime.  I saw it coming and you did too.  The most over-hyped thing to hit us in a long time has turned into a killer!

Before I go any further, I will first acknowledge the poor guy that died leaving his three kids and wife behind.  (Well it’s not like they wanted to go with him).  May his soul rest in peace.

My work is having its Christmas party tomorrow, Saturday and knowing the dj was of course going to play Gangnam style,  I was actually planning to do a dance spoof of it..  Yeah, I know, I hate the darn thing but so what?  I hate broccoli too but sometimes I eat it.

I am thinking that the newspapers’ headline for that poor guy could very well have been mine.  ‘Father of three dies while doing the Gangnam‘.  I am a father of three in case you missed that.

I don’t want to make too many funnies about this because someone lost their life and that’s not funny.  Like seriously, what if a family member was to read my blog about it? How would they feel?   Sounds like the deceased was a real fun guy, busting a move at his party and all…totally sounds like me.  I’m glad he beat me to it and halted my plan in its tracks.

Moral of the story.  Hmm…I dunno.  There is no moral.  Well… maybe dance like you are dying because you might really be? You choose.

Breaking News! Rapper Dissed!!

Ice-T

Ice-T (Photo credit: pinksugarproductions)

On a slow news day, it is being reported that rapper Ice-T has been dissed.  So what’s new, right? That’s what I said too.  Rappers diss and get dissed all the time.

Well the one doing the disrespecting was none order than Ice-T’s wife of eleven years, CoCo Austin. She apparently took some naughty photos of her with another rapper.  The photos showed up all over the internet and made Ice-T ‘feel like sh@t’.  The man needs to lay down some law and order in his home.

Ice-T is no stranger to the dissing game as he dissed the police in a rap song years and years and years ago.  He also dissed Soulja Boy of ‘Crank That’ by telling him that he killed Hip Hop.  Soulja’s response was “This nigga Ice-T is old as f*ck.  This nigga is old enough to be my great grandfather. He’s the forefather of my nuts.”.  Nice!   Rappers are so eloquent.

Back to CoCo Austin.  Doesn’t that name reminds you of a stripper?  She’s not.  She’s a good catholic school girl.  Seriously.  If you don’t believe me, click here and read it for yourself.

Hip Hoppers and their drama…

What Facebook Statuses,Comments And Likes Really Mean

Image representing Facebook as depicted in Cru...

Image via CrunchBase

So Beverly is having relationship issues.  Well her man dumped her like last week’s garbage.  After first crying on her bff’s shoulder,  she immediately goes on Facebook and writes, *Sigh*.  That’s it, that’s all.  Just ‘sigh’.  Judy, who is the bff mentioned earlier, comments within a minute. “Sorry hon.  Hugs. We should go drinking soon.”  Now don’t be fooled by Judy’s sympathetic comments.  What Judy really means is “Shit Beverly, that’s three guys this year alone! Maybe the problem is you.  Maybe you should quit picking up guys at the bars.  My mom thinks you are a whore.”

Did you noticed that even though Beverly’s status did not mention that she was having a specific problem, Judy made sure that everyone would know Beverly was having a rough time but she did it in a sly way.  Nice friend.

Now how about this one…Let’s say you, yeah  you,  got a promotion at work. (Undeservedly of course but good thing it’s just an example) You being the Facebook addict you are and starving for attention, brags about it on  your status. “Got a big promotion at work!  Woot! Woot!”  Tony, your buddy, adds his two cents.  “Yeah buddy! Congrats!”  He works with you so what he is really  saying is, “Nice! You got the job while I sit and grow old in my dead-end position. Just dandy.  Asshole!”  Nice friend.

“Our baby has arrived!” is a popular status on Facebook posted by freshly minted parents and “Congrats” is the natural response.  Some of those congrats actually mean, “Another effing baby??  Aren’t you on welfare? How the hell do you afford to get pregnant every Monday morning?  Must be nice to be able to sit on your ass and get pregnant while some of us work!” I tell you folks, do not take these comments at face value.

Ever wondered why some people feel the need to post a status like, “Having so much fun here in Jamaica.  Hubby and I are just sitting on the beach sipping on margaritas.”  Oh really? sounds wonderfully romantic.  What that status really means is, “Oh how I wish I could get a piece of that black Rasta waiter.  My husband is boring and he’s getting fat.  At least this is a good spot to check out the Jamaicans.

The people who clicked on the  ‘like’ button are actually thinking,  “If you are having so much fun, why are you on your damn phone?  Is Hubby that boring?” or  “Fun my ass!  Wait a minute!  Didnt’ even know you were married!” Some are less rude and are simply thinking, “ I am so jealous.”  Nice friend.

Last scenario.  Betsy is proud of her accomplishments. She has lost 10 pounds in the last month, or so she claims.  “Woo hoo! Down 10 pounds in 4 weeks!” Brags her status.  Betsy also posts a photo of her ‘new’ look and even though you gave it your best shot, you can’t tell the difference.  Do you think her other friends can because their comments are,  “You go girl! Looking damn good!” and “Hottie!”  Come on now, we all know they are lying and actually mean, “Sorry hon, can hardly notice it but if you say so.”  Or even, “What??  You lost 10 pounds my ass!

Betsy, ok let’s change Betsy, she’s had enough.  Mike, uploads a photo of himself.  He looks like crap. Unshaven, tired or has a hangover but he’s smiling.  Instead of maintaining their silence, his fake friends comments are, “Nice look. Loving the beard.”  and “Cute pic.”  No one would actually say what they are really thinking.  “Mike buddy, you really should clean yourself up before you go public with a pic like that.  Not looking good buddy.”  Or, “Hahaha, Mike you are brave to put that pic up.  You look like Grizzly Adams.”

Disclaimer:  The views expressed are not necessarily that of the blogger, no sir, they are those of the commenters and the likers on Facebook.  Bear in mind that not everyone has a hidden agenda and sometimes a comment is just that, a comment, and a like is genuinely liked.

Preparing for Doomsday

doomsday_sign

doomsday_sign (Photo credit: matt.ohara)

 

I might get a memo at work from the boss:  “Guys, we have just been told that Doomsday is for real.  This throws a wrench into production and our bottom line.  We are now forced to move month end up to December 20th.  Please have all your figures in.  I wish you and your family a safe Doomsday.  Sales, please finalize all contracts.  Thank you.”  “P.S.  We will break early on the 20th so we could spend time with our families but those who wish to  stay at work are welcome to do so.  They will be paid overtime.”

 

My mom would panic.  Everything panics her.  She would call me a dozen times in the same minute.  “Did you hear the news?  Just heard it on CNN or was it TSN? or TNN? one of those stations.  The Gloomsday is coming.”  You mean ‘Doomsday’ mom?  “Yeah Yeah, Doomsday.  I have to go catch up water and pack some clothes and go to Walmart and Dollarama and Giant Tiger.”  Clothes mom? Why are you going shopping?  Nevermind, talk to you later.  “Make sure you guys catch up water too.”  Ok mom.  “Oh and by the way, Walmart has half-off sales on everything. No returns or exchanges but you can walk out with stuff as the greeter has called in sick.” Bye mom.

My mother-in-law would be almost the same.  Calling us every two minutes.  “I saw it on the PVR that the thing is for real, guys.  What do they call it? Doomsy or Tombsday?”  You mean Doomsday?  “Yeah, whatever, hahaha.  Are you guys scared? I am not.  As a matter of fact, I’m drunk right now. hahaha.  No shit.  Your father-in-law is drunk too”  (She’s not a drunk).

My Dad would try to be Mr. Know-it-all as usual.  As he toys with his umpteenth drink he would say to no one in particular, “Doomsday is bunk.  Not gonna happen. Hic! Trust me.  It’s impossible.  Hic!  I bet you on my children’s lives that it won’t happen.  Where and who are my children anyways?  Ah who cares? Never cared about them then, I still don’t care now” Hic…Hic.

 

What would my wife do?  She would make sure everything was clean.  Not sure about the logic there.   Maybe having a clean environment would turn the Doom off.  “It’s our last chance to clean. Let’s make it count guys.  Oh, let’s get the Christmas tree up too.  Come on!  Move it!  We don’t have all week! Get off your ass!”  Ok honey.

 

Good thing it’s not going to happen.  Or is it?  Hey, Do they blog in heaven?  Follow me and we’ll find out together.