Basic Blogging Tips For Newbies

Blog Machine

Blog Machine (Photo credit: digitalrob70)

So you want to blog eh? Hmm…ok, what is your main goal? Do you want lots of likes and followers or you don’t give a damn? Maybe you just like to get your thoughts and ideas out there. Well you came to the right place, I’m a gonna break it all down for ya’ll…

First, decide what the hell you want to do before you get into this blogging thing.  Don’t write a few posts only to realize it’s not your thing or you have no time to blog, not even once a month.  The web is already over littered with half-finished blogs like my kids’ plates after dinner, don’t add yours to the list.  Ok, glad we had this conversation. Phew!

If you decide that you want to use your blog just to air your thoughts, then listen up.  When I started blogging, I had no intentions of sharing them with anyone.  At least not anyone I know. I was able to blog more freely not knowing or caring who my readers were. If I wanted to blog about gays, I didn’t have to worry that I would hurt my gay friends. I could air my honest opinion on topics without feeling bad that someone I know could take it personal. Then I added people I know.  And that’s when my blogging change. I started over thinking.

So it’s up to you.  Now about schedule.  The blogging experts will tell you that you should set up a schedule and stick to it.  Be it once a week, month, whatever.  I would say no way to that.  Sticking to a regular schedule sometimes forces you to write weak blogs for the sake of writing.  Trust me, if someone likes your blogs, they don’t care if you write once a week or once a month.  Tell the experts I said that.

There’s more but I really don’t have time to get into detail. One last thing though, don’t write too much.  As they say, “shit or get off the pot.”  Meaning, don’t run on and on and on.  It’s not going to make one bit of difference. Well it might get people to seek shorter blogs somewhere else.  I have seen a blog where the blogger had the one word ‘Aaaahhhh’ or something like that and guess what?  People actually liked it!  Quite of few people!  So just write the darn thing and don’t be a pussy!

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The Mysterious Woman At The Freshly Pressed Coffee House and Restaurant

IMG00074-20100801-1906Everyone at The Freshly Pressed Coffee House and Restaurant turned to look.  Some stared without apology.  I didn’t.  I couldn’t.  I looked up casually and went back to my work.  I was perched on a weathered looking chair at a crooked and unpainted table in a corner of the coffee shop area.  From my vantage point, I could see who was entering or leaving and that’s how I saw her enter.  I was on a mission and couldn’t be derailed by the sight of a woman.  I was intent on writing THAT blog.  The big one.  The one that would get my name up there with the pros. This woman would not rob me of this opportunity!

The Freshly Pressed Coffee Shop and Restaurant is far from being an upscale restaurant.  The decor is limited and consists of wooden tables covered by white and cheap looking tablecloths.  The chairs are not comfortable.  Hardwood floors looked ready for a makeover. In fact, the entire restaurant screamed for a makeover.  With its dimly lit interior, you really needed the coffee to keep you awake, unless you kept awake by blogging about something interesting.  The lingering aroma of every different blend of coffee hangs in the air mixed with whatever food was hot out of the kitchen.  Despite what it didn’t have going for it, it was invitingly warm and cozy and the atmosphere was very welcoming.  It had a homely feel to it and that’s why I chose to blog here.  It was my Eden.  My little niche was situated in the farthest and darkest corner.  From my vantage point, I could the comings and goings but usually don’t.

From the corner of my eye I saw the woman make a bee line for the table right next to mine.  I smelled her perfume before she was close enough to fully drink her in.  Liz Taylor perfume? No, too young. She was only about 30 was my guess and a stunner!  A definite head turner.  Now it was my turn to stare at the thing of beauty.  Kate Hudson and Jessica Alba all rolled into one.  Her long blonde hair flowed orderly down the nape of her neck which had a red silk scarf hanging loosely around it.  She wore a low-necked black blouse complemented by a hip-hugging and contour-revealing black skirt that flirted with the top of her knees.  Black leather boots came up her long legs.  Her face was angelic.  Brushed with a light touch of makeup and a hint of lipstick on her pouty lips.  I also noticed that she wore no wedding band.  In fact, her long and well manicured fingers were bare.  Not that it would have made a difference to me.  She was out of my league.  Plus I was a married blogger.  In love with this mysterious but beautiful woman whose peach-like lips opened up partly to reveal her magnificent pearly whites in a smile.  She smiled at me!

Now where was I?

The Lowdown On How To Be Freshly Pressed

Justin Bieber, Snoop Dog or even Porn are not going to get me featured on WordPress bloggers’ pedestal, Freshly Pressed.  I know this because I have read the blogs that got pressed.  I have my personal version of FP and it’s called,  ‘Recent Posts’, find it on my site.  But if you, like other fanatic bloggers out there, are seeking fame and fortune, read on for the lowdown on how to have your fifteen seconds of fame.

Do you have great photos? Scratch that, do you have some black and white pics of whatever?  The Twin Towers, a beach, somewhere?  Post it in a blog.  Doesn’t matter the content, the pictures will tell the story.  Photos of food, clothing, statues, animals, are also sure to get you noticed.  You don’t believe me? browse FP for yourself.

Recipes are another surefire means of getting some attention.  It doesn’t have to be of anything tasty or even legit.  Heck, make one up off the top of your head.  Be sure to use exotic ingredients and call it something different, like ‘How to make Mazxiikl’.  Oh and add pictures as you go along.  Pictures DO NOT have to match food.  A photo of a big mac will do.

Here’s a good one, travel blogs.  This is almost guaranteed to get you FP’d.   Now I am not saying to get up and leave the confines of your computer chair and book a trip just so  you could be one of the lucky few.  No no.  Google some pics of Greece, Rome, Italy, Zimbabwe, Rhodesia…  getting where I am going with this?  Make sure there is water, lakes, rivers, oceans and then describe each photo with something like this, ‘Took this shot from the window of our guest house.  What a lovely day it was.’  How fricking easy is that? And voila! you are on your way to counting stars.  I am almost jealous already.

Hmmm…before I go, let me see if I miss anything.  Stick men are good and so are books, politics and movies.  Don’t be hesitant, you need not know squat about any of them, most bloggers don’t either but they are on FP aren’t they? So go for it!  (Some people will try to tell you how you should follow this rule and that rule and use perfect english etc but it’s all nonsense.  Just a blog topic for them).

I can’t think of anymore right now but if I do, I will be sure to pass it on.   Good luck on your aspirations to be Freshly Pressed.  Read you later!

Note: Please don’t be too surprised if your blog lacks substance but still garners 300+ likes.