Don’t you just hate it? You are all warm and cozy and enjoying your sleep like good sex, you reach down to pull the receding blankets up to your shoulders and as you do, the darn alarm goes off! A pre-mature ejaculation of epic proportions! You thought you were in the middle of the best sleep of your life but unknowingly, it was about to end abruptly. No warning. Just Beep! Beep! Beep!…
Yesterday I read an eye-popping story of a young man who was born as a she but didn’t feel too comfortable in the ‘she’ skin so he changed to a ‘he’ Well, well, well…This guy got my vote on being the hottest pre-transgender and post-transgender human I’ve ever seen! So hot that I had a crush on both of them! And they say I’m straight…
Anyways, as I read the story and saw how beautiful he was before the sex change, I got to wondering if when he looks back on the photos of him as a her in lingerie, does it excite his fancy? Would it? Should it? Or would it feel incestuous? I dunno but I would like to know. Anyone? Bueller?
One of the most common reasons people give for choosing to change sex is that they just didn’t feel they were living as they were supposed to. They were living a lie so to speak. So here’s another of my questions, if as a woman, they had the mind of a man, how does that work for masturbation? Or do they even do it? Ok, I am getting confused and maybe a tad hot and bothered, but if you know the answers to any or all of these questions, drop me a line. I would be happy to hear from you. And you there young fella, do whatever makes you feel happy.
Please read the story here and see what I’m talking about.
I simply cannot stand the internet these days. Well not exactly the internet,the world wide web, the WWW. The thing is, not to long ago, I could do a search in Google or whatever search engine and I will click on the link I like best and it will show me ‘just the facts, sir’. Now when I click on the link, it takes me to a page with a couple of sentences that relate to the topic I searched for and the rest is INTERESTING STUFF!
Just today, I clicked on a link that was supposed to take me to videos showing the effects of Trump’s ban on immigration. The first thing that caught my eye was a photo of racks. Yes, that kind of a rack. Cleavages! Not uncovered, mind you, but enough to pique my interest, especially when it said, ‘What shape breasts are you?’
Of course I want to see how my breasts stack up against whatever ones they had on display, so Muslim Ban forgotten and off into breastland I go. I didn’t stay long though because, yes you guessed it, I was again bombarded with a bunch of other options to check out. See what the cameraman captured, Stars who showed too much, 20 things you never knew existed, animals you never knew existed…the list goes on. and on and I went on and on and on until, you guessed it, I was on some hub or something like that. Oh well..
So yes, I can’t just surf anymore. Impossible.
A few weeks ago, while downtown, I happened to be walking behind a couple of ‘well-dressed’ women out for night of party. As they walked, their hands were busy trying to keep their much-too-short dresses that looked more like a shirt, from giving passers-by an accidental sneak peak. Fortunately for them, they were successful. Unfortunately for them, their luck didn’t hold when it came to their shoes.
These women were wearing shoes with stilt-like heels. All of a sudden, one of them had an ankle that decided it wanted to get closer to the ground. The young woman wanted none of that and fought to resist this upstarted ankle. She over corrected and next thing you know, she is fighting with both ankles, stumbling like a drunken sailor, this way and that until she finally got within arm’s reach of a railing which she hung on to for dear life. Not to be outdone, her friend’s ankles decided to do the same thing and she too ended up sharing the railing with her friend. A smile creased my face as I walked past them, fighting the urge to laugh out loud.
That was the consequences of dressing inappropriately. These women were dressed to look good, and they did, but it was came at a price. Apparently, they had no clue that they were dressed inappropriate so I came up with some points for those of you who might be dressing inappropriately but have no idea.
If you spend your fun night out pulling the hem of your skirt or dress down, you are dressed inappropriately. Go change.
If you walk around as though about to fall on your face because you just had to buy those 6″ high heels, you are dressed inappropriately. Watch the video below.
Those 80’s high waisted shorts are back in! The ones that go way up pass your belly button. Well if your belly button is hogging the covers more than your butt cheeks, then maybe you are also dressed inappropriately? You think? Doesn’t matter what I think!
Talking about shorts, if yours are so short that the underside of your butt winks at me as you walk by, what do think? It doesn’t matter if I wink back!
If there’s no beach in sight for miles, yet you are dressed in a nice sexy 2-piece bathing suit and walking around the town, then yup, you look good but inappropriate. Let’s call it inappropriate sexiness. Like that racist joke you heard at work, sounded good but so inappropriate. A friend of mine on a recent trip to Disney, asked the question on Facebook if it was right for young, I mean really young, girls to walk around the beach in Disneyland wearing thongs. You tell me.
If there’s a beach close by but you saw it fit to wander off in your new thongs and mingle with families just out for a stroll, then maybe you are dressed inappropriately. It doesn’t matter if I like it.
Last winter, I saw a lot of young women wearing house slippers outside, even with snow on the ground. That has to be a mental thing but it’s still inappropriate! I don’t care if it’s warm and comfy!
You are not in bed but at the mall yet you are clad in your cotton flannel pajama pants. (And house slippers!) Definitely inappropriate. Go back to bed!
If your OUTERwear is getting more air time than your UNDERwear, you just might be dressed inappropriately. Doesn’t matter if I like it!
If none of the above applies to you but your 12-year old daughter is guilty, then tell her nicely that she’s dressing inappropriately.
Talking about daughter, if you and your daughter fight over who gets to wear what, then let her have it, it’s inappropriate for you anyways.
There’s a time and a place for everything, even your inappropriate attire, it’s in October and it’s called Halloween.
But again, maybe I’m just out of touch with the times…
I won’t be needing your services anymore. Why? You have the nerve to ask me why? Well darling, I trusted you. Trust is earned. Trust is scarce these days. You can’t find anyone you could trust anymore. I trusted that what we had between us would stay discreet and private, only to find out that it wasn’t so. Now I fear that my wife will soon find out about us!
Ashley, this is serious! I hooked up with you to cheat on my wife. Forget what I just said about trust. For now. I needed some discreet and private action on the side. You promised me that you were up to it. I love my wife, Ashley, of course I do! But a side thing is no harm, right honey? You even said so yourself so don’t go giving me this tude. But back to what I am writing about, I am done! I am going back to my wife and will apologize before she finds out about what we had.
Know what sucks? Is having a loose-lipped ‘other woman’. Now thanks to this, my life could be ruined…Thanks Ashley. For nothing! What? Hacked? What’s that and who cares? I don’t care baby, I trusted you and you betrayed that trust. Lose my number.
Dear readers, I have a problem. You see, I have this habit of double glancing everytime I see a beautiful woman. It doesn’t help that I think women are God’s most beautiful creation, bar none. If a woman walks past me in yoga pants, lululemon or tight jeans, I can’t help but look back to see if she looks as good leaving as she did coming. Nothing sexual or lustful, just pure admiration for the fairer sex and the presentation. I am happily married and think my wife is the cat’s meow so I guess it’s more like admiring your neighbor’s expensive red jaguar. Not wanting the expense but thinking it’s still a beauty to admire. So now you get where I’m coming from? Don’t want you to start judging me, calling me a playa and all that, because I swear, that’s not how it is at all. Don’t judge be because of that last post. Here.
But anyways, I am not writing this blog to confess my bad habit to you, no sir/ma’am. The reason I’m blogging is actually to tell you what happened on Saturday morning. My 8-year-old has soccer practice on Saturday mornings and instead of taking turns driving him, I told the wifey that I would do the honors. I am more of the morning person and enjoy the alone-time, drinking my coffee while I wait for him. Going to MacDonald’s for breakfast after is a good deal maker too. So anyways, while standing on the side of the field, I caught myself double looking at a female coach who was coaching some 5-6-year olds. Yes, she was wearing lululemons. Or were they yoga pants? I was mad at myself and made a mental vow that starting immediately, I would not give any woman the double-look again. I vowed to be strong. I had to stop before it got out of hand, right? So yep, no more checking out the grass on the other side. Done!
While enjoying my new-found emancipation from this binding addiction, movement on my periphery caught my attention. I turned my head and saw it was just a blonde young woman, dressed in lululemon pants, or were they yoga? and matching top, out for a run. Her pony-tailed hair swooped from side to side like a horse’s. (Oh, that’s why they call them pony tail! Aha moment!).
Vow forgotten, tossed to the wind like torn up paper, I double glanced. Yup, I did. It was the hair, I swear! She probably used it to put weak men with vows in trances. Mesmerize us. Had to be. as here I was, double, triple, quadruple glancing, waiting for her to go by to see if she had the correct running form. She did! He hips, shoulders and entire body was a mass of rhythm. I was proud of her. Like a running coach admiring his star athlete.
Ok, nothing is as beautiful as a woman and nothing is as graceful as a human running. See where I’m going with this? So yup, I broke my vow before it was even cooled from exiting the warmth confines of my thought. I disgraced the school of thought.
Honey, let’s go running. Better yet, you go running around the block while I watch. Yes, around the bed is fine too…
Check this out:
I am always on the lookout for products that can prolong my life. Be it pills, food, hygienic practices or even sunscreen. Yes, sunscreen. Don’t you know too much sun can cause skin cancer? So quite naturally I saw a piece trending on yahoo with photo too:
Well of course I had to check it out! The story I meant. Not the blonde and the brunette, silly! In fact I didn’t even notice them until later, much later. So I clicked on the link and it took me to the meat of the story with another accompanying pic.
Wow! Look at that! The story I mean. Our sunscreen just may not work! OMG! that’s hot! The sun I mean! And honey dear, I swear, it was all about the sunscreen…
Thanks to Lululemon, my balls could now breathe easily. With my wearing of all those balls-unfriendly pants, it’s no wonder I suffered from blue balls continuously. The below pic is not of it but it’s all I could find.
Lululemon has invented a pants for us men to protect our jewels. It’s like a jock strap with legs. I am not sure how it works but it does! I tried on a pair and noticed the difference immediately. I can’t explain it but my balls just didn’t feel so crushable. I dared my balls crusher wife to try her stuff on me and you know what? She couldn’t crush my nuts!
Thank you LuLu. Now can I have some Anti-blueballs pants?
You seriously can’t make this stuff up. I wish you can but no you really can’t. A shepherd was so lonely that he made himself a scarecrow to keep him company. He got carried away with his invention that he also made the thing his sexual partner. And that’s where things got complicated.
The shepherd died while having sex with his scarecrow! I am not sure if he was scared to death or he probably used the scarecrow’s stake to impale himself or what but he died! And he did the deed. The good thing is that he dressed her up in wig and lipstick. I can see why he would want to do her…Lipstick and wig? hmm…
Seriously, WTF is wrong with people nowadays?
When I were a little horn dog, experiencing puberty and mentally humping everything in skirts, where were those perverted but sexy female teachers who prey on their students? Like the one here. So not fair!
Where were those understanding teachers who see past their students failures and ineptitude and see them as just needing to be held and to be loved? You know what I’m talking about, those teachers who have never heard the word ‘fail’. So not fair!
Those anti-bullying laws, where were they when I…you got the point, and it’s so not fair!
Yoga pants, scantily clad girls, gadgets, cool parents who give allowances and let you drive their cars, LGBT acceptance, Fifty Shades Of Grey, talentless singers, easily-accessible porn…where the heck were they back in my day?
Yep, it’s so not fair!