My World Cup Soccer Crush

I have a confession.  I am a soccer fan and I am following The World Cup but it’s held in Brazil. I know, I confuse you there.  You are going, “Yeah, we know it’s in Brazil, so what?” I love Brazilians. There, I said it.  Let me explain before I totally lose you.

In case you are ignorant to such things, Brazil to me, has some of the hottest women in the world. (Must be the weather). And they love soccer. And when they love to wear cut-off jeans.  You know the ones with the pockets hanging lower than the cut-off? Yeah. So as I watched the beautiful and artistic game of soccer, I can’t help but also enjoy seeing the Brazilian gals draped patriotically in their country’s flag, smiling back at me from my big screen tv.  It’s distracting, it’s heavenly, it’s soccer! Viva Brazil!

So I think I now watch the World Cup with ulterior motives.  Throw me a bone here, you probably do the same too. At least I actually do like the game, do you? It’s not my fault I have good taste in women and I like beautiful things. My wife can attest to that, she’s prime example. Shit! Gotta go, there’s a game on!

Note: The other South American Countries are well represented as well and are holding their own quite nicely.

Arriba!

Arriba!

 

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Brazilian woman auctions off virginity to Japanese cherry picker

Slave Auction painting

Virgin Auction

Can I get 780,000? Did I hear 780,000? 780! 780! Yes! 780 going once…780 going twice! Sold to the old pervert in the back for 780,000!  Congrats sir! Go easy on her, it’s her first time.

I was just imagining what it must have sounded like at the auction where a 20-year-old Brazilian lass, Catarina, auctioned off her virginity.  She also said that 90 percent of the money made would be donated to charity. The lucky fella was, yes, a Japanese man by the name of Natsu.  Japanese eh? hmmm…

Natsu, I am thinking, is planning to take Catarina to get a Brazilian wax as the first order of the day.  I would just for fun, then he’s going to take her to the Cuddle Cafe. See my blog here.  I figure she might look good in a Sailor Moon costume but seeing that she claims to be a phys ed student, maybe wearing her school uniform might be a good choice too.

For those of you who are thinking this might be a good idea to make some quick cash, you could go to the website Virgins Wanted to submit some sexy pics of yourself.  If you are the shy type and need a little ego boosting first, send the pics to me and I, meaning my wife and I, will go over them and tell you how much you are worth on the meat market. Sounds good? Then what are you waiting for? Going once…

Don’t be late for your own funeral

Mi Funeral 2

Ever wondered what it would be like to be at your own funeral?  I have.  I wondered if all my friends would show up and who would cry.  Would my family break down?  What would they say about me? How awesome I was? Well for one lucky Brazilian, he got his questions answered.  He was present at his own funeral.  No, not in a coffin in a coma.  He was literally looking down on his dead body.  Ok, let me straighten things out here.

A car wash attendant in Sao Paulo, Brazil was shot to death and his body taken to the morgue.  For some strange reason, the body was thought to be of a different attendant and the brother was brought down to identify him.  He claimed it was indeed his brother who was lying dead and funeral arrangements were made by the family.

At the wake, the very much alive dead guy walked in to announce that he was alive and kicking.  Well some people ran, some fainted and one guy pulled out a gun and shot the now dead-but-was-alive guy, killing him instantly.  (Okay, I added that last bit for emphasis. Sue me).

After the minor interruption, everyone all laughed ‘kkkkk’ and sat down to a nice meal of whatever Brazilians eat at funerals.  While they were enjoying the meal that was for the once-thought-dead-but-now-alive man, the real dead man rose up in his coffin and declared, ‘What the hell is going on here?”  To which someone reply, “We are enjoying a meal here, lie down and shut up!”  “Not over my dead body!” The real dead man retorted.  (Yes, that was added on for emphasis too.  Double sue me).

In the end, a brawl broke out when the (I am tired of saying this) alive-but-thought-dead guy  realized the real-dead guy was wearing his clothes.  He ripped them off immediately and the father, realizing he had spent hard-earned money on a coffin for his once-thought-dead son, dumped the real dead guy out so he could return it for a refund.  So here is a naked dead guy on the floor while the family drink skol.

I’m having a hard time differentiating truth from fiction here and getting carried away with this so go read it for yourself here.