Don’t you just hate it? You are all warm and cozy and enjoying your sleep like good sex, you reach down to pull the receding blankets up to your shoulders and as you do, the darn alarm goes off! A pre-mature ejaculation of epic proportions! You thought you were in the middle of the best sleep of your life but unknowingly, it was about to end abruptly. No warning. Just Beep! Beep! Beep!…
Yesterday I read an eye-popping story of a young man who was born as a she but didn’t feel too comfortable in the ‘she’ skin so he changed to a ‘he’ Well, well, well…This guy got my vote on being the hottest pre-transgender and post-transgender human I’ve ever seen! So hot that I had a crush on both of them! And they say I’m straight…
Anyways, as I read the story and saw how beautiful he was before the sex change, I got to wondering if when he looks back on the photos of him as a her in lingerie, does it excite his fancy? Would it? Should it? Or would it feel incestuous? I dunno but I would like to know. Anyone? Bueller?
One of the most common reasons people give for choosing to change sex is that they just didn’t feel they were living as they were supposed to. They were living a lie so to speak. So here’s another of my questions, if as a woman, they had the mind of a man, how does that work for masturbation? Or do they even do it? Ok, I am getting confused and maybe a tad hot and bothered, but if you know the answers to any or all of these questions, drop me a line. I would be happy to hear from you. And you there young fella, do whatever makes you feel happy.
Please read the story here and see what I’m talking about.
So I have invented a new family game that will help everyone understand what to do when in the presence of the Queen. Seems like some people still don’t get it. The game is still in its infancy stages but the premise of it is that players would be faced with different scenarios where they are forced to make decisions to save the queen but not allowed to touch her in any way. You touch her, you lose.
Here’s one such scenario. Liz is on the sinking Titanic and all her handlers have perished and poor Liz is frantic and alone. She’s not used to this so she’s way out of her element and sobbing like an infant. Liz wants off the ship that’s sinking faster than the popularity of the Monarchy. Tossing protocol aside, she reaches her arm out to you for help. Yes, the Queen is reaching out to you, a peon. A commoner! Was that a pig flying overhead?
So, the question is, what do you do? Remember, YOU CAN’T TOUCH THE QUEEN! While you ponder this, here’s another one. The 91 year old Liz is ascending some stairs which at her age, could be a daunting if not treacherous task. You are the closest person to her and you are certain she might trip over the royal rug. You were right! The old lady stumbles towards you and only you could halt her descent. What do you do?
I await your answers…
It’s the story of my life. I am about to stop at a red light and noticed that the other lane over has no traffic. No vehicular presence!
“Right on”! I thought. “I would have nothing but road as soon as the light goes green.” I start to change lanes at about the same time as the turtle ahead of me eho obviously doesn’t need the open road ahead. What would she do with all that road anyways? I swear under my breath and fall into place behind her. Foiled again!
She was having second thoughts about this. It was her first time after all. She’s seen it done on TV and heard people talk about it and how painful it could be. Now it was her turn and as she reclined waiting for him to come into the room, she wasn’t sure she could go through with it. In fact she was sure she didn’t.
He walked in, his instrument held in his hand and pointing upwards. As he approached her, she could see a tiny bead of liquid on the tip. She looked away. “Don’t worry, I will try to be gentle.” He said reassuringly. “I have done many times.” She knew he recently did it to her mom and her sisters but it didn’t make her feel any better.
Then he leaned in. The thing was inches from touching her. She recoiled. “No, please I don’t think I can do this!” In a calm voice he said, “Don’t worry, I won’t take long and I promise it would be done before you know it.” He produced a wipe and dabbed at the area. She felt a coldness on her skin then before she could say anything else, he plunged it in her!
Before she knew it, he pulled it out, stood up and smiled at her. “I told you I won’t be long. It wasn’t that bad now, was it? There might be a little blood but nothing to worry about.” He patted her head. “You were a brave girl. I will see you in a year for your next flu shot.”
I didn’t know it was possible for a person to choose their sexual orientation. That’s not all, one could also get their kids to grow up as a…a…uhm…thing? No wait, an unassigned-gendered organism or being. Yup! yes siree!
I just read, that in British Columbia, (That’s in Canada for you Mercan folks), a baby was giving a ‘U’ for sexual orientation on its health card on the request of the parent who wants to raise the kid as a sex-fence straddler. (I made that word up by the way).
The parent thinks it infringes on the baby’s human rights to be forced to live like a
duck boy or girl. Parent X wants baby Y to choose whether it wants to continue on as a male or female once Baby Y is old enough. (Let’s use X and Y here for clarity). Being gendered without a choice is socially crippling to Baby Y, according to parent x. (Not exactly their words but mine sounds better).
So all these years, I could have been a gir/woman, boy/man and later on pick my sex? Imagine the naked girls I could have seen as I changed in their locker rooms! Or the hung men! My oh my! I’ll take that and that and that! Who the heck decided that I wanted to be male anyways? Who thought I would rather boxers over G-strings? Or be a husband instead of a wife? Or play on a boys’ team instead of a girls’? Or even be on top instead of…oh never mind. Hell, I even attend an all-boys high school!
I love this new world order. Wrong is right and right is wrong. Male is female and female is whatever it wants to be. No boundaries! I tell ya, things, they are a changing…
Read story here.
Help! My cousin is missing! I haven’t seen her in about two years and someone or something has taken over all her social media accounts. Whenever I creep her Instagram, Facebook or Snapchat account, I see someone or something that looks nothing like her. This thing has rabbit ears, dog nose and flawless skin. The mouth is that of a dog’s and to top it off, there’s a crown of flowers on its/her head. What should I do? Should I file a missing person report?
I simply cannot stand the internet these days. Well not exactly the internet,the world wide web, the WWW. The thing is, not to long ago, I could do a search in Google or whatever search engine and I will click on the link I like best and it will show me ‘just the facts, sir’. Now when I click on the link, it takes me to a page with a couple of sentences that relate to the topic I searched for and the rest is INTERESTING STUFF!
Just today, I clicked on a link that was supposed to take me to videos showing the effects of Trump’s ban on immigration. The first thing that caught my eye was a photo of racks. Yes, that kind of a rack. Cleavages! Not uncovered, mind you, but enough to pique my interest, especially when it said, ‘What shape breasts are you?’
Of course I want to see how my breasts stack up against whatever ones they had on display, so Muslim Ban forgotten and off into breastland I go. I didn’t stay long though because, yes you guessed it, I was again bombarded with a bunch of other options to check out. See what the cameraman captured, Stars who showed too much, 20 things you never knew existed, animals you never knew existed…the list goes on. and on and I went on and on and on until, you guessed it, I was on some hub or something like that. Oh well..
So yes, I can’t just surf anymore. Impossible.
Hey Dads, and you too moms, ever noticed how you have different feelings towards your child calling ‘mommy’ or ‘Daddy’?
When your little one first utters the word ‘Dadda’ or ‘Mama’, you drop whatever you were doing, and run to their crib, or where ever they are. “Oh my God! She said Dadda! She said Dadda! Did you hear that, hon? Babes, little Elsa just said Dadda!” As the ‘Dadda’ utterances get more frequent, your response times slows until one day, you barely react. Glued to your television set watching the Winnipeg Jets play the Washington Capitals, little Elsa’s ‘Dadda’ falls on deaf ears.
Unfortunately, little Elsa is not ‘little’ anymore. The cuteness is gone. Elsa is 7 years old and now says ‘daddy’ instead of ‘dadda’. You barely noticed the transition and sometimes actually cringe when you hear ‘Daddy!’ Just call your mom, already! What does a guy have to do to just get some peace and quiet around here? It’s not the same anymore, is it?
A few weeks ago, while downtown, I happened to be walking behind a couple of ‘well-dressed’ women out for night of party. As they walked, their hands were busy trying to keep their much-too-short dresses that looked more like a shirt, from giving passers-by an accidental sneak peak. Fortunately for them, they were successful. Unfortunately for them, their luck didn’t hold when it came to their shoes.
These women were wearing shoes with stilt-like heels. All of a sudden, one of them had an ankle that decided it wanted to get closer to the ground. The young woman wanted none of that and fought to resist this upstarted ankle. She over corrected and next thing you know, she is fighting with both ankles, stumbling like a drunken sailor, this way and that until she finally got within arm’s reach of a railing which she hung on to for dear life. Not to be outdone, her friend’s ankles decided to do the same thing and she too ended up sharing the railing with her friend. A smile creased my face as I walked past them, fighting the urge to laugh out loud.
That was the consequences of dressing inappropriately. These women were dressed to look good, and they did, but it was came at a price. Apparently, they had no clue that they were dressed inappropriate so I came up with some points for those of you who might be dressing inappropriately but have no idea.
If you spend your fun night out pulling the hem of your skirt or dress down, you are dressed inappropriately. Go change.
If you walk around as though about to fall on your face because you just had to buy those 6″ high heels, you are dressed inappropriately. Watch the video below.
Those 80’s high waisted shorts are back in! The ones that go way up pass your belly button. Well if your belly button is hogging the covers more than your butt cheeks, then maybe you are also dressed inappropriately? You think? Doesn’t matter what I think!
Talking about shorts, if yours are so short that the underside of your butt winks at me as you walk by, what do think? It doesn’t matter if I wink back!
If there’s no beach in sight for miles, yet you are dressed in a nice sexy 2-piece bathing suit and walking around the town, then yup, you look good but inappropriate. Let’s call it inappropriate sexiness. Like that racist joke you heard at work, sounded good but so inappropriate. A friend of mine on a recent trip to Disney, asked the question on Facebook if it was right for young, I mean really young, girls to walk around the beach in Disneyland wearing thongs. You tell me.
If there’s a beach close by but you saw it fit to wander off in your new thongs and mingle with families just out for a stroll, then maybe you are dressed inappropriately. It doesn’t matter if I like it.
Last winter, I saw a lot of young women wearing house slippers outside, even with snow on the ground. That has to be a mental thing but it’s still inappropriate! I don’t care if it’s warm and comfy!
You are not in bed but at the mall yet you are clad in your cotton flannel pajama pants. (And house slippers!) Definitely inappropriate. Go back to bed!
If your OUTERwear is getting more air time than your UNDERwear, you just might be dressed inappropriately. Doesn’t matter if I like it!
If none of the above applies to you but your 12-year old daughter is guilty, then tell her nicely that she’s dressing inappropriately.
Talking about daughter, if you and your daughter fight over who gets to wear what, then let her have it, it’s inappropriate for you anyways.
There’s a time and a place for everything, even your inappropriate attire, it’s in October and it’s called Halloween.
But again, maybe I’m just out of touch with the times…