Friday Folly: Questions For Caitlyn Jenner

The big news of the week was how Bruce Jenner turned into a woman.  Well not exactly turned into as that sounds like a frog turning into a prince. More like had a medically induced sex change.  Because I’m a naturally curious person, especially when it comes to stuff like this, I had some questions that only Bruce Caitlyn Jenner would be able to answer.

We all know that Caitlyn was a normal macho, olympic-gold-medal-winning man named Bruce.  I am sure he had thoughts of the opposite sex. Well duh! He was married to the opposite sex!  Now my question is this, does the surgery also alter the way one thinks so he or she no longer thinks the way they did as a man or woman?  For instance, if the surgery is only skin-deep and Bruce’s Caitlyn’s mind is still the same mind he she had prior, does the sight of her his female organs turn him her on? Would he she sit and play with them for hours? Like rub her his boobs and vagina? Just wondering. I probably would.

Another question is this, going with my hunch that the mind remains the same after the surgery, how would Bruce Caitlyn feel the first time he she’s hit on by a guy?  Would he she forget that he she is now a she and slug him for suggesting he’s gay? How do you go from liking women to becoming one?  Does it mean the person had to be a closet gay all along? Was Bruce gay? If so, then disregard all the above and pardon my ignorance. I am as confused as a man living in the body of a woman. All the he to she and vice versa is making my head spin.

Note: I don’t think I can handle being a woman for a day, I might rape myself.  Just think, the thing you spent all your life chasing, now attached to you permanently? At your own disposal? Bruce, you lucky dog! Good luck with Caitlyln.

 

When Stars Collide

Don’t you just love it when celebs fight? It’s not like the normal fights us peons have. It’s kinda funny, stupid and dumb at the same time. And then to top it off, their twitter followers usually side with them and harass their opponents. Take Kid Rock and Beyonce for example.  Apparently Kid Rock questioned The Queen Bey’s claim to success, saying that she doesn’t have a legit hit but still is uber successful. What does the Bey say? Well she didn’t have to say anything, her Beyhive did all the talking, spamming poor Kid Rock’s Twitter page and his other social media accounts. Poor Mr. Rock, indeed.

To be fair, Beyonce has earned her stripes the hard way, by being a Queen B as in…nevermind that but contrary to what the Kid said, she does have some smash classic hits, destined to go down in the annals of music history.  Songs such as…nevermind that also. I am so forgetful today.  Part of growing old I guess.

Beyonce is best known for being half of a Beauty And The Beast relationship.  Can you guess which half she is? Kid Rock also thinks that the Bey’s body, notably her ass, is to be blamed or credited for her astounding success. Some may say it’s the Beast in her. Oops! No pun there.  Still waiting for some leaked pics of her to determine what exactly is responsible for the buzz around the Bey. Oh Beyhive!

 

All Brawn No Brains

English: Fitness Model posing with dumbell. Ph...

English: Fitness Model posing with dumbell. Photo by Glenn Francis of http://www.PacificProDigital.com (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

An epic and tragic example that being a model does not qualify one to be a model for smarts is this. A popular model was filming on a train track, why a train track? When he was hit by a train.  Wait a damn minute! Why would you be on a train track and if you are filming, why wouldn’t the photogs alert you of the danger? They are not too bright either?

I heard that the train was actually honking its horn but the model thought that it was on a parallel track so he didn’t budge. Ok ok, wait another minute! How did they know what he thought since he was killed on the spot? And why didn’t he at least look to see if a train was coming? wtf is this?  A bloody joke?

So this model was actually a big fitness model featured on countless magazines and shit but in terms of smartness he was unfit.  He had brawns but no brains as they would say. He was a model idiot they would also say, meaning no disrespect to the dead man. I would say he was one determined fella who let nothing derail his career. Say what you want of him but he stayed on track till the very end. Ok enough! Read it for yourselves.

Killed while shooting on a train track…whatever…

 

Honey, I Saw Our Daughter’s Ass

Too often, I read of stories where parents, granted, most of them celebrities, which doesn’t make them real parents, have watched their children perform in nude scenes without being bothered.  Some moms have sat in the audience while their sons used their penis like putty to make silly shapes. Not bothered one bit.  Some men have also showed up at the daughters’ strip joints and enjoyed a show with their buddies.

Take this story for example, NBC Nightly News broadcaster Brian Williams, watched his daughter Allison in a raunchy sex scene recently. He attended a premiere of the new season of Girls. The scene called for Allison’s lover to get close and personal with her naked ass.  “Get your face in there!” Yelled the director. “Not you sir”, he added as Brian got up out of seat.

I don’t know about you but watching my daughter have sex is not something I have on my bucket list. In fact, the mere thought disgusts me. Isn’t that a torture tactic where terrorists force you to watch them have sex with your family? Why would anyone, especially a dad, willingly watch this? Well unless he has some kinda…nevermind.

Next time you talk to Brian, say to him, “Hey, nice ass on your daughter! I would like to tap that”.  You never know, he might ask if he could watch.

Bill ‘Get Cozy’ Cosby Went Nowhere Without His Pill

Ole Bill Cosby
Was a sly old fox
A real sly one was he.
When he wanted a chick
He became a real prick
Not like the Dad on TV.

Old Bill was no fool
He acted so cool
And he always had a good joke
He took the girls drinking
Who didn’t know he was thinking
Of finding a place he could poke.

Old Bill they could trust
Not the type who would lust
Or take advantage of women.
He would never think
Of spiking their drink
You think? well then think again.

Old Bill was indeed a snake
He was Mr. Huxtable, for Christ’s sakes!
What’s wrong with this man?
I was once a fan
Now I wish he would jump in a lake!

Well Mr. Huxtable aka Bill
Put all his girls on the pill
And then against their will
He then took his fill
While asleep he went for the kill.

I hope Bill pays
The case must stay
Rape is indeed a crime.
Cosby or not
In jail he should rot
Please let Old Billy do time!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Friday Folly: Jian Ghomeshi’s Choked Me!

By now you may have heard about the Canadian lover boy, Jian Ghomeshi, if not, go back in your hole until you do.  Jian will sleep with anything and anyone.  Authors, actresses, students, young, old, men, chickens…yes I said chickens. What? You didn’t know?

After the countless women came forward with claims of being choked during sex by Jian, a male accuser also stepped forward but he was only fondled by Ghomeshi.  But his pet chicken is now the latest to step up.  Yes, I did say his pet chicken.

Apparently the chicken is accusing Jian of, yes you guessed it, of choking him!  Jian Ghomeshi choked his chicken too!  After choking just about every chick in the country, how could he even find the time to choke his chicken? That Ghomeshi is something else…

 

 

In The Name Of Kanye, Rise Up And Walk!

English: The words "Kanye West" in t...

English: The words “Kanye West” in the theme of Kanye West’s “G.O.O.D. Friday” song series’ artwork. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As further proof that Kanye thinks he is God, he tried  forcing wheel-chair bound concert-goers to stand up before he drop his rhymes.  ‘All hail the God!’ Apparently Kanye was less than impressed that anyone, crippled or otherwise, would dare sit while in his court.

Kanye even sent out his disciples disguised as bodyguards to see what was causing the hold up.  The disciples brought him back word that a few of the holdouts were actually handicapped and couldn’t stand.  Mr. West grudgingly accepted their excuses and continued on with the show. He was less than impressed.  Poor Kanye.

I hope Kanye never performs at a hospital for sick kids…

Manic Monday: Illiterate Boxer vs Irrelevant Rapper

The war of words between boxer Floyd Mayweather and rapper 50 Cents continued last week with Mayweather saying that 50 Cents was no longer relevant.  Mr. Cents hit back at Floyd, revealing that he had a problem reading. And not because of bad eyesight caused by being punched too many times either.

50 issued a challenge to the already challenged boxer by telling him if he could read a page of Harry Potter without any problems, he would donate 75,000 to a charity.  Nice! Well I could settle that debate easily.  Floyd doesn’t strike me as a very bright young fella and 50 was borderline relevant to begin with.  So in a way, they are both right! Case closed.

50 Cents has 99 problems and reading probably isn’t one. In regards to their particular field, they are both representing quite well.  An illiterate boxer and a washed-up rapper.  Folks, we have a Mexican standoff!

Tears Of A Clown

Tears of a Clown (album)

Tears of a Clown (album) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

About two months ago, I drafted this post, or at least the topic. I fully intended to published it but because of its seriousness, it never made it past the topic.  I did, however, kept it in my drafts awaiting the right time.  Today is that time.

Now the reason why I even thought of such a brooding topic in sharp contrast to what this blog is about, was that I happened to be going through a dark period, albeit short, where I was funny on the outside but really sad and gloomy inside. I was wearing a painted on smile, like a clown.  Don’t ask me why as I really don’t have a reason.  Call it midlife crisis?

Why is today a good day to undraft this blog?  Well today, a man who portrayed the epitome of fun and laughter died.  Robin Williams was the guy whose movies you wanted to watch when you were in a funk.  His face alone would make you feel that all was well with the world.  The fact that someone like him who stood for funny and carefree and  gave off such an aura of well-being, could have so much darkness inside that made him take his own life, is incredible and hard to grasp.

Sometimes a clown cries beneath his mask…RIP Robin Williams.

Robin Williams Canada

Robin Williams Canada (Photo credit: Wikipedia)