Friday Folly: Me? Naked? Sorry, Can’t Do

How to Look Good Naked

How to Look Good Naked (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I like a bit of nudity. So what? I’m normal. Who doesn’t? You don’t? Go see a shrink, you prude!  A glimpse here and glimpse there to keeps the heart pumping.  So when I heard of the latest thing in television, naked reality shows, I of course was turned on. Err, I meant excited. Noo, not that either. What I really meant is that I was um, how do you say it, curious. Mildly curious. I am a married man!

I can’t believe they have a show where a naked man tries to date a naked woman. How the heck do you swing that? Not that, I meant that idea. I have this issue with inappropriate erection, read here, so there’s no way I could stand in front of a hot, naked, single chick and not get a rise. Any naked chick for that matter. Would that be inappropriate anyways? How about her? Would she judge her suitors based on their manhood? “Sorry, move along you and your little dinky. You are a nice guy but I can’t work with that.”  What if I can’t stand in front of her without showing how excited, err, interested I was? Would they yell takes until I calm down or send me off set to smarten up…you know what I mean? In case you missed it, I was alluding to the show ‘Dating Naked’.

Now there’s another one called ‘Naked And Afraid’, which is very much like Survivor. A man and a woman is set somewhere in the wilderness naked! Naked! Sorry, can’t do.  If I’m naked in the wilds with a naked female, yeah, I would be afraid of what could and maybe would happen.  Come on! I’m just being realistic here!  How the hell am I supposed to walk behind some hot, naked, married milf while she climbs up a hill? Maybe even on all fours. How?  I am serious here! I am an individual with roaring testosterone, I can’t do it! More takes please! I can see me excusing myself as I run off into the bushes to err…smarten up. Go on girl, I’ll be right there. I just need to peeee…aahhh! Ok where were we? Oh yeah, we were climbing up this hill. Excuse me, I think I need to pee again! Dammit! Cut!!

On a more serious note, like it wasn’t before. I am not sure I am cut out for nude acting. Nope, not me, can’t do.

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Friday Folly: Game Of Thrones Observations.

Game of Thrones (soundtrack)

Game of Thrones (soundtrack) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My wife and I enjoy watching Games Of Thrones.  For different reasons obviously.  I like the nudity and hot chicks and she loves the storyline.  Nah, just kidding, we love it for the same reasons, we both like the nudity and hot chicks.  Just kidding with you again! lol…Jeez, what does a blogger have to do to get some cheap laughs around here? My wife and I both love the darn show for all that it brings to the table.  Storyline, nudity, beheadings, spoiled brats, we love it!  Did I mention the nudity and hot chicks?

So far I, or should I say we, have noticed that every set of breasts that have been exposed have been nice and perky.  No half-fallen boobs here. No saggy tits as the piggish men would say. Weird. Not that I’m, I meant we, are complaining, mind you. Oh, was that a spoiler for those who haven’t watched it yet? Sorry. Now you know. There are boobs and hotties. Sometimes together.

Ok, I am done sounding like a sex-starved idiot. On a more serious note, that brat King Joffrey, doesn’t he remind you of Justin Bieber? He sure does. What else can I say without spoiling it for you? I might have to re-watch it again too as I can’t keep up with all the splinter cells who want to sit on the iron throne.

The other night while watching a scintillating scene, my wife and I started to give in to temptations, only to be jolted back to reality when the scene was interrupted by a gross and vivid beheading. Way to kill the mood. Talk about a headless moment…did you get that double entendre? headless = no head…Never you mind, over your head.

And there you have. Join us again next time for another observation on funnysideupandscrambled.

He Down Wid No Pee Pee?

Pilirani-LazaroHey, did you guys hear about that guy who tried to jump out of a two-story building in trying to commit suicide? Yep. Well let’s break it down here, a fricking two-story buddy??  Come on man, I know you are a rapper and not expected to be smart but come on. You didn’t want to die did you?  The worst that could happen in that short fall was you become a cripple, you lose a limb or get a concussion.  You won’t even hurt your pee pee in such a short fall. Um…not so fast…continue reading.

Andre Johnson, a Wu-Tang-Clan (Old Hip-Hop group) affiliate, tried to kill himself a few days ago by jumping from a two-story building.  The fall did not come close to killing him but the Gods realizing what a dumbass he was decided to get teach him a lesson he won’t soon forget.  To help him realize that things are never as bad as they seem, they inflicted on him one of the most embarrassing injury.  The lost of his manhood.  Everyone knows that rappers like to brag about their sexual prowess, now we would know he is lying when and if he sings about boning hot chicks.

I tried to no avail to find out how his pee pee got severed. How do you jump off a balcony and sever your penis? Yep, the Gods had a hand in it. Now poor Andre, also known by his stage name Christ Bearer, has a cross of his own to bear.   He down wid No Pee Pee? Yeah you know me!  At least he, wait for it…had the balls to jump. I am sorry! Ok I said I am sorry!

On a serious note:  Suicide is never the answer. As in this poor fella’s case, things could always be worse.  Oh, and there are a lot of smart rappers.

 

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Obama Not Feeling The Vibes To Free Kartel

Miami 2011

Miami 2011 (Photo credit: Tach_RedGold&Green)

When Jamaican deejay and resident bad boy, Vybz Kartel, was found guilty for murder, his fans and family petitioned just about anyone who would listen to let  him go free.  In fact, they even petitioned President Obama! I am serious! They did!  I have a bit of the transcript to prove it.

Fans Representive:  Hey Mr. President, Mon. Yo dun know dat de rude bwoy Vybz him a face life inna prison fu summen him never do?  We want yo fu do someting, mon. Please Missa Prez. Bail im out fu we. Him nah do it!  ah lie dem lie!

Obama:  Excuse me? What are you guys talking about?  I am sorry but I am not feeling the vibes here

Fans Rep.: Sarry mon.  We mean Vybz, Vybz Kartel.  De Dancehall deejay. Ah him rule dancehall.

Obama:  I am sorry but my administration does not and will not negotiate the release of any cartel member. Whether they are deejays or not.

Rep:  No mon, him nah no cartel, him name is Vybz Kartel. He don’t kill no body. Him innocent. Kartel is Gaza!

Obama:  Gaza? He is from the Gaza? Now I’m confused. A cartel from the Gaza strip?  Sorry, but I’m not messing with Israel’s affairs.

Rep: Mister Obama, pardon me mon but yo ah idyat or what? Gaza is a posse.  A gang.  Inna Jamdong, we have the Gaza and Gully gang.  Vybez Kartel, he ah Gaza.

Obama: Hmmm….I am sorry but in order for me to even give your petition serious consideration, you need to have more than the ten signatures you have here.  There’s nothing I could do for whatever that young man name is.  Now please get off the White House lawn.  And for your information, weed is not legal here in Washington.

Rep: (Aside)  Man dis rass clat man useless eh? He nah do nutten to help his own color.  (To Obama) No problem mon.  Nuff respect sah! Big up!

Obama:  Irie.

And that’s how the whole thing went down.  Trust me pon dat!  (Aside) Obama would probably help his own color but considering Vybz does not like his own color and is forever trying to lighten his skin, does he qualify as a ‘brother’?

 

 

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Quick! Hide The Eggs! The Popos Are Here!

thThis morning, teen heartthrob-turned-juvenile-deliquent Justin Bieber’s house was raided by police.  Bieber apparently was a suspect in the egging of his neighbour’s house.  Unconfirmed reports said that the police used a battering ram to gain entry into the singer’s house. (Hey! He has his own house?? Isn’t he too young to be left unattended?). A battering ram? For egging?  The story said that the cops were in search of evidence that could implicate Justin Bieber, namely eggs.

LMAO!! Eggs? The cops are raiding this kid’s house looking for eggs because he was suspected of egging a house? Can’t you just imagine the cops’ conversation…

Cop #1:  Hey! I found it! A carton of eggs sitting right here on the the top shelf on his stainless steel fridge! He is guilty as sin! Should I dust em for prints?

Cop #2:  Damning evidence indeed! Good work buddy. Let’s take the kid down and book him!  No need to dust.

Talking about dust, while the policemen were in the act of searching for WMDs, they also found cocaine.  Knowing that there was no way it could belong to the superstar brat, they pinned it on his poor little bff, aptly called Lil Za.  Poor Za, taking the rap for the Biebs.

Justin:  I swear officer, that’s not mine. *sniff sniff*

Cop #1:  Then it must belong to that punk sitting in the love seat.  Book him.

But I’m still laughing and shaking my head at this one…Raiding a house for evidence of an egging…I’ve heard it all now.  Good thing Justin didn’t place a burning bag of feces on his neighbour’s steps.

Related:

Justin Bieber’s Home Raided (the star.com)

Modern-Day Cleopatra Carried Up The Great Wall Of China

thAnd in other news, the world’s newest diva, aka Justin Bieber, recently conquered the Great Wall of China courtesy the backs of his bodyguards.  Bieber can now cross another one off his bucket list.  So far, and with some outside interference from his beefcakes, he has benched over 100lbs, had sex with a couple chicks, swam the English Channel, ran a marathon, all with the help of his bodyguards.

Visitors to the Great Wall were at first surprised to see a milky white female on the backs of hunky male slaves/servants.  They thought it was the ghost of Cleopatra and bowed down in reverence/fear/worship.  Then it/he/she spoke.  “Hey ya’ll.  It’s so good to be here in Africa! I am so tired. Climbing up here is soo hard but I’m happy to say I’ve climbed the great Wall Of China!” He was corrected on his geographical error of course.

Ok, let’s get serious here.  At least as serious as I could get with this blog. I am not sure you could pay me enough to carry Justin’s ass up the Wall of China or anywhere else for that matter.  I would look at him as if he was crazy if he had the nerve to ask me to ferry him.  Are you mad boy? Get your ass up the wall yourself. I’m trying to dray my own fat black ass up nevermind carrying you!  Last week you had me running behind you while you attempted to skateboard. I am still embarrassed about that. I also had to take the fall last time you were involved in a hit-and-run too. I draw the line, boss! Read my lips. I.am.not.carrying.you.up.that.wall! Spoilt brat!

And that’s how Justin Bieber aka Cleopatra successfully climbed the Great Wall Of China.