News has it that Bruce Jenner has had a sex change. Say what? Oh wait a minute! Who is Bruce Jenner??
It’s here! Final Fricking Ly! 50 Shades Of Grey is in theaters! Are you going to see it? I am not. Got you there! I have nothing against watching some S&M porn but there are better ones easily accessible on my mac! I can choose my S and my M’s.
The thing is, I would find it embarrassingly awkward sitting in a packed theater watching sex on a big screen with total strangers. I may or may not get aroused but there may be a risk of that. Getting aroused while seated beside a less-than-sexy stranger is just plain gross and bordering on disgusting! It sure would be a nice kinky and voyeuristic experience if a hot blonde/brunette/woman was rubbing elbows with me while I…nevermind!
What would the other
pervs theater-goers think when they see me getting up to go to the bathroom? I would dare not leave my seat for fear they might jump to conclusion on the nature of my departure. No ma’am, I simply cannot partake in a mass porn watching affair. I have never been one who enjoy getting horny in the presence of shady strangers. Sometimes I can’t help myself and I do but it doesn’t mean I like and enjoy it. Like my massage table appointments for example…
So you see, I would turn 50 shades of something if I were to subject myself to such a potentially embarrassing situation. Fifty Shades Of Grey should be the only thing coming in a theater near you.