Gotcha, Robby Boy! Now pull out the crack pipe and start smoking
Okay, I can’t stand around and watch or read about people making easy money selling photos of Toronto’s Mayor Rob Ford doing drugs when I know I could be making easy money doing it too. It’s so easy, it’s like taking candy from a kid. So I am in!
I am packing my camera with telephoto lens and all and heading to Toronto to make me some cash. All I need to do is ask Mr. Ford to come to my place and give him some crack cocaine or marijuana then film him as he indulges. Easy as pie.
The man doesn’t know how to be secretive. He doesn’t get it. But I do, and I will exploit it. Just like his double-dealing drug dealer did when he sold 3 photos of Rob using his product for $10, 000. See? If a dumb dealer could do it a smartish blogger could too. That’s me by the way.
Wish me luck guys! Big Smoke, here I come! Say cheese, Robby boy. Ah never mind, just keep smoking. Looking good buddy!
Didn’t get your high today? No ganja? No problem mon. Canada is looking out for its people. Due to lack of proper care in the cultivation and production of the marijuana, as seen by inspectors, Canada is doing a recall on a batch of weed. Apparently the inspector failed to get a buzz during testing.
The government is suggesting that instead of waiting, people on medicinal marijuana should seek alternative pushers and save their receipts. Anyone failing to get high after a few hits are asked to note their suppliers’/pushers’ name and address and provide to the cops so they could get their batch tested and or exchanged.
It sucks, or should I say bite? when you think you have committed the perfect crime only to see the cops show up at your door 7 years later with an arrest warrant. Worst yet, is that they finally managed to track you down because of those damn false teeth you accidentally left behind. Seriously? My false teeth? How?
It happened in Winnipeg, Manitoba Canada. A woman robbed a convenience store at knifepoint, making off with some goodies. I am thinking hard candies as they apparently got stuck to her false teeth resulting in her leaving the teeth behind. Her dumb move and some DNA came back to bit her in the you-know-where and helped the cops to put a bite on crime.
A teenager flying from Edmonton to party in Mexico, decided to take along his homemade pipe bomb to either trade for drugs or protect himself from the drug cartel that terrorize Mexico. As he walked through airport security, he was fortunate to be in the line of the Canada’s Dumbest Guard.
Skylar Murphy’s bag was searched and revealed that he was carrying the bomb. The guard took it out, looked at it then tried to hand it back to the teen. I REPEAT, HE TRIED TO HAND THE PIPE BOMB BACK TO THE TEEN. Yep, you heard me. The teen who was by now either disgusted that his pipe was touched by another man’s hand or bored of the process or had a change of heart about taking a pipe bomb to Mexico, refused to take the bomb back. “Nah, I’m cool. It’s yours now buddy.”
The guard in an obvious state of excitement did nothing. Well nothing to deter the flight of the intruder. Sorry, got carried away there. I meant he did nothing to hinder the teen who normally should have been pounced upon and beaten into submission by three or four burly Canadians while being pepper sprayed for good measure. Air traffic safety violations are not to be taken lightly, right? Or is that the past? When guys like Obama, oops, I meant Osama, threatened our safety?
Videos later showed what transpired and a meeting was called to save face. When Skylar returned from his trip to Mexico, sans pipe bomb, he was greeted by a welcoming party of officers, swat team and bomb sniffing dogs. Man these people sure know how to make up for their gaffe…Skylar was later charged a fine of $100. Apparently, the minimum fine for something like this is usually in the tens of thousands plus jail time but the it’s Canada and even the justice system is nice. Come on, it’s Canada eh.
In case you were not caught up on the latest news, Canada has decided to cut all ties with Iran. That in itself is no biggie, well it kinda is because Canada really does not cut ties with anyone, we are too nice for that. The big news was the suggestion that we may have cut ties in preparation for an attack on Iran. Lmao!
I couldn’t contain myself when I read that. Canada and attack used in the same sentence? That’s enough to bring the house down at your local comedy club. It conjures up image of the wimpy kid trying to pretend he’s tough.
Here’s the scenario as it might play out:
Canada: Hello there! It’s us, Canada. We are here to attack you
Iran: What? How dare you come here speaking to us like that? Do you know who we are?
Canada: We are sorry to disturb you but you see we have come to bomb you for err…making a bomb.
Iran: Who the heck sent your ass here?
Canada: The USA. I meant we came on our own. Canada makes its own decisions.
Iran: Hahahaha….Get your wimpy, one-damaged-sub navy, one-plane air force, 2000-men army, ass out of here before we annihilate you.
Canada: *voice shaking* Guys, drop the bomb! *KABOOM!*
Iran: Aaarrgh! I am hurt! I am hurt!
Canada: OMG! Sorry! Sorry! Where are you hurt? We…we…we never meant to really hurt you. OMG OMG! What have we done! MEDICS!!
Canada: Come on guys! Let’s go back to being just mere peace keepers.