When Stars Collide

Don’t you just love it when celebs fight? It’s not like the normal fights us peons have. It’s kinda funny, stupid and dumb at the same time. And then to top it off, their twitter followers usually side with them and harass their opponents. Take Kid Rock and Beyonce for example.  Apparently Kid Rock questioned The Queen Bey’s claim to success, saying that she doesn’t have a legit hit but still is uber successful. What does the Bey say? Well she didn’t have to say anything, her Beyhive did all the talking, spamming poor Kid Rock’s Twitter page and his other social media accounts. Poor Mr. Rock, indeed.

To be fair, Beyonce has earned her stripes the hard way, by being a Queen B as in…nevermind that but contrary to what the Kid said, she does have some smash classic hits, destined to go down in the annals of music history.  Songs such as…nevermind that also. I am so forgetful today.  Part of growing old I guess.

Beyonce is best known for being half of a Beauty And The Beast relationship.  Can you guess which half she is? Kid Rock also thinks that the Bey’s body, notably her ass, is to be blamed or credited for her astounding success. Some may say it’s the Beast in her. Oops! No pun there.  Still waiting for some leaked pics of her to determine what exactly is responsible for the buzz around the Bey. Oh Beyhive!

 

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Where Were They When…? So Not Fair!

Megan Mahoney in her team photo from Wagner College.

When I were a little horn dog, experiencing puberty and mentally humping everything in skirts, where were those perverted but sexy female teachers who prey on their students? Like the one here. So not fair!

Where were those understanding teachers who see past their students failures and ineptitude and see them as just needing to be held and to be loved? You know what I’m talking about, those teachers who have never heard the word ‘fail’. So not fair!

Those anti-bullying laws, where were they when I…you got the point, and it’s so not fair!

Yoga pants, scantily clad girls, gadgets, cool parents who give allowances and let you drive their cars, LGBT acceptance, Fifty Shades Of Grey, talentless singers, easily-accessible porn…where the heck were they back in my day?

Yep, it’s so not fair!

 

Turning 50 Shades

It’s here! Final Fricking Ly!  50 Shades Of Grey is in theaters! Are you going to see it? I am not. Got you there! I have nothing against watching some S&M porn but there are better ones easily accessible on my mac! I can choose my S and my M’s.

The thing is, I would find it embarrassingly awkward sitting in a packed theater watching sex on a big screen with total strangers. I may or may not get aroused but there may be a risk of that. Getting aroused while seated beside a less-than-sexy stranger is just plain gross and bordering on disgusting! It sure would be a nice kinky and voyeuristic experience if a hot blonde/brunette/woman was rubbing elbows with me while I…nevermind!

What would the other pervs theater-goers think when they see me getting up to go to the bathroom? I would dare not leave my seat for fear they might jump to conclusion on the nature of my departure.  No ma’am, I simply cannot partake in a mass porn watching affair.  I have never been one who enjoy getting horny in the presence of shady strangers. Sometimes I can’t help myself and I do but it doesn’t mean I like and enjoy it. Like my massage table appointments for example…

So you see, I would turn 50 shades of something if I were to subject myself to such a potentially embarrassing situation.  Fifty Shades Of Grey should be the only thing coming in a theater near you.

 

In The Name Of Kanye, Rise Up And Walk!

English: The words "Kanye West" in t...

English: The words “Kanye West” in the theme of Kanye West’s “G.O.O.D. Friday” song series’ artwork. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As further proof that Kanye thinks he is God, he tried  forcing wheel-chair bound concert-goers to stand up before he drop his rhymes.  ‘All hail the God!’ Apparently Kanye was less than impressed that anyone, crippled or otherwise, would dare sit while in his court.

Kanye even sent out his disciples disguised as bodyguards to see what was causing the hold up.  The disciples brought him back word that a few of the holdouts were actually handicapped and couldn’t stand.  Mr. West grudgingly accepted their excuses and continued on with the show. He was less than impressed.  Poor Kanye.

I hope Kanye never performs at a hospital for sick kids…

Friday Folly: The Best Dumb And Useless Thing Ever But I Like It. Well Sorta.

At a football game recently, the Cheerleaders paraded out to the cheers of the crowd. Yes, they were hot and clad in skimpy and sexy outfits. Yes they were pleasing to the eyes. Yes, they revealed a lot of skin.  Behind me, a middle-aged man was making fun of his buddy as he leered at the girls old enough to be his granddaughter,  “Oh you are going to have a stroke!” he jokingly said.  The guy probably was going to have a stroke but it wasn’t the kind his buddy meant.

As I watched the pleasing-to-the-eye distraction, I thought to myself, “Is this really necessary?” With the fake smiles and midriff-baring outfits, leered and lusted at by old men like me.  Hey, I was just kidding! I wasn’t lusting!  I wondered about the whole meaning and aptness of this. A man’s game with a side show of hot chicks? What’s the connection? Who came up with this stuff? Maybe the same people who thought it was a great idea for hot chicks to do beer commercials and just about anything else that needs selling to the masses?

Back to the cheerleaders. Well they were standing on each other, doing lateral splits that threatened the frail hearts of the aging, falling into the arms of their beefy male catchers, gyrating, waving, doing whatever it takes to charm the crowd. The girls behind me barely noticed, too bad. The men behind me barely noticed a game was going on. Too bad.

Like I said, it’s dumb and utterly useless and maybe even a step back for female empowerment but hey, they looked darn good out there!

Friday Folly: I Am One Smart Brother

So by now you would have heard that power couple Beyonce and her husband Jay-Z are on the outs. You may have also heard that her sister bitch slapped him a month or so ago in an elevator while Beyonce looked on.  Apparently Solange wasn’t happy with the way her sister was being cheated treated. What? Jay-Z was creeping on the lovely and talented Beyonce? How could he? Well before you get asking that, ask instead, “How couldn’t he?”

Rumor has it that Beyonce is upset that her husband was all up in Rihanna’s grill. Know what I’m saying? And everyone went, “Oh no! Not Riri!” And I go, “Yawn”.  You see I am one smart brother. I knew all this stuff while it was still only a thought process. “How?” you asked, easy. Jay-Z is a rapper. Rappers cheat. Ok, maybe that’s like saying all black guys have big penises, which they do so that point is moot. Yeah, they all cheat, it’s the GAME, they have to play it or be pussies. It’s the life they live.

When Rihanna came on the scene, she was first signed to Jay-Z’s record label and right away I knew he was tapping it.  How could he not? She was exactly the prime cut he was waiting for. Fresh and young Caribbean meat! Come on Bey! you knew that too. I know I’m smart but you are no dummy yourself…um, never mind that last bit.

So there you have it. Today you learned that all most rappers are cheaters. You learned ‘Up in her grill’, you also learned that I’m one smart brother, something you should have known after reading my first blog.