In Hawaii, it’s not only legal for the local constabulary to have sex with prostitutes but also a part of the arresting process. Like dipping your dipstick to determine whether or not your oil needs changing. Before they could make an arrest that can stand, they have to make doubly sure that the lady-of-the-night is indeed a…night walker?
Apparently there’s a waiting list of civilians of all ages wanting to get on the force. There’s also a long list of policemen who are begging to be put on the hooker-busting beat. Pick me! Pick me! One veteran was once overheard bragging to his buddies that he busted 10 hookers in one night!
As I blogged, this bit of luxury was being threatened as lawmakers seek to ban the practice of cops dipping their night sticks into hookers’ tank. “You don’t have to taste an apple to make sure it’s an apple” They argued. Well they probably didn’t but I’m saying they did.
The spoiled Hawaiian policemen are fighting back for their right to bear arms. Oops, sorry. Not their rights to bear arms, their rights to bust hookers by bedding them. “Why not?” They argued. “How else could we be sure they would go all the way?” Cops insisted that they must be free not just to receive blowjobs and handjobs from prostitutes but also to engage in vaginal and anal intercourse with them.
I investigated…Ok, maybe I didn’t really investigate but I inquired. Ok, didn’t do that either. Well bug off and leave me alone already, I am trying to make a point here! I concluded, there, that’s a better choice of word. I concluded that there are no lineups for male cops wanting to test the gay male hookers for authenticity. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
Ok, enough wasting time, where do I sign up to bust hookers? Never mind, I can make citizens arrest, can’t I?
Me practicing my arresting procedure: Uh, um, how much is it for your services, ma’am? Er, woman..Lady?
Hooker: $100 for the works?
Me: I’ll take it…yeah, the works. Oh yeah baby! Oh baby! This feels sooo good! Oh gosh am I supposed to be enjoying this? Shit! I think I’m gonna…Yessss! Sorry ma’am. You are under arrest. Just let me clean up a bit here and you should also put some clothes on. Oh by the way, you are good at what you do.