Excuse Me Hon, Can I Lick You There?

Hmmm...I love you so so much!

Hmmm…I love you so so much!

Man this world is getting weirder and freaker by the day.  Open up your browser and you don’t have to look far to read about some zany craze that is sweeping the globe.  Planking, Owling, Cinnamon Challenge, Gangnam, Eyeball licking…Yes, eyeball licking is the next big thing among teens.  It originated in Japan but is quickly spreading to other countries.  As if kissing or having sex wasn’t good enough to let your partner know that you loved them, you now have to lick their eyeballs to really send the message.  Because nothing says ‘I love you’ like a good licking of the eyes.  Man, we have really come a long way…

Now, if you are like me you are probably wondering, “Who came up with this crap?”  Some kid sitting there watching tv with his girlfriend just thought to himself, “Hmmm, I wonder what my gf would say if I licked her eyeballs?  Hey babes, want me to lick your eyeballs? I would be gentle if it’s your first time.”  She would have to reply in the affirmative for this dumb craze to take off.  So her response would be something like, “Well to be honest, I have been licked by Jeff from the basketball team and Tony, the quarterback.  My friend Melissa licked me once too.  So sure, like my eyeballs, babes.”  And the rest is history.

Kids sitting around the corners in the hallway like squeegee kids ready to lick some teenaged eyeballs?  Seriously folks, life as we know it is fast disappearing.  We are doomed. Smarts are scarce.  Get beamed up if you can! But hurry!

And as if parents didn’t have enough to worry about, now instead of telling our  daughters to keep their legs closed, we have to tell them to keep their damn eyes closed now too?  Who wants to see their kid being someone’s eye candy?

Note:  Eyeball licking has been known to spread diseases including herpes and conjunctivitis.

OMG!! She really loves me!

OMG!! She really loves me!

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