Morning Ejaculation

Don’t you just hate it?  You are all warm and cozy and enjoying your sleep like good sex, you reach down to pull the receding blankets up to your shoulders and as you do, the darn alarm goes off! A pre-mature ejaculation of epic proportions! You thought you were in the middle of the best sleep of your life but unknowingly, it was about to end abruptly.  No warning. Just Beep! Beep! Beep!…

They Killed Bigfoot!


Bigfoot (Photo credit: naturemandala)

In yet another bizarre cover-up, authorities are saying a 44-year old man dressed up as the legendary Bigfoot, was killed while attempting to stir up sightings of the monster.  Don’t y’all believe this for one second.  They done went and killed the real Bigfoot!  Bigfoot is dead!

According to the authorities, the guy was wearing a guillie suit which made him hard to recognize.  He looked like a moving vegetation so up came a car driven by two giggling teens and whack! splat! thud! they ran into the hapless Bigfoot.

yeah right, as if the Eggman would believe that.  No 44 year old is that dumb and stupid to do something like that, even when drunk.  So my explanation is that they killed poor Biggie, maybe by accident and now they are trying to pass it off like he’s still alive and kicking somewhere out there in Montana.  Next, they will be telling us Santa and the Tooth Fairy aren’t real.  These people won’t stop at anything eh?

I demand an autopsy.  Heck, I want to see a death certificate.  This has politics written all over it.   A demonstration is in the works.   I am occupying something until I get answers as to why they went and killed Bigfoot!

Hey, but wouldn’t it be funny if indeed an adult were to actually be that dumb  to stand in traffic while trying to scare people by pretending to be Bigfoot? Nah, no one would be that stupid.  Face it, Bigfoot got killed.

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One dirty old man

In case some of you didn’t know, having a son is a big deal, not that daughters don’t hold their own in  the ‘big deal’ department but as far as I know, no one has ever sacrificed their personal hygiene for a chance of having a daughter.

In a story that sounds a lot like Snoop Dogg Lion’s, an indian man went to see a priest about having a son. The advice he got was to not shower or bathe.  Thirty eight years and seven daughters later, still no son and still no bath.

Now a few things come to mind when reading this outrageous story.   ‘His wife has threatened to stop sleeping in the same bed as him if he didn’t bathe.’  What sort of a threat is that? Every day for the last thirty eight years? By now I think Mr. Dirtyoldman is immune to her empty threats. “Look here dirtbag!  You better clean up your act or I swear this time I won’t sleep in the same bed with you.  Don’t laugh, this time I am dead serious!  You still smell like the curry we cooked last month.”   His response probably goes something like this, “Tut Tut, you say that all the time.  You like the smell don’t you?  Acqua di BiO (B.O as in Body Odor) is your favorite cologne.”

All jokes aside, what does this guy and Snoop Lion have in common?  A lot.  They both worship at the same church, apparently, and meditate using the same drug.  Oh, and they both follow instructions very well, no matter how ridiculous.

Smell you later!

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