Am I Not Sexy Enough For Your Splash Park?

IMG_5755_blogToday I took my kids to the splash park in the neighborhood as a treat for good behavior.  It was packed!  No, not just busy, packed!  The first thing I noticed was how I was overdressed for the venue.  Mothers in two-piece bikinis on the plus side of skimpy, chased their little ones around as if they were at the beach. I was confused.  I was excited.  Then I was sober. Wasn’t this supposed to be a splash park where kids play at the mini fountains while their parents sit in the shade and watch with hawk eyes?  Granted, there was a wading pool but it was hardly an excuse to don a full-out bathing attire.  It wasn’t deep enough to cover my toenail.  Plus, the bikini-clad ones never even got their ankles wet.  Oh wait a minute! Maybe they were there to catch a tan.  Yes! That’s it!  They were dressed to tan.  Who cares if the sun was barely out.

As I stewed in consternation and compared butts, I pondered going back home to get my swim trunks.  Just then a mother in her late 30’s or so strolled past me wearing heels.  Yep, heels with straps.  Looked really nice on her feet but for some reason, again seemed out-of-place.  I glanced up and she was dressed as though she should have stayed outside the fence monitoring her kids from afar rather than up close, risking a wet down.  And yes, she could have been at work when she suddenly got hit by an idea.  Why don’t you get up from your desk and go take your kids to the splash park?  That would explain the high heels.  But what about the shorts?  Ok, I never said I have all the answers.  I looked at my own feet in thongs. (not that kind).  Come on man, at least wear your Nikes!

Maybe it’s a sign that I’m getting old, (my birthday was just last week) Thinking conservative and all.  I need to loosen up a bit, both mentally and in attire.  Nothing wrong with mingling with kids while wearing bathing suits, right?  Of course not. It’s not at all like bringing beer to a child’s birthday party.  No, nothing at all like that.

 

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Check Out The Hottie In The Window!

A pair of mannequins

A pair of mannequins (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Maybe I am wrong but in an old post, I think it was the one about yoga pants, here. I mentioned casually that even mannequins look hot in them. Well if they look hot in lululemon, imagine them in bikini.  Sorry Mumbaians, imagine is all you can do.  Your days of lusting after bikini-wearing-mannequins are over.

Thanks to a steep rise in rape crimes, Mumbai is clamping down on bikinis on mannequins. Peering through a store window, trying to catch a glimpse of the scantily clad fiberglassed hottie could soon be a thing of the past.  It’s a shame as I have made a few bikini purchases for the loves of my life, based on those same mannequins. I hope that they at least provide real-life models…maybe discreetly? Excuse me ma’am, could you put this on so I know what my wife would like with it?  No, not you, your butt’s too big, my wife has a small butt.  Come with you? Ok.  Your place or mine?

Damn rapists!  They spoil everything!  I wonder if the government ever heard of castration?  I hear that could be very effective…Just saying.

That was actually cleanish, wasn’t it?  Maybe even FP worthy?  Mumbaians is not a word? So? Mannequins in lingerie are not humans either.

See that? No sexual innuendos as promised.