The Old Lady Had To Die. And The Boss Too

I am sorry, Old Lady

I am sorry, Old Lady

I killed the Old Lady and my boss fired me.  Simple as that but let me explain before you go jumping to accusatory conclusions.  I haven’t or didn’t actually kill anyone.  I killed them in my head due to work related stress due to overload of responsibilities.  Ok ok, let me explain better than that as you seem all confused.

In a couple of blogs way back, you might have caught on that I was becoming more and more stressed out at work.  Here and Here.  The ‘Old Lady’, my boss, his boss, gossipy people…you know how it is. An undesirable work environment.  So I killed the old lady.  She died a million different ways in my mind as I conjured up painful ways of eliminating her and her grating ways.  Between murdering her, I also lay a hurting on my boss for his uncaring and unprofessional attitude.  As I smiled and wished him good morning, I played over his demise in my mind.  I was like an angry hulk, smashing everything that caused me pain.  They sure wouldn’t like me when I was angry.

Just when I was running out of ways to extinguish the office poisons, the boss, who had apparently escaped his virtual death, released me. Yes, fired me.  He probably saved my life and perhaps his. And perhaps the old lady’s. Save by the bell!  I thanked him wordlessly as he read me my rights.  My terms of release they call it.  Drop whatever you were doing and get the hell outta here! Well he didn’t say it that way but knowing him, that’s what he meant.  As I walked out of the meeting with him and the HR buzzard, I couldn’t resist murdering the both of them again.

Their tortured screams followed me all the way to my car. I cranked the stereo to drown them out. Bob Marley sang ‘Don’t worry’ to me and as I drove into unemployment and I thought, ‘Every little thing, is gonna be alright…’

Goodbye Old Lady.  Officer, it was assisted suicide.

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Friday Folly: NJ Bus Driver Takes Matter In His Own Hands

Almost there.

Almost there.

Have you ever had ‘the urge’ while driving?  Don’t act all innocent with me.  You know what ‘the urge’ is.  That sudden and unshakeable feeling to touch yourself because it’s risky and voyeuristic.  Like me, you probably ignored it and then it goes away.  Right?  Are we on the same page now?  If we aren’t, it’s still ok. I am not here to judge you on what you do on your own time. Nothing wrong with some playing time while driving.  As long as you are not doing it while ferrying people.  Actually, if you are a hot female bus driver, feel free to do as you please.  Pretend I’m not there.  Oh and please allow me to film you. I promise that I won’t turn it over to the cops.

A NJ bus driver has made a splash, (note pun) when a passenger recorded him while he was spanking his monkey.  To be fair, the guy probably had a moment of insanity and thought that he was actually shifting gears.  So let’s not be too quick to crucify the player.  The fact that he played the game until he finally scored should also be noted.

George Simpson, the driver who was caught red wet handed, was released without pay and charged with a bunch of crimes.  Some commuters apparently complained about being hot and bothered by his display but due to common sense, were unable to take care of business.  They are suing George for undue duress.  (I heard through the grapevine that when George screamed out in ecstasy during orgasm, a few moans were heard coming from the back of the bus).

So next time a bus driver offers you his hand to shake, bump fists instead.  Unless you want to get pregnant…

10 March 2007 (Auckland bus driver)

Nothing like a little nap after the deed

One Award Down, A Few More To Go!

versatile-bloggerMy blog pal over at bekkysworld has nominated me as a recipient of The Versatile Blogger Award!  I am touched that someone actually thinks that my brain droppings would be deserving of any award.  I know I have a funny and distinct writing style that begs to be read and I also try and stay true to my blogs and not pretend or misrepresent how I really feel, but still…An award? Versatile blogger? Me? No way! You didn’t Bekky! No Ms. Evans, say it ain’t so.

Ok, it is so and I am proud and glad at this moment to accept this thing award.  I will put it on my mantle piece…oh wait, what?  It’s not an actual thing? Not tangible?  Then Bekky, could you please tell me how the heck I am supposed to show it off to my mom and the rest of my non-blog-educated family?  You gave me an award that I can’t even show to anyone?  Well again, thanks a lot, Ms. Evans!  And to boot, you want me to write 7 things about myself?  You don’t ask for much now, do you?  Well here goes…

1.  I am a performer who suffers serious anxiety when I have to perform.  (Not in bed, silly ass!)

2.  My favorite food is pizza and I love pizza hut.

3.  LIke that Bekky from bekkysworld, I love to read.  I also write poetry and songs

4.  I am a Christian

5.  I take personal delight in getting a like and/or a follow on my blogs.  I get a high that lasts for hours.

6. If I could be someone else and somewhere else, guess what? I would choose to be me and be right here. Boring eh?

7.  Humor is extremely important to me and I enjoy seeing people happy and laughing.  I enjoy that even more than getting a like or a follow.  So smile today and make me happy.

And now I must nominate some other deserving bloggers.  My picks are:

sassandbalderdash

clownonfire

littlemisswordy

myvuze

baconandjackrussells

Note:  If the nominees are unable to accept their awards, a proxy could be assigned.  If nominees still fail or refuse to be a part of this reputable award, then they could go and um..er…ahm…write a blog or something!