Bruce Jenner Gender

News has it that Bruce Jenner has had a sex change. Say what? Oh wait a minute! Who is Bruce Jenner??

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Honey, I Saw Our Daughter’s Ass

Too often, I read of stories where parents, granted, most of them celebrities, which doesn’t make them real parents, have watched their children perform in nude scenes without being bothered.  Some moms have sat in the audience while their sons used their penis like putty to make silly shapes. Not bothered one bit.  Some men have also showed up at the daughters’ strip joints and enjoyed a show with their buddies.

Take this story for example, NBC Nightly News broadcaster Brian Williams, watched his daughter Allison in a raunchy sex scene recently. He attended a premiere of the new season of Girls. The scene called for Allison’s lover to get close and personal with her naked ass.  “Get your face in there!” Yelled the director. “Not you sir”, he added as Brian got up out of seat.

I don’t know about you but watching my daughter have sex is not something I have on my bucket list. In fact, the mere thought disgusts me. Isn’t that a torture tactic where terrorists force you to watch them have sex with your family? Why would anyone, especially a dad, willingly watch this? Well unless he has some kinda…nevermind.

Next time you talk to Brian, say to him, “Hey, nice ass on your daughter! I would like to tap that”.  You never know, he might ask if he could watch.

Position Wanted: Celebrity Accountant

My Accountant

My Accountant (Photo credit: billypalooza)

So I am thinking of becoming an accountant.  I hate math. I hate anything to do with numbers. Then why would I want to be an accountant then?  Well to tell you the truth, it’s not just a plain old accountant. I am talking about working for dumb rich people who have so much money that they can’t keep track of it.

Take Rihanna for example, she recently claimed that due to her accountant’s screw up, she actually went bankrupt.  Then Brian McKnight, you know him right? Yes, the singer.  He too is blaming his accountant.  Apparently the accountant was not paying his taxes.  They are but two of the scores of celebs who said that their accountants misappropriated funds.

I can misappropriate funds with the best of them.  I can miss a few tax payments too. I know, I have done it. Just kidding, I haven’t.  But seriously, if I could do whatever I want with these twits’ money while they are too busy doing whatever rich people do, then why not apply? I mean I can make sure that they always have enough to keep their drug supply going.

Yes sir, that’s the job for me.  It’s literally a gold mine out there just waiting to be exploited. It’s taking advantage of the vulnerable but so what? They take advantage of the vulnerable too, don’t they? Lip syncing, giving us lame songs and we buy it. We go to their concerts. It’s pay back baby!  Say hi to your new accountant…

Now where do I apply?

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Quick! Hide The Eggs! The Popos Are Here!

thThis morning, teen heartthrob-turned-juvenile-deliquent Justin Bieber’s house was raided by police.  Bieber apparently was a suspect in the egging of his neighbour’s house.  Unconfirmed reports said that the police used a battering ram to gain entry into the singer’s house. (Hey! He has his own house?? Isn’t he too young to be left unattended?). A battering ram? For egging?  The story said that the cops were in search of evidence that could implicate Justin Bieber, namely eggs.

LMAO!! Eggs? The cops are raiding this kid’s house looking for eggs because he was suspected of egging a house? Can’t you just imagine the cops’ conversation…

Cop #1:  Hey! I found it! A carton of eggs sitting right here on the the top shelf on his stainless steel fridge! He is guilty as sin! Should I dust em for prints?

Cop #2:  Damning evidence indeed! Good work buddy. Let’s take the kid down and book him!  No need to dust.

Talking about dust, while the policemen were in the act of searching for WMDs, they also found cocaine.  Knowing that there was no way it could belong to the superstar brat, they pinned it on his poor little bff, aptly called Lil Za.  Poor Za, taking the rap for the Biebs.

Justin:  I swear officer, that’s not mine. *sniff sniff*

Cop #1:  Then it must belong to that punk sitting in the love seat.  Book him.

But I’m still laughing and shaking my head at this one…Raiding a house for evidence of an egging…I’ve heard it all now.  Good thing Justin didn’t place a burning bag of feces on his neighbour’s steps.

Related:

Justin Bieber’s Home Raided (the star.com)

Friday’s Folly: Chris Brown Hanging Up His Gloves. Music Gloves That Is

Say Goodbye (Chris Brown song) cover from Chri...

Say Goodbye (Chris Brown song) cover from Chris Brown (album), by Chris Brown (singer), from the film and soundtrack Step Up (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In some shocking breaking news, Chris Brown has announced, well tweeted, that his next album could very well be his last.  His reason for such a drastic move is that he feels he is no longer known for his talent but more for the beat down he put on Rihanna.  Chris is also known for singing…er…um…songs. He says that when he’s out and about all he hears is “Hey, isn’t that the guy who roughed up Rihanna?” Then everyone wants to buy him drinks and he ends up driving home drunk and/or getting into trouble.

This all came to a head last week when Chris was taken into custody for a hit-and-run case.  When he got to the jailhouse, the chief of police recognized who he was immediately.  “Say, you are that damn kid who bitch slapped that crazy bitch who dissed you to the world then took you back, right?  What’s her name again? Oh yeah, Breanna!”  The chief slapped his knees, pounded fists with CB then looked at the arresting officers.  “What the hell are you doing standing there? Let this nig** go!”  The poor officers stuttered, “But sir, it was a domestic violence case and the chick was Rihanna.” The chief would hear none of it.  “Domestic violence my ass! That chick whatchamacallher needs to be domesticated first. Now get this guy out of here so he can rejoin his football team.”  “Sir, he’s not a football player, he’s a singer.  Ah, never mind. Yes sir!”

So with that kind of fame, poor Chris is choosing no fame at all and riding off into the sunset.  Some are predicting that Riri would follow him.  We would so miss them.

Stay tuned for his next tweet.

I Flew With North West!

Northwest Airlines Airbus A330-223

Northwest Airlines Airbus A330-223 (Photo credit: dirkjankraan.com)

Kanye and Kim have named their baby.  I know, it’s old news and you have probably heard all the jokes already.  I don’t care bout that.  All I care about right now is the fact that two seemingly half-intelligent folks done went and named their poor kid after an airline.

I may be speaking or should I say blogging out of turn here.  Maybe the parents were mile high clubbers whose airline of choice was North West.  In which case, the name is apt.  Who cares what the baby would have preferred?  She could always change the name later.  North West it is.  Luckily, they fell asleep before they could come up with a middle name.  There is a God!

Now aren’t you glad that Kanye’s last name isn’t Pole? or Face? See? So it’s really not as bad as it seems.   Maybe it is also a good thing that North West airlines is not around anymore?  Could you imagine the Air hostess announcing, “Thank you for flying with North West” and someone thinking, “What?? Kanye’s daughter was on the plane??”  (I know, they would have to be really dumb, say maybe like Kanye and Kim). That’s where it could be a bit confusing.  How confusing would it be also to read headlines such as, “North West Is Going Down!”  or “Cash Strapped North West Goes Belly Up!”.  I personally like, “North West’s Assets Take A Dive!” or “Police Arrest Man For Masturbating While On North West.”  Yep, really good thing that they are not around anymore.

Ok.  Those headlines made me realize that it was a very dumb idea after all…Sorry baby North but your selfish parents did you wrong. I hope when you get old enough, you would go west young lady.  Far far west.  Oh, and lose the name.  If your parents were smart, they would have named you Delta, knowing that North West is no more.

Here’s to a bright future for North West. Nothing but bright skies…

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