Friday Folly: 40-Something-Year-Old Man Seeks Very Young Girl

thYes I do! I want a young girl! Aha! I heard that! You said ‘eeew!’ You are disgusted, aren’t you? Well let me explain myself before I start losing followers faster than Obama loses supporters.

In my house live 6 males.  Yes, 6 including this blogger.  My poor wife! Male testosterone lurking around every corner, every inch of the house. Oh how she wishes she had a little girl to help her negate some of it.  I do too.  For her sake.  Then why not try for one?  You asked.  Well it’s not that easy.  After the third and unsuccessful try produced a boy, I made sure that a medical procedure took care of any ‘slip ups’.

When my wife sees a little girl she always comment.  “That could have been ours.” I understand how she feels and although at first I wanted to have a girl in the mix, I am quite happy that it was not meant to be.  I am not sure I would be able to handle teen-girl drama.  Oh and dating.  And dressing.  So really and truly, I don’t really seek a young girl.  Just pretending for the wife’s sake.

I mean, Miley Cyrus was probably someone’s cute and innocent little girl once…

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Husband has no drive to vote so wife runs him over

This way to vote

A woman was driven…No sorry, I take that back.  A car was driven…Wrong again.  A man was driven?  I have no clue how to introduce this blog about a woman who became so distraught over Barack Obama’s re-election that she immediately went looking for non-voters who she thought were responsible for the election results by their failure to cast a vote.  She didn’t have to look too far as her own husband was guilty of not showing up at the polls.

It started out as a verbal assault in a parking lot.  As the poor husband cowered behind a shrub, or was it a lamp-post?  Holly his wife, screamed  at him. “You asshole!  Because of you, that, that, that damn guy is President again!  You low down piece of shit!  My mom was right! I should not have married you!  You were too lazy to go out and vote for err…what’s his name there! The mittens guy, Romney!”

Danny, the poor husband ventured, “But honey, I love you.  It was raining that day and Hurricane Sandy was on my mind and and and…” “Shut up!   You non-participatory baboon!”  Holly yelled back.  “Get out from behind that lamp-post!”  The husband complied willingly and that’s when Holly drove straight at him.  He tried to race the car across the parking lot but fell.  As he got up, he was hit like a deer and pinned beneath the car.  Holly calmly got out, straightened her dress, grabbed her purse and walked away, leaving Daniel bleeding and critically wounded. The police later caught up to her and she was arrested and charge for something or the other.  As for Daniel, he will be ok.

If this sounded a bit far-fetched, don’t blame me. It’s outrageous and unbelievable but it did happen.  Read it here.

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Unscrambling the US elections

Flag of the United States of America

Flag of the United States of America (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Finally! The race for the job as top dog of the United States of America is finally over.  You can all vacate the premises please.  Nothing to see here.  Everything is just as it was a day ago.  Except that I, as an ignoramus when it comes to politics, am overwhelmed with questions about the electoral process.

 

First, why are retirees even allowed to run for the most stressful job in the world?  Year after year, I see men in their late sixties trying to be president. It’s not exactly a Walmart Greeter.  In 2008, the race pitted a 47-year-old Obama against a 70-something year old McCain  To me, that’s outrageous.  (I wonder if he even stayed up to watch the results). It would have been disgraceful if the old guy had beaten the young man.  Hare and tortoise proportion.

 

Enough on the age issue.  I also don’t get the confusing process of electing a President to office.  I was of the opinion that voters go out, place their votes, votes get counted and the majority wins.  What the heck are electoral votes? College votes? (Or is it electoral college?) Popular Votes? etc. etc.?  Can someone explain to me how I could win the majority of the votes but lose the election based on the senate or the popular or the college or the whatever votes?  Should I ask Al Gore?   Do you think he would know? Call me dumb, I don’t care.  I have been called worst. Ok, not really.  I have been called smart before though.  There was this one time when…oh nevermind. Got distracted a bit there.

 

Let’s end this on a good note. Congrats to Obama for getting another kick at the can.  Another go at it.  Another term in office.  (Is it called The Black House now? Or would that be politically incorrect?)  What I don’t get is the frenzy and the tizzy that everyone is in this morning.  Yes, Obama won but in my opinion, it would not have been any different if the other guy had won instead.  We would have barely noticed.  Maybe that’s why I don’t do politics. I can’t tell the difference between a Republican and a Democrat.  I can differentiate between a surplus and a deficit though.

 

I read somewhere that the breakdown was basically the blacks and Hispanics supported the black guy and the older white guys voted for a white president.  That’s right folks.  That’s exactly how you do it, pick your president based on your color preference.  Hate to rain on your parade here but remember, GWB (That’s not short for Grumpy White Bitch) was also re-elected to a second term…just saying.

 

Gotta run, talk later.  Go Obama!!!

 

No Easy Day

Osama bin Laden dead

Osama bin Laden dead (Photo credit: http://www.snoopnews.com)

I saw Bin Laden yesterday, yes THE  Bin Laden as in Osama Bin Laden.  No, wait a minute, I didn’t.  He’s dead.  Shot execution style as he reached for one of his many guns when the US Navy Seals went calling on him.  He didn’t?  He didn’t do what? He didn’t reach for a gun?  Ohhh, yeah that’s right he didn’t.  A former Navy Seal who was part of the operation, just released a book that according to him, set the records straight as to what really happened on that raid.  Osama was murdered.

(Excuse me but this is funny.  I am writing this blog at work and right at this minute, a supplier pulled up to my office and as coincidence would have it, he was a Muslim in full regalia.  I see an East Indian at my work like twice a year so you could see how coincidental that was, but anyways…).

So how could I have seen Osama yesterday since he was long dead? Well, if the Seals could find him, why can’t I?  If they could also find Saddam in a rabbit hole why can’t I see OBL?  I know it’s him.  I don’t believe he’s dead for one minute.  Yeah right, every couple days, it’s on the news that they  killed an Al Qaeda leader.  So how many leaders does Al Qaeda have or who’s telling the truth?  I am.  I saw Osama.  Not Obama, Osama.   Know who else I saw? Jimmy Buffett.  Sorry, I meant Jimmy Hoffa.