Honey, I’m stuck on you! I mean in you!

Like conjoined sex twins

Like conjoined sex twins

A Kenyan man suspecting his wife was cheating on him, went out and got some black magic, (No pun and where the hell does one find black magic??) and put it on his poor unsuspecting wife.  I am not sure where he put it and what it even looked like.  Was it a powder? How did he apply it without her knowing?  That’s what the story says.

Anyways, the other half of the cheating duo hooked  up for his regular fuel dip.  He inserted his dipstick in her tank, moved it around a bit then tried to remove it.  Uh oh…something wasn’t right here.  He tried again.  Nope, it wasn’t withdrawing!   He could not extricate himself from his partner’s love nest!  His wiener was stuck in her bun.  Her snapper had gotten hold of his meat.  He was snatched by her snatch. His manhood was…sorry, I was on a roll there, wasn’t I?

So while this young Latin Kenyan lover was plugged into his partner, a crowd had gathered outside. Don’t ask me how they found out.  Maybe he cried out for help.  I dunno.  But the army also showed up in full riot gear.  The fricking army showed up to watch these people have sex!  This is big!  The soldiers tried to get the husband to release the magic from his cheating wife so the poor guy’s penis could be released.   “Sir, this is a direct order!  Release this young man’s dick from your wife’s vagina immediately!”  The cheated-on husband declined but after the snatched guy promised to pay him an agreeable sum, he gave in and released the snatched from the snatch of the snatcher.  The first thing Snatched did upon release was dash to the nearest ATM machine.  To him, a withdrawal never felt better.

I am still not quite sure how what kind of magic, other than viagra, could do this to anyone. Ok, pardon me for being blunt, but after ejaculating, the penis shrinks to an embarrassing size and makes for easy withdrawals, whether the man is ready or not.  It might take more than one ejaculation but that’s how it works. Usually.   A woman’s passage is not built to allow for a lockdown.  During sex, it is a moist channel.  So how is it possible for her slippery slope to trap the slippery skier?  Black magic or not.

Sorry, I warned you that I was going to be blunt.  This ain’t your mommy’s cookbook.  To make a long story short, the prisoner was released and bail money was paid and all was well.  I am sure that the young man would never again be caught with his pants down without an escape route.  Last I heard he was having post withdrawal symptoms.


Planking, Owling, And Now Milking?

Milking it

Milking it

Stop this crazy bus, I want to get off!  Just when you thought it was safe to go out as the crazies were gone, here comes another dumb and even stupider internet craze, Milking.

Milking is apparently the new internet craze developed by bored students.  The same students came up with Planking and Owling.  Remember those?  They were equally dumb, weren’t they?

So anyways, you know what I think? You don’t care?  I’m gonna tell you whether you care or not. I think that the aliens have already landed without us knowing.  Think about all those sightings that have been reported around the world.  They had to land somewhere.   They came and they have switched bodies with a few of us.  Well maybe not exactly ‘us’ but University students because they thought they would be smarter than us but the joke’s on them.  The stupidest people are found in places of higher learning.

Extreme planking in my cubicle at the office #...

Aliens at work

I am not done yet.  So these self-same aliens are using the students to do dumb things like planking, owling, milking, hazing and stupid stuff like that.  Don’t blame the students, their minds have been taken over. Trust me, I have researched this extensively.  The aliens are to blame!  That’s what I think at least.  You really think this cute girl jumped up on her dresser just cuz?  Look at her face, she seems like she’s fighting a mental battle with the alien for possession of her mind. Poor girl.  Or maybe in her confusion, she mistook the dresser for the toilet. Oh my!

Cute Alien Owling

Cute Alien Owling

Know what else I think?  I think that the world is really going to end on December 21st.  Oh yes.  It will.  Know why?  Cuz all this stupidity and alien takeovers have to end somewhere.  We can’t milk it forever.

So there you have it, I blame it all on the Aliens.  Come on, how else can civilized people act so darn dumb?  Hello, we have smart phones and shit.

And it goes to show being in University does not necessarily means you are smart, right? Ok maybe half and half or 2% smart.

See you later, gotta go get me some milk for me head cereal.