One Sick Guy

Is it just me or are you like this too? What I’m talking about here is do you have a sick mind? I am not a bad guy, honestly I’m not! I am happily married with kids etc etc.  But I have a sick mind. A gutter mind. A warped mind.

Here’s how it works.  In church, the pastor would say, “Jesus is coming again!” Guess what goes through my mind then? Yes! I think sexual! I feel like crap for not only thinking something so blasphemous but in church to boot?  Nooo! There are also songs that beg Jesus to ‘come inside me’. How could I not go to town with that? Hello! Sick guy here!

Nothing is too sacred and nothing is safe from the machinations of my sexually warped mind. I am not bragging, it’s a curse! I might need to speak to someone. A shrink maybe? Did you talk to someone? Are you like this? Am I normal? Come on, talk to me!

Did I mention that I am also a Christian? Well duh! Why else would I be in church? To steal communion or partake of the bread and wine?  Maybe I need a good confession.  But isn’t that what I’m doing right now? And what would I say? “Of forgive me father for I have sinned.  I er…uhm…apply sexual connotations to normal conversations and pervade even the most innocent of conversations.” Hmm…that kinda has a nice ring to it, don’t you agree?

Back to my issue, I am one sick mofo!  Be careful what you say to me and please don’t tell me please come again.

Free The Nipple! Yes You Can!

This is a photograph of one's nipple.

This is a photograph of one’s nipple. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The last time I said free anything was when I chanted ‘Free Mandela’ with the rest of the world.  Now there is another freedom chant.  It’s ‘Free the nipple’ and it is a movement for the liberation of women. Or at least their nipple.  Women need freedom, one nipple at a time.  No more incarcerated nips!

Now I totally understand how these women feel.  Walking around with their nipples in a cup! A darn cup!  A prisoner in its own body. Shame! I too would like to see more free nipples for free.  I get to see my wife’s and the occasional stripper’s but that’s it.  Now how awesome would it be to walk down the street with your eyes bombarded by an assortment of nipples? Black, Indian, Asian, White, a virtual nipple buffet! Yes women, free those puppies!  By the way, I hope you are already working on your next chant, “Free The Clitoris!”

Is it me or is it getting a bit nipply out there?

Hey! Wait a minute! Would this mean no more nip slips????