Warning: Blog contains graphic detail of catheter inserted in penis and the odd sexual innuendo.
Today I had the worst experience of my life in terms of pain and discomfort. I made the mistake of complaining to my doctor about some issues I was having about two months ago with my bladder. After sending me to see a urologist, I was booked for a Urodynamic Assessment. Don’t know what that is? You will by the time you are through reading this blog.
I had an idea what I was in for as I read up a bit on it. I knew something was going to be inserted into my urethra. I also knew it would cause some pain, but nothing prepared me for what was in store. Nothing could.
When I checked in, I was sent to a change room to don a robe and gown, much to my dismay. I always feel a little less of a man when wearing that dreaded gown. Plus, I had nothing on underneath! I was sent to sit with a bunch of old timers dressed like I was. They were all hooked up to IV’s and I suspected were there to have various ‘old timers’ procedures. There were two women among them and the thought that they too were naked underneath the flimsy cloth made me feel just a bit uncomfortable.
Remember I blogged a while back that I have this fear of having erections at the wrong places, like massage tables etc.? Here. Well as I sat crossed-leg, I thought, “What if I get a hard-on and then they come to get me?” The thought terrified me so much that I was determined not to let that happen. I started to think of nonsexual things. Like the old timers sitting with me.
I was supposed to report for my procedure with a full bladder and by the time the nurse came to get me, I could barely stand. I wanted to go! Bad! She called my name and asked how I was doing and I replied, “I really really want to pee!”
In the room, I sat in visible distress as she went over what was to take place. She placed a long plastic object on the table and informed me that it was to be used as the probing object. It would be inserted into the tiny hole in my pee pee and all the way into my bladder. The thought alone made me ill.
As if it wasn’t bad enough, this young female nurse was the one who was going to administer my torture! She sent me to lie on the bed while she prepared the tools of her trade. Lying there, we talked about our lives, The Voice, family, etc. I was getting rather comfortable with her. So comfortable that again I thought, “What if I get a hard-on right here? How embarrassing would that be?” So I bit my fingers to distract myself. Then thought of what lay ahead.
Then she was hovering over me, lifting up my robe and gown exposing my privates. Thanks darling, I needed that. Then she showed me a small pack of antiseptic wipes. Or was it gel? Not sure. “I am going to wipe you with this, ok?” I nodded. I had no choice as I was at her mercy.
She took hold of my member and gently wiped it. Then again. As she wiped the underside where the nerves were, I instantly felt myself reacting to it. (Come on! I am human! Don’t go judging me!) Oh gosh no! Seriously? Kill me now! Please nurse, stop wiping and get on with it! This was bad. Down boy! Down! This is the absolutely worst time!
The nurse must have felt the sudden change too because all of a sudden the wipe was out of her hand and replaced by the catheter, like a magician. And just like a magician, it was suddenly being pushed into my urethra! OH. MY. GOD!
I knew it was going to be bad but had no clue what bad was. It felt like a scaly garter snake slithering up my penis! While she urged me to breathe in and exhale through my mouth, I thrashed and writhed and clenched my fists. Then I groaned then half screamed. I was in agony. Distress. Traumatized. Violated. And I was dying. I wanted to stop her. Call it off. Anything to make her/it go away. I also wanted to kill her and her entire family. Whatever it took to make this stop. I hated her!
After what seemed like an eternity in hell, it was all in. I whimpered inside like a wounded animal. The violation was not over. She then inserted another object into my anus as part of the test. So I was DP’d. Wow! Could you say EMBARRASSED?
When it was all done, I told her that it was officially the worst experience of my life. I have an excellent pain threshold but this was not pain. This was something else.
Against my better judgement, I went back to work and shared my story. Well it made me the butt of jokes for the day. Oh and no pun intended.