Friday Folly: The Best Dumb And Useless Thing Ever But I Like It. Well Sorta.

At a football game recently, the Cheerleaders paraded out to the cheers of the crowd. Yes, they were hot and clad in skimpy and sexy outfits. Yes they were pleasing to the eyes. Yes, they revealed a lot of skin.  Behind me, a middle-aged man was making fun of his buddy as he leered at the girls old enough to be his granddaughter,  “Oh you are going to have a stroke!” he jokingly said.  The guy probably was going to have a stroke but it wasn’t the kind his buddy meant.

As I watched the pleasing-to-the-eye distraction, I thought to myself, “Is this really necessary?” With the fake smiles and midriff-baring outfits, leered and lusted at by old men like me.  Hey, I was just kidding! I wasn’t lusting!  I wondered about the whole meaning and aptness of this. A man’s game with a side show of hot chicks? What’s the connection? Who came up with this stuff? Maybe the same people who thought it was a great idea for hot chicks to do beer commercials and just about anything else that needs selling to the masses?

Back to the cheerleaders. Well they were standing on each other, doing lateral splits that threatened the frail hearts of the aging, falling into the arms of their beefy male catchers, gyrating, waving, doing whatever it takes to charm the crowd. The girls behind me barely noticed, too bad. The men behind me barely noticed a game was going on. Too bad.

Like I said, it’s dumb and utterly useless and maybe even a step back for female empowerment but hey, they looked darn good out there!

My World Cup Soccer Crush

I have a confession.  I am a soccer fan and I am following The World Cup but it’s held in Brazil. I know, I confuse you there.  You are going, “Yeah, we know it’s in Brazil, so what?” I love Brazilians. There, I said it.  Let me explain before I totally lose you.

In case you are ignorant to such things, Brazil to me, has some of the hottest women in the world. (Must be the weather). And they love soccer. And when they love to wear cut-off jeans.  You know the ones with the pockets hanging lower than the cut-off? Yeah. So as I watched the beautiful and artistic game of soccer, I can’t help but also enjoy seeing the Brazilian gals draped patriotically in their country’s flag, smiling back at me from my big screen tv.  It’s distracting, it’s heavenly, it’s soccer! Viva Brazil!

So I think I now watch the World Cup with ulterior motives.  Throw me a bone here, you probably do the same too. At least I actually do like the game, do you? It’s not my fault I have good taste in women and I like beautiful things. My wife can attest to that, she’s prime example. Shit! Gotta go, there’s a game on!

Note: The other South American Countries are well represented as well and are holding their own quite nicely.

Arriba!

Arriba!

 

Monday Madness: Two Man Luge Rubs Me The Wrong Way

thI love the Olympics, both winter and summer.  With athletes performing at the top of their game, looking chiseled and tool, doing what they do best, it’s just awesome!  Then there’s the two-man luge.

I never paid much attention to it until last week’s even at the Sochi Olympics.  In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever watched it.  For those of you who either don’t enjoy watching the Olympics or just don’t know what a two-man luge is, it’s basically what it says.  Two men in a tiny luge. Yep, they are lying on each other.

I find it rather disturbing, this two-man luge.  (Well duh, if I didn’t I won’t be blogging about it).  If you are not gay before going down that slippery slope, after a few practice rounds you might start to entertain the idea.  Even just a wee bit.

The Mayor of Sochi who before the game proclaimed that “Sochi does not have any gays” must be rolling in his grave. Oh sorry, just been informed that he’s alive and well.  I was probably thinking of Putin. He’s alive and well too? Well never mind.  Let’s just say that those homophobes are doing a slow burn each time a well-lubed luge slide down the grease path with two men in a compromising position.  Hell, even I cringe at the sight.

With an organ that’s liable to react to the slightest friction, there’s no way another of my kind is rubbing his rump on my nether region in the name of sports.  A mixed pair I wouldn’t mind. Or even a four person team with three women and the token male to do the heavy lifting.  I hear those luge are heavy.  I wonder if the Dufour-Lapointe sisters are interested…

You win some you luge some

You win some you luge some

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Hockey? What Hockey Game?

thI wanted to go out and enjoy some time with friends while eating some expensive hotdogs and drinking some over-priced brews.  I stumbled upon such a place and paid the much-too-high admission fee to get in.  Seems like a lot of people had the same idea as I did as the place was teeming with people.  Chicks dressed up like it was hottest chick-gets-free-drinks night, man it looked like the place to be. I was ready…

Then a darn hockey game broke out!  Yes, a hockey game.  It sucked because it took everyone’s attention.  Instead we all had to sit down on some uncomfortable chairs that were too close to each other. Us guys didn’t really mind too much but man were the hot chicks pissed!  They all had their cell phones out and were texting, tweeting, instagramming, facebooking, “WTF is this? I am wearing high heels for goodness sake! I didn’t come here to watch a dumbass hockey game!  I am going to get shit-face!” And so they did. And so did I!

If you’ve been to one of these places then you would know what I’m talking about.  You see these girls and you know right off the bat that they are not there for the game.  In fact, you doubt that they even know what teams are playing.  They are either there to drink themselves silly or to pick up hot guys like me.  Or maybe a mixture of both.

Talking about hockey game, why do players argue when they are penalized? “Ref, I swear it wasn’t me.”  or “What?!  Two minutes for tripping? I didn’t even touch the guy!”  Seriously? It’s not as if the referee is going to rethink their decision. “You didn’t touch him? Oh my bad. Scratch that call please!  Number 87 has notified me that he didn’t touch the player.  Play on!” Save your breath and energy for your next shift.

A big thanks to those hotties that show up at the barsocial, these hockey games.  Sometimes you are all that’s worth looking at.

Yoo hoo! Another beer here please!

Yoo hoo! Another beer here please!

Disclaimer:  This blog is not intended to make slight of the many true and genuine hockey loving women out there.

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Tales From Superbowl

odds-to-win-the-super-bowl-2013Superbowl 2013 is over and the Ravens are the new champions.  I am not a big football fan. I watch the odd game on a Sunday afternoon but I don’t have a favorite team or anything.  Well I kinda like the Redskins but that’s about it.

Yesterday’s game was more about the food and the good time hanging out with family and friends than it was about the game. Oh, and also about the commercials and the halftime show.

Beyonce, who I am not a fan of, was good.  Scratch that, she was awesome! She looked as hot as the fresh-out-of-the-oven pizza I was enjoying as I watched her gyrate and twist herself up like a pretzel.  I enjoyed every bit of it.  It was good to see Destiny Child on stage together again too.  But I’m still not a Beyonce fan. But those legs…

th

Were you still watching when the lights went out? What’s up with that ?  Know what I think?  I think there was some guy or guys outside who wanted to get in but couldn’t.  So they did something like pulled a plug or whatever, plunged the place in darkness then sneaked in.  Didn’t you noticed there were a couple faces you saw in the second half that you didn’t see in the first? Yep, that’s exactly what I think happened.  Share that.  Or it could also have been a ploy by the 49ers.  Maybe they used the cover of the blackout to spike the Ravens’ Gatorade.  That would explain the sudden turn around in the ball game…Nah!  I’ll go with the first one.

What else?  Oh the commercials.  That psy guy is all over the place eh?  His 15 seconds of fame is turning into 365 days.  Did you catch his commercial, doing the Gangnam style and all?  And the actual football game?  Did you happen to catch a bit of it in between commercials? It was a yawner before the lights went out and I actually thought the Ravens were going to murder the 49ers.  (Oops, pardon the Ray Lewis pun.  You didn’t catch that?) but after that it got a bit more interesting and the 49ers acquitted themselves well.  (Sorry, couldn’t help that one).

Oh and how awesome and touching was that performance by the Sandy Hook kids, (I call them survivors)?  Too bad most of us only chose to remember Beyonce’s legs.

See you next year for Superbowl 2014.  Can’t wait.  I wonder what my wife will cook up…

So, do you think Ray Lewis got away with murder?  Ok nevermind. Sorry for bringing that up.  I think he did though.

The things you see and hear at a football game.

Remember that blog I did about people having that ‘gym look’?  If not, read it here.  Well at a recent football game, I was reminded of that as I looked and listened to the people around me.  I know, I should have been concentrating on the football game but with my home team getting blown out like they have been all season, there was not much to cheer about on concentrate on.

I saw a guy wearing a pink tutu.  I found out later that it was a bachelor party thing.  Thankfully, he was wearing his pants underneath.  There were young ladies who apparently had bugs in their seat as they just couldn’t sit down for a length of time.  It was either bugs or they just wanted to show off their shirt skirts and low tops.  Those skirts sure weren’t made for walking up those stadium stairs.  I am just saying…

Check out his pipes! and skirt.

Still talking about the young women, they looked as though they stumbled into the wrong party and I was tempted to ask them some game-related questions like what was the score?  and what team we were playing…”Game? You mean I am at a game? I just thought this was some big party.”

How about the two season ticket holders who sat directly in front of me?  They amused themselves by singing along to the songs that blared through the loud speaker.  When the song stopped, they didn’t.  They leaned and sang in each other’s ears, how cute. They seemed happy that they knew all the words to Vanilla Ice’s ‘Ice Ice Baby’ and other oldies.

Why me??

To my annoyance, an obviously intoxicated chick stood up and flashed her boobs.  I was annoyed because I was seated behindher.  Security made her sit her ass back down and behave, disappointing some leering men…and a few women.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Nice balls!

A woman who I thought should have been considered as a replacement for the fired coach, did a running game commentary.  (Maybe she did apply and wasn’t considered based on her sex). She kept her section updated on the status of the players and what play they should make.  She spoke with such authority that for a second or two, I actually listened to her.  The guy directly behind her was a different story.  He was one of those sport fans who disagreed with every call that went against their team. “What the heck kinda call is that?”  “Asshole! The coach sucks!”  “You’re not gonna call that one now are you? Yeah, you put your whistle away when it’s our guys eh?.  That was a f@@king dirty hit on our quarterback!”    As the home team continued their dismal play, his rhetoric changed to, “I am getting the hell out of here.  This team really blows ass!”  “First down? They got a first down? Big deal! Score some effing points!”  It was funny and annoying all at the same time.  As the evening went on, it became just annoying.

Mr. Negative had a female counterpart sitting behind me.  She yelled at the top of her lungs at every call, every bad play and everything else. It was like listening to  bullshit in stereo!

The bar apparently was operating on a limited inventory.  At least on beer.  Everyone seemed to know this and made sure they had two or more drinks going at once.  No one likes a beer shortage. Even the ‘lost girls’ were two-fisting, which wasn’t such a good thing as the last thing anyone wants are drunken lost girls parading around in short skirts and low tops.  Scratch that, the last thing security wants.

Do you know that the people I mentioned in That Gym Look blog also show up at games?  Well of course.  With 30,000 people in attendance, there is no better or bigger stage to show off those pipes and six packs.

Know what I liked though? The smooch cam! Yeah! The camera picks random couples sitting together and urges them to kiss! Now how can they tell if they even know each other?  Next game, I’m going to try and score a seat right next to one of them loose lost girls with the short skirts.  I’ll wait patiently for the smooch cam…Kiss? Me and her? But..but…Ok what the heck, she’s drunk as a skunk anyways.

I can sit next to that next game and the next and the next…

What’s in a name?

The Olympics sure have its share of funny moments, don’t you agree?  There is that Bulgarian, aptly named Vania Stambelova (pronounced like ‘stumble over’), who actually lived up to her name by stumbling over a hurdle while running in the 400m heats.  Talking about apt names, how about Usain ‘The Lightning’ Bolt?  Bolt? Seriously?  What were his parents thinking?  That he would become the world’s fastest man?   Yeah right.  While on the topic of names, how about the Korean pole vaulter, Kim Yoo Suk?  I can hear the crowd chanting,  KIM YOU SUCK!  How motivating.

While watching vaulting, I heard the announcer say, ‘There are no Poles in vaulting’.  I thought, what? How could this be?  It took me a while before I realized that he meant that Poland did not have an athlete in that event…I AM KIDDING! I just felt like yanking your chain there.  Have a chuckle, will you?

What else can I say about the Olympics? Oh yeah, we, as in Canada, won gold in Trampoline, proving we have the best trampoliner in the world.  Take that China! In  your face USA!  We even got a 4th place finish too.  Wait a minute! How did we get two athletes in the top 5?  Are you saying the other countries do no take trampolining seriously? Well I’ll be damned!  Who cares, a win’s a win.  We will take it as we are in no position to argue.  Karen COCKBURN was our fourth place finisher.  Now what prompted me to capitalize her last name…  If I had that last name, I’d be seeing me a doctor.  I am thinking she should maybe have a talk with LUBA Golovina, the 7th place finisher.  She might be able to provide some relief.  In a strange twist, the winner of the men’s trampoline event was China’s Dong Dong.  Not touching that.  No! I don’t mean I am not touching dong… actually forget it.

In the weightlifting category, the Chinese are unbeatable.  Lulu Zhou set a record with her snatch.  Did that come out wrong? Snatch is the term used for weightlifting so I said it right, right? Anyways, Lulu cleans and jerks like a boss.  For some strange reason, that just sounded so wrong right there.  No puns intended if any were found.  After all, it’s only a name.