Why Did The Duck Cross The Road?

indexIt was a nice day for driving.  Bob Marley was still blasting through my speakers still telling me ‘Don’t worry about a thing, cause every little thing, is gonna be alright.”  So I wasn’t worried.  Like I said, it was a fine day for driving. Or did I say ‘nice’?

Then I saw it.  A damn duck deciding  to cross right in front of me!  I squealed my tires as I came to a sudden stop. Isn’t that ironic that you could maneuver around pedestrians and even hit a few but when it’s a duck, you have to be extra extra cautious?  The things can back up traffic for blocks.  You don’t want to harm a duck now.  So I mentally killed and cooked it up.  Mmm, duck soup! The duck turned its head to look at me as if to say, “Sit there and take it like a man! Bitch! Lol!”  Yes, it even had the ‘lol’.  I contemplated running it over but the duck must have read my mind.  “Don’t even thing about it!”  The look said it all. “See that guy in the big masculine truck beside you?  You run me over and you answer to him.” I glanced over and sure enough there was a big fella with an obviously soft heart watching the bird cross with love in his eyes.  He felt my stare and glanced my way.  “The duck’s right.  Just chill and let it cross, dude.”  What? You too big fella?  You would take delight in running people over but you sit there and fall in love with a crossing duck?!  Your fore-parents would turn in their graves.

As the duck reached the middle of the road, she (I decided it had to be female) decided to rub it in my face even more.  She lowered her tail and ejected her load.  Yes, she shit right where my tires would travel when I continued my forward movement.  The nerve! Asshole! Duck you!  The look she gave me said “Eat shit!”  Man, this duck was really ruining my nice drive.  Shut up Bob! You aren’t exactly helping right now!  I shut off the stereo, tuning brother Bob out.  Everything wasn’t exactly turning out alright.

It seemed like forever but Miss Thing finally made it across.  As she re-mingled with her kind, she quacked something to them and they all gazed in my direction.  THEN, they started to step off the curb to re-cross the street!  Too bad I wasn’t around to verify this.  Again my tires squealed as I peeled away.  Duck! I yelled in frustration, the christian in me substituting the F for the D.  In my mirror, I could see Mr. Tough Guy still sitting there as if mesmerized.

So why did the duck cross the road?  Because she could, whenever and wherever she wants to.

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Snoop and the ghost of Bob Marley

Snoop Dogg - Hovefestivalen 2012

Snoop Dogg – Hovefestivalen 2012 (Photo credit: NRK P3)

Do I ever have a good one for you guys. Just wait until you hear this.  You all know Snoop Dog, right? Remember Snoop Doggy Dog? The gaunt rapper with the long hair? If not don’t worry, I think there’s another person out there who doesn’t either, so don’t feel bad.

Anyways, Snoop Dog recently visited Jamaica and while he was partaking of the Jamaican way of life and enjoying some ganja or chronic or collie or whatever they call it these days, he started hallucinating.  Yep, I kid you not. He started having weird hallucinations.   Trust me, I heard it straight from the horse’s mouth.

In Snoop’s vision, he saw the late great Bob Marley and please tell me you have heard of Brother Bob, please.  Bob had a long chat with Snoop and apparently even sang one his popular songs, ‘Zion Lion’ to the Dog.  After he came to his senses, Snoop felt as though Marley was sending him some sort of message in his vision so he went in seek of the local Rastafarian priest.  Or was it a priestess? He asked the priestess if she would like to star in some DVD reality show he was producing.  Wait! I got my facts confused.  It was indeed a priest that he went to see, not a priestess.  He told his story to the priest and was told that he had to convert to Rastafarianism.  This involved a name change and the release of a Reggae CD.  He had to vow to smoke marijuana daily for meditational purposes.  He reluctantly agreed to this after some arm twisting.

Marley performing at Dalymount Park

Marley performing at Dalymount Park (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So our hero changed his name to, yeah you guessed it, Snoop Lion! Snoop Lion.  Sure has a cute ring to it, doesn’t it?  No it doesn’t.  As if Snoop Dog wasn’t bad enough…it sounds dumb.  But anyways, our Dog was transformed into a Lion all because of a vision he had of Bob Marley.  Trust me on this one.

Yeah mon, de Lion irie!

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