Wacky Wednesday: Fifty Shades Of What?

th-2Say what? They are planning on making a movie based on the book ‘Fifty Shades Of Grey’?  Well I don’t know too much about that book except from what I got from peering over my wife’s shoulder as she read it.  Oh, and from the snippets of information she kept passing to me. (Like I care), Oh, and from those times I actually picked it up when she wasn’t home and skim-read it.  It was just porn in written form, that’s it that’s all.  Oh and badly written to boot.  What’s to make a movie of?  No! Of course I’m not jealous!  What’s there to be jealous of?  Mr. Grey?  Gimme a break, he’s fictitious! Who cares if that hunk Charlie Hunman (Jax from Sons of Anarchy), is cast to play  the role of the over-sexed Christian Grey? It’s still dumb! Good thing he changed his mind and wanted nothing to do with this joke.

Ok, let’s pretend for a minute that I am a married middle-aged, sex-starved woman who ate the book up like a cop at a doughnut buffet.  I know it’s make belief but my mind has conjured up this larger-than-life picture of Christian.  He’s as hot as they come and he could fulfil my wildest sexual desire at anytime.  Oh yeah! Bring it on Mr. Grey! You hot hunk of burning love!  Now, how do I react to hearing that my favorite book of all time is coming to a theatre next to me?  Hmm, maybe I would be coming in a theatre next to you…Sorry for that juicy tidbit.

Ugh! ok, you can stop pretending now.  Back to reality here people! There are way better books out there that are way more movie worthy.  So why not them? Why this garbage? Sorry ladies, it. is. garbage.  Plain and simple. Nothing else. And no, for the last time, I AM NOT JEALOUS!!! If you ask me, it’s just a cheap reason for housewives to read and watch porn without the guilt.  And you dare call me a dirty man for reading Hustler and Playboy? (For the records, I don’t).

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I’ll let  you in on a little secret, there are way better erotic movies out there that can get your juices flowing, if you know what I mean. As a matter of fact, just last week, me and the wife rented a movie called…wait a minute! It’s none of your business.

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