To me, one of the most degrading moments in my experiences with doctors has to be the time when I had to take a sperm sample. It trumped walking down hospital halls with my rear end exposed in those less-than flattering robes with the split down the backside. Or the front, depending on how you wear it. Trumps being fondled while I turn to the side and coughed. Even trumped getting a suddenly gigantic-seeming Q-tip inserted into my suddenly too-small urethra opening in my penis. Yes. It was downright degrading and embarrassing.
It all started when I had my Vasectomy. As a follow-up to make sure that no swimmers were making it pass the dam, I had to take a sperm sample for testing. That in itself is not that bad. After all what’s one more masturbation, right? What was bad was that I had to do it while at work and it had to be in the winter.
There was a window of time that I had to get the sample to the lab by or else it would be worthless. (Hence the ‘at work’). So there I was in my workplace washroom trying to conjure up dirty thoughts but all I could think of was the people just outside the bathroom door. I work in a construction business, not hot girls here. I thought to myself, If they only knew what I’m doing right now...The sound of their voices did nothing to enhance the mood.
Finally, after much coaxing, I was able to procure the reluctant visitor and held him for questioning. I placed it under my shirt and close to my body to maintain body temperature and hurried to my car. As I drove to the lab, I was hoping that I would find a close parking, I wouldn’t fall and I wouldn’t be pulled over. Thankfully, none of those happened.
At the counter, it was awkward opening my jacket like a street peddler and extracting my ware. I read the woman’s face as she took it from me. Hmmm….so, where and how did you get this? What dirty thoughts ran through your mind? Did you use a magazine? Did you think of Jennifer Aniston nude? As she took it, I felt a bit sorry and apologetic for her, not sure why.
Maybe I’m a prude after all. I am not a new-cummer or as they say, a Johnny Cum-Lately but that ordeal left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Pardon the comparison. I didn’t relish being forced to play with myself to orgasm. I felt raped but by my own hands.
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