Hiding Easter Eggs/Candies

While candy shopping with my wife yesterday, I mentioned that one sure way to save money was to let the kids know that The Easter Bunny was not real.  Then we would never have to buy candies again.

She accused me of wanting to ‘spoil the fun’ to which I responded, “What fun?  We spend money buying candies to hide then we spend the rest of the time yelling at the kids to NOT eat them.  We hide them again so they don’t.  Just like Halloween, we send them out to get candies then we hide it from them.”

She saw my point but not enough to not buy the Easter candies to hide.  And I, like the agreeing dad I am, just went along with it.

Dadda!

Hey Dads, and you too moms, ever noticed how you have different feelings towards your child calling ‘mommy’ or ‘Daddy’?

When your little one first utters the word ‘Dadda’ or ‘Mama’, you drop whatever you were doing, and run to their crib, or where ever they are.  “Oh my God! She said Dadda! She said Dadda! Did you hear that, hon?  Babes, little Elsa just said Dadda!”  As the ‘Dadda’ utterances get more frequent, your response times slows until one day, you barely react.  Glued to your television set watching the Winnipeg Jets play the Washington Capitals, little Elsa’s ‘Dadda’ falls on deaf ears.

Unfortunately, little Elsa is not ‘little’ anymore.  The cuteness is gone.  Elsa is 7 years old and now says ‘daddy’ instead of ‘dadda’.  You barely noticed the transition and sometimes actually cringe when  you hear ‘Daddy!’   Just call your mom, already!  What does a guy have to do to just get some peace and quiet around here?  It’s not the same anymore, is it?

Where Did That Black Baby Come From?

English: pic

English: pic (Photo credit: Wikipedia). This gal found out someone mixed up her male order

 

A white woman from the United States of America is suing a sperm bank in Chicago for screwing up her withdrawal. No pun. Yes pun.

 

The woman apparently wanted a white baby, who doesn’t want one of those? But instead of receiving sperm from a white donor, she was giving the seed of a black man! The nerve! The pain! The disgust!

 

Anyways, she’s doing the smart thing and suing, just to make sure mistakes like that never happen again. And in other news, I’m also suing Macdonalds for giving me a big mac instead of a quarter pounder and like the hapless female, I’m also just doing it so that mistakes like this never happen again.

 

Note:  Although I don’t know if she was ever offered a full refund upon return of the kid, I do know that Angelina Jolie heard the news and remarked, “If she doesn’t want it, I’ll take it!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tim McGraw Losing Faith?

English: Tim McGraw and Faith Hill at the 2009...

English: Tim McGraw and Faith Hill at the 2009 American Music Awards (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I usually never blog about Hollywood crap…ok fine, who I am kidding?  The best blogs are those poking fun of celebrities and their wacky ways. Well this one is not so wacky. In fact it’s quite serious. Did you hear that Tim McGraw and Faith Hill are calling it quits?  Yes, the one-time country power couple are divorcing!  That’s serious man.

Reliable sources, no not The Enquirer, claim that Tim has fallen for a young masseuse.  Methinks Faith probably rubbed him the wrong way…Well I for one am shocked.  There was just something about these two.  The way they looked at each other, the songs they sang…they sure had chemistry.  It doesn’t matter that the one time hottie, Faith Hill is a bit older and perhaps not as hot as she was before but still…

Damn 24-year old masseuse! Keep the Faith Tim!

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Friday Folly: 40-Something-Year-Old Man Seeks Very Young Girl

thYes I do! I want a young girl! Aha! I heard that! You said ‘eeew!’ You are disgusted, aren’t you? Well let me explain myself before I start losing followers faster than Obama loses supporters.

In my house live 6 males.  Yes, 6 including this blogger.  My poor wife! Male testosterone lurking around every corner, every inch of the house. Oh how she wishes she had a little girl to help her negate some of it.  I do too.  For her sake.  Then why not try for one?  You asked.  Well it’s not that easy.  After the third and unsuccessful try produced a boy, I made sure that a medical procedure took care of any ‘slip ups’.

When my wife sees a little girl she always comment.  “That could have been ours.” I understand how she feels and although at first I wanted to have a girl in the mix, I am quite happy that it was not meant to be.  I am not sure I would be able to handle teen-girl drama.  Oh and dating.  And dressing.  So really and truly, I don’t really seek a young girl.  Just pretending for the wife’s sake.

I mean, Miley Cyrus was probably someone’s cute and innocent little girl once…

Am I Not Sexy Enough For Your Splash Park?

IMG_5755_blogToday I took my kids to the splash park in the neighborhood as a treat for good behavior.  It was packed!  No, not just busy, packed!  The first thing I noticed was how I was overdressed for the venue.  Mothers in two-piece bikinis on the plus side of skimpy, chased their little ones around as if they were at the beach. I was confused.  I was excited.  Then I was sober. Wasn’t this supposed to be a splash park where kids play at the mini fountains while their parents sit in the shade and watch with hawk eyes?  Granted, there was a wading pool but it was hardly an excuse to don a full-out bathing attire.  It wasn’t deep enough to cover my toenail.  Plus, the bikini-clad ones never even got their ankles wet.  Oh wait a minute! Maybe they were there to catch a tan.  Yes! That’s it!  They were dressed to tan.  Who cares if the sun was barely out.

As I stewed in consternation and compared butts, I pondered going back home to get my swim trunks.  Just then a mother in her late 30’s or so strolled past me wearing heels.  Yep, heels with straps.  Looked really nice on her feet but for some reason, again seemed out-of-place.  I glanced up and she was dressed as though she should have stayed outside the fence monitoring her kids from afar rather than up close, risking a wet down.  And yes, she could have been at work when she suddenly got hit by an idea.  Why don’t you get up from your desk and go take your kids to the splash park?  That would explain the high heels.  But what about the shorts?  Ok, I never said I have all the answers.  I looked at my own feet in thongs. (not that kind).  Come on man, at least wear your Nikes!

Maybe it’s a sign that I’m getting old, (my birthday was just last week) Thinking conservative and all.  I need to loosen up a bit, both mentally and in attire.  Nothing wrong with mingling with kids while wearing bathing suits, right?  Of course not. It’s not at all like bringing beer to a child’s birthday party.  No, nothing at all like that.

 

Friday Folly: Can We Have The Cripple When You Are Done?

Walt Disney World Resort

Walt Disney World Resort (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Ever been to Disney World?  If so, you know what a bit@@ it could be to get anywhere.  Lineups everywhere!  If you want to lineup, you have to stand in line for that too.  Well it seems like someone came up with a way to get around this setback.  Use a disabled person! A handicap! A gimp! Whatever politically correct term you could find.  They are there for the taking AND, people let them cut in lines all the time!

So, a group of rich snobs, unlike you and me, thought this up…Oh wait, or was it a wheel-chair bound woman?  I am not sure anymore but someone did.  It’s a win-win situation.  The disabled stand, or should I say sit, to make some cash while the snob with the perfect health and perfect family, gets to the front of the line.  Awww…look at Mrs. Smith and her cute kids…Is that her mom in the wheelchair?  Oh the poor lady.  I wonder what happened…Here  Mrs. Smith, you could go ahead of me.

And that, my friend, is how you cut in lines not only in Disney but everywhere.  Get yourself a disabled person and thank me later.  Now I must go and talk to my polio-stricken mother-in-law.  Poor lady has been in a wheelchair for so long, she could use a vacation.  I wonder if a trip to Disney World would interest her.  On the up and up of course…

Talking about that, a friend of mine went to Disney World with his wife who was recuperating from a broken leg and was in a wheelchair.  He kept getting rich looking women coming up to him and asking, “Are you done with her?”  Or  “If you aren’t using her, could we?”  Just kidding…but it could happen.