Friday Folly: Osama Bin Laden On Doomed Airline?

Remembering MH370

Remembering MH370 (Photo credit: khengsiong)

I have been following the story about the missing Malaysian airline like a bloodhound on a trail.  Sniffing at officials as they try their best to pretend they know  what happened to the plane.  Days after making a declaration claiming to know where the plane went down, they have picked up stakes and are now making another solid declaration.  Apparently they were a bit off on the location.  Just a tad.  Well like a case of the elusive terrorist, the darn aircraft was not where they were sure it was after all! Gosh darn it!

Today, while the earlier proclamation was still quite fresh on the minds of grieving families who understandably needed some proof, the officials once again released statements that the plane actually never went down where they were 100% sure it did.  So this time they are more surer.  And yes, I know it’s not a word but seeing it’s my blog I can write how I please.  I am just kidding! Come back! Can’t take a joke or what?

Couldn’t you just imagine a news reporter on the first crash scene… “Today, officials have declared that the plane went down right in this spot and all passengers are dead. We are sorry to…Wha..? Excuse me?  We have a new satellite reading? Not here? Ok sorry, we have to go! Stay tuned folks, maybe we will find the plane in one of those caves yonder.”

And you, stay tuned too.  The Himalayas look like a likely place for a crash…

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I Am Not A Real Blogger But You Can Still Follow Me

Blog Machine

Blog Machine (Photo credit: digitalrob70)

I have a confession.  Some of you might already know this. Wait for it…I am not a real blogger.  Far from.  I read and follow real bloggers, like Katie from sassandbalderdash (my fave) and I’m nothing like them.  I just enjoying making fun of things and people and spit it out like I would say it. No frills, no gimmicks.

A real blogger cares about how their blogs look, how their widgets, whatever that is, stand out on their page.  A real blogger spends time creating the perfect blog aimed at getting maximum read.  I don’t really give two hoots.  I just write the damn things that come to my crazy head.  I make no apologies. You like it or you hate it.

If you sometimes come across some misspelled words, I apologize as I take my spelling very seriously.  If I mangle the Queen’s English and make a mockery of the language, it’s mostly intentional.  If it’s not, I just failed to proofread.  If my blog goes on and on, I am not sorry, that’s how I get when I’m excited and can’t wait to spit it out.  It all comes out a bubbling verbal mass.  Ala verbal diarrhea.

So you see, I am not a bonafide blogger.  I don’t have a target audience, do I even have an audience?  I don’t have a regular schedule. Do I have a schedule to talk about anything I want to talk about?

I regret to inform you that I am not a real blogger.  I don’t really regret but that’s the proper way of saying it.  Follow me at your own peril but don’t expect anything from me that only real bloggers can deliver.

Damn! I wish I were a real blogger…

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It’s Hollywood Baby, It’s Not Cheating

 

Cameron Diaz at the Shrek the Third London pre...

Cameron Diaz at the Shrek the Third London premiere (touch up) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Why do I bother reading these crap sometimes?  I took a couple of minutes from doing meaningful work to check out the latest offerings on the World-Wide web.  The first story that caught my eye was that my girl Cameron Diaz was creeping with her latest movie co-star.  Of course I was interested.  I like her, not as much as I like Scarlett Johansson though but still…Oh by the way, did you hear that Scarlett is doing a full frontal in her upcoming movie?  Well slap my ass and call me a bitch! I want front row tickets to that.  Do you hear that honey? I love movies.

 

But anyways, stay out of my head, Scarlett.  The news said that Cameron had the hots for her hunky Games Of Thrones co-star, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau.  Apparently Cameron couldn’t stop cooing about him during interviews and that was enough to set tongues a-wagging.

 

Pardon my ignorance but what constitutes cheating in Hollywood?  In their upcoming movie, Cameron and Nikolaj play lovers.  So we can safely assume that they kissed passionately while exploring each other’s partially nude bodies.  In my books that’s cheating right there. Heck, there’s cheating in just about every movie nowadays. If you don’t agree with me, then tell me what exactly is the difference between kissing and touching someone intimately in a movie versus in real life.  The difference is they are being pimped out to do it.  Meaning they get paid to get laid.  Ok maybe sometimes not laid but paid to have a darn good time.  It’s Hollywood baby, they don’t cheat there.  It’s all in the script.

 

 

 

Scarlett Johansson at the premiere of a Girl W...

Scarlett Johansson at the premiere of a Girl With a Pearl Earring at Toronto Film Festival, 2003. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

http://entertainment.ca.msn.com/celebs/nikolaj-coster-waldaus-marriage-tested-by-cameron-diaz-infidelity-rumors

 

 

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Not Tonight Dear, I’ve Been Busting Hookers All Day.

Don't wait up, Hon.  It's gonna be a long night

Don’t wait up, Hon. It’s gonna be a long night

In Hawaii, it’s not only legal for the local constabulary to have sex with prostitutes but also a part of the arresting process.  Like dipping your dipstick to determine whether or not your oil needs changing.  Before they could make an arrest that can stand, they have to make doubly sure that the lady-of-the-night is indeed a…night walker?

Apparently there’s a waiting list of civilians of all ages wanting to get on the force.  There’s also a long list of policemen who are begging to be put on the hooker-busting beat.  Pick me! Pick me! One veteran was once overheard bragging to his buddies that he busted 10 hookers in one night!

As I blogged, this bit of luxury was being threatened as lawmakers seek to ban the practice of cops dipping their night sticks into hookers’ tank.  “You don’t have to taste an apple to make sure it’s an apple” They argued.  Well they probably didn’t but I’m saying they did.

The spoiled Hawaiian policemen are fighting back for their right to bear arms. Oops, sorry. Not their rights to bear arms, their rights to bust hookers by bedding them.  “Why not?” They argued. “How else could we be sure they would go all the way?” Cops insisted that they must be free not just to receive blowjobs and handjobs from prostitutes but also to engage in vaginal and anal intercourse with them.

I investigated…Ok, maybe I didn’t really investigate but I inquired.  Ok, didn’t do that either.  Well bug off and leave me alone already, I am trying to make a point here! I concluded, there, that’s a better choice of word. I concluded that there are no lineups for male cops wanting to test the gay male hookers for authenticity.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Ok, enough wasting time, where do I sign up to bust hookers? Never mind, I can make citizens arrest, can’t I?

Me practicing my arresting procedure:  Uh, um, how much is it for your services, ma’am? Er, woman..Lady?

Hooker: $100 for the works?

Me: I’ll take it…yeah, the works.  Oh yeah baby! Oh baby! This feels sooo good! Oh gosh am I supposed to be enjoying this? Shit! I think I’m gonna…Yessss!  Sorry ma’am. You are under arrest.  Just let me clean up a bit here and you should also put some clothes on.  Oh by the way, you are good at what you do.

Shame on you, you dirty hooker! Take this!

Shame on you, you dirty hooker! Take this!

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Golf’s A Real Pain In The A** For Playboy Model

FORE!!

FORE!!

Playboy model, Elizabeth Dickson got more than she bargained for when she signed up to be part of a stunt for a Playboy Golf tournament.  The stunt called for her to lie on the green with her butt exposed and a tee placed between the tight, toned, juicy cleavage of her ass. Oops, sorry, got carried away there. I meant in her crack…ah never mind.  A golf ball was placed on the tee and radio host, Kevin Klein was to pretend he was hitting the ball for the photo.  Seems like Kevin was understandably distracted by the sight of the Playboy’s buns and forgot his lines, so to speak. Kevin followed through.  To make matters worse, he missed the ball and hit a divot instead.

Now, I don’t know about you but I sure as hell would be off my game too if my balls were on a Playboy’s ass.  Golf balls that is, stay on the topic here people.  We are talking golf! Kevin tried to excuse his errant swing by explaining that he didn’t see the tee and thought the ball was actually in the crack of her butt and used his sand wedge to extricate it. Good one Kev!  Are you saying Liz was a tight ass?

Liz is suing both Kevin and Playboy.  In her suit she claims she suffered pain, worry and anxiety.  Her boyfriend is also suing for lost of services.  He’s claiming he’s no longer allowed near Liz’s backside.

What did this Playboy model expect?  If balls are dangling over your butt, the wood is not too far behind. Golf people! Golf!  Get your minds out of the gutter.

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Wacky Wednesday: You Can’t Date Me Unless You Date My Twin

b4c4e950-aad0-11e3-b95a-790fd49f1cec_0314twinsFellas, have you every fantasized about your girlfriend’s or wife’s hot sister? Or maybe even not-so-hot sister? Even hotter is if said sister was her identical twin. Do you ever wished that you could legally get it on with both without getting your pee pee ripped off? Seems impossible but it’s not. And no, you don’t even need to be a redneck.

Guys, meet identical twins Lucy and Anna  DeCinque of Perth, Australia. These girls take the ‘identical’ seriously.  Even going as far as spending $240,000 to get surgeries so they could look even more alike.  They share a house, a phone, a car, a bed, a Facebook account, a boyfriend.  Hey! did you hear me?  I said they share a boyfriend! Yes, the same guy.

Kinky! Weird! Hot! A man’s fantasy. Now I wonder if there is any funny business going on…you know like 6 legs in the same bed?  Or 3 sets of twins in bed? What is the guy’s response when asked who is his girlfriend? “Well Lucy and Anna are my girlfriends”.  How about marriage? Would they marry the same guy? Man this is just too weird for words…

Related:

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/blogs/daily-buzz/identical-twin-sisters-share-boyfriend-spent-240-000-164855019.html

Friday Folly: They Killed Him Again!

Nazario Moreno Gonzalez has been killed! Again.  Who was this Nazario Moreno? Well he was the head of The Knights Templar Cartel in Mexico.  *Yawn*.

What makes this case bloggable was the fact that Nazario was killed once before.  I kid you not!  He was declared dead by the government only to resurface recently. Upon being killed, Nazario was heard to utter, “Oh shit! No again!” In Spanish of course.

Ok, here’s what actually went down.  Everyone knows how corrupt Mexican officials are. They work mostly in cahoots with the cartels.  The government doesn’t run the country, the cartels do. The authorities told Nazario to go underground and they would make sure everyone thinks they killed him but unfortunately, living a life of obscurity wasn’t Mr. Gonzales thing. When he showed up again like a resurrected king, they made darn sure he would never show up and embarrass them again. While I blog, efforts are being made to replace Nazario.

On a side news, El Chapo, the world’s most powerful drug lord was also captured last month.  Here. Seriously, how many cartel heads are there in Mexico? El Chapo was much-sought after by Mexican Marines, they have Marines in Mexico? working alongside the US DEA.  It was rather difficult to track down El Chapo and after a few tips, he was found hiding out at his resort.  Who would have thought to look there? Told you those Mexicans are smart.  Oh I didn’t tell you?  Well they are.

So there you have it, another drug lord killed, again and another captured. Now you are all caught up with the news.  The Mexican news that is. Have a good weekend.