Friday’s Folly: What She Meant To Say

Backstage at The Heart Truth's Red Dress Colle...

Backstage at The Heart Truth’s Red Dress Collection Fashion Show during New York Fashion Week. February 13, 2009 at Bryant Park. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This week, the Amanda Bynes circus took its act to Twitter.  No big surprise there.  Chrissy Teigen who knows a bit about childhood stardom, tweeted that Amanda’s fans should not support her scary behaviour.  In her words, “The fact that Amanda Bynes has any ‘support’ to retweet is really unsettling. Support people with mental illness, yes. But don’t condone/enable scary and poor behavior.”

Amanda was furious and responded by letting Chrissy know that she was not that pleasing to the eyes.  “Chrissy Teigen, you’re not a pretty model compared to me. I signed to Ford models at age 13. I don’t look up to you beauty wise. I’m far prettier than you!” she argued. “I’m offended that you’re saying I have a mental illness when I show no sign of it, but thankfully not one man that wants me wants you and you are an old ugly model compared to me! You look 45! You’re not pretty so I’m not intimidated by you! I think you’re jealous that you’re just an ugly model who’s career is uninspiring! I don’t respect you! You’re no beauty queen! I’m a beauty queen!”

Miss Bynes countered that she did not have a mental illness and shows no signs of such.  I am still not sure what part of Chrissy’s tweet diagnosed her as having a mental illness.  Anyways, as I fancy myself an interpreter for celebrities, think dog whisperer, I took the liberty to translate what   Amanda Bynes really meant by her tweeted retort to Chrissy.

In short, when she said she did not have a mental illness, in her head she was actually saying, Chrissy girl, I’m weird as fu@k! I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I need help big time before I self-destruct!  My fans think it’s cool that I act like this but it’s not an act, Chrissy.  I am screwed.   Oh and by the way, you are one hot bitch!  I try wearing some wigs to look cool but they only made me look like a witch, not a beauty queen.  Look at the pics I have been posting all over the internet.  Do I look like any beauty queen to you?  I am a shadow of the girl that was signed to Ford models at age 13 but thankfully Chrissy, not one man that wants you would even look twice at me.  I make Lindsay Lohan look like a saint.  I am a piece of work, aren’t I? Trust me honey, I exhibit lots of signs of mental illness.  My fans are just too blind to see that.  Anyways, thanks for bringing it to everyone’s attention.  I hope that I get the help I desperately need before it’s too late.

And believe it or not, that’s exactly what she meant to say.

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Friday’s Folly: You Saw Amanda’s Boobs? So What?

Backstage at The Heart Truth's Red Dress Colle...

Backstage at The Heart Truth’s Red Dress Collection Fashion Show during New York Fashion Week. February 13, 2009 at Bryant Park. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I liked Amanda Bynes as an actress.  I thought she was cute with a little bit of the ‘girl next door’ in her.  Such an innocent little darling.  A lot of guys secretly hoped to see ‘more of her’.  Men are like that.  They see a pretty face and they want to see ‘more’.

Well wait no more.  Amanda has been tweeting topless and almost bottomless pictures of herself.  The only problem is, they are cringe worthy.  Not dissing her body or admitting that I too have pored over them either but  the manner in which they were presented would completely kill any boyish excitement one may have had.  Kill the mood sort of.  Here is a woman, yes, she’s no longer a little girl, she’s almost 30! obviously lost in a state of mental confusion, self-induced or otherwise, exposing herself to the world.  To me, that’s like seeing a mentally deranged woman naked.  Yes, I know that might still be a turn-on for some   but there’s a name for those ‘some’.

Seeing uncovered parts of sexy celebrities such as Britney and Rihanna was maybe a dream for a lot of us guys until their nude photos were splashed all over the internet, quelling the mood like a cold shower as it became apparent that we were looking at the photos of sick and messed up people.  To be caught looking at them for gratification now seemed like a sick practice.  Something like taken advantage of the disabled.  Which it is in some way, right?

It’s good to see that Britney seems to have gotten over whatever she was going through.  Maybe Rihanna, Amanda, Lindsay and other celebrities hogging the news for the wrong reasons could get over their demons also and one day we could at least enjoy seeing them sans bras without feeling guilty or sick.

Blogger’s note:  Posting racy pics of yourself online is an advertisement for attention, even though I can’t imagine with millions of followers and fans, how much more attention do these attention-hogs need?

Friday Folly: Who Are You Calling A Ni**er b**ch? Bitch!

 

Rihanna nude pictures, El Destape de Rihanna

Rihanna nude pictures, El Destape de Rihanna (Photo credit: Remolacha.net pics)

Rihanna rocks!  Sexy body, so-so voice, lots of money. At least enough to drop $8000 at a strip joint.  She has everything going for her you would agree.

 

A magazine in Dutchland described Her Royal Highness as a Nigger Bitch and she got royally upset.  She tweeted, “Who u calling Nigger Bitch?Bitch!  U ain’t even know english!  What u wrote is an abasement and insult me and the other little niggers out there! No peace out for you! Wigger ho bitch!  Oh and here are three words for u and your peeps on behalf of the black race you dissed, ‘F**k u!”  Oh Rihanna…

 

RiRi also said some stuff about evolution, race, future leaders and degrading.  I am not sure why she ended up talking about herself.  Then she later posted a photo of her with a toddler, calling him her ‘Lil’ Nigger’.  When asked how come she could use such derogatory terms but takes offense when someone else does, Rihanna mumbled something about being black, flashed her boobs, kissed her gal pal, slapped Chris Brown, exhaled her marijuana smoke, flashed her crotch and give the reporter the finger.  Such a classy woman!  Anything less would be an abasement to humans.

Oh, she also wanted to let her fans know that she’s not pregnant.  Just a bit bloated, bitch!

 

Read it for yourself:

 

Rihanna does not appreciate the N.B comment
Ni**er Bi**h Irks RiRi
Rihanna calls toddler her little nig**r

 

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Pregnant and Fat Kim Mad At Katie!

Don't be bloggin shit bout me!

Don’t be bloggin shit bout me!

Well my blogging pal Katie, from sassandbalderdash.com, done went and done it!  Yes I know, I said ‘done went and done it’.  She did.  Katydid!  What she did? She went and upset poor Kim Kardashian!  Serves you right, Katie!  That’s what you get for blogging that everyone should leave Kim alone! Here.  Kim got wind of it and she’s pissed!  Excuse me, that’s ‘pissed’ with a capital ‘P’.  She put the pee in pissed and we all know that girl is full of pee.  Or is that something else? I dunno.  Didn’t watch her entire amateur video.

Turns out that Ms. Kardashian of porn fame, does not want to be left alone.  No sir/madam.  After reading Katie’s blog, Kim responded with,  “Hell no! I don’t want to be left alone!  If I were left alone, do you think I’d be where I am today?  Do I look like celeb material to you?  Am I bursting with talent?  NOO!  Face it people, I got famous for the wrong reasons.  You leave me alone and there goes my career, if you want to call it that.”  At least her words were pregnant with truth.  She further went on to add that Katie should stay out of her business and not try to help her.  She would have said more but Kanye grabbed the microphone and added, “I just want to take the time to send a shout out to my favorite blogger out there.  Eggman!  What’s up bro?  Yore shit’s da bomb man!  You deserve to be Freshly Pressed!”  Word, Kanye.

Sorry Katie, yes, making fun of anyone’s weight is bad news.  Making fun of a pregnant woman’s weight is horrible.  Fake pregnancy or not.  As the saying goes, “Everyone’s pregnant until proven otherwise.”  Or is that something else? Nevermind, who cares?  It’s only Kim.  She has opened up herself to everything.  Not that way! I meant the way she…oh damn you people and your dirty minds...

Personally, I like Kim.  She’s…errr…Who the hell is Kim??

 

 

Grammy Backlash

thDid you happen to catch the Grammy awards last night?  I did.  It wasn’t a blast or anything special but it also wasn’t a total waste of my time either.  I noticed that the stars took their memo seriously and did not show the underside of their breasts or buttocks.  Jlo flashed some sexy legs, Katy Perry I am sure was smuggling mini soccer balls disguised as breasts and Kelly Rowland of Destiny Child’s fame wore a teasing dress that revealed much but revealed little.  Is that the underside of a boob? No. Yes. No.  Oh heck, who cares? She looked hot, at least in my opinion. But other than those, the usual suspects like Rihanna et al, were modestly dressed.  What’s this world coming to?  See some great pics here.  (No seriously, check it out).

Hmm…Good old Prince showed up, looking very much like…Prince?  Faith Hill and Tim McGraw, my favorite country couple, were there looking very much in love.  I didn’t notice as I wasn’t wearing my tv glasses but I read online that she had braces on. ‘Faith Hill Rocks Braces!’.  Screamed the headlines.  Seriously folks, I don’t care who you are, no one rocks braces.  You either look geeky or you look not bad but rocking them? No. That’s how weird and wacky fashion trends are started.  Rocked braces…gimme a break.  If she went naked would she have ‘rocked the naked look’?  Ok, bad example but you get the point, right?

I heard that Carrie Underwood wore a $31 million necklace.  Too bad I couldn’t tell.  Could you?  It looked like a regular necklace to me.  Wait a minute, I didn’t even notice that she was wearing a necklace.

The performances were not too bad.  Did you happen to catch Carrie Underwood’s jumbotron dress? Kinda neat, kinda cheesy.  Most of the acts were, as they say on American Idol, safe.  Nothing special.  I was excited to hear that there was going to be a Bob Marley tribute song but was put off and disappointed by what I got.  I guess as a big fan of reggae music, I had my expectations set too high.  It’s not like they were going to drop some serious hardcore Bob…

I saw in the news that Taylor Swift may have taken a shot at her ex, Harry Styles, in her opening song, Here.  What else is new with this chick? Her schtick is getting old fast.  So much talent wasted on drama songs.  Come on Taylor, this ain’t high school.  Welcome to the real world of hump and dump.

Oh before I go, I should mention something about the actual award recipients shouldn’t I?  After all that’s what it’s all about.  Once again, I had to keep checking google to see who some of the nominees and winners were.  How could they win when nobody knows who they are? Maybe I need to watch more MTV.  

And what the heck was Adele wearing?  If my granny old couch grew pale legs and showed up at the awards, that’s what it would look like.  Beautiful voice, beautiful gal, gawd awful dress.

You just want to sit on her, don't you?

You just want to sit on her, don’t you?

CBS Says No To Crack At Grammys

42nd Annual Grammy Awards - Pressroom

If you were planning on watching the Grammy awards to catch a glimpse of some skins, you know a nipple slip here, a butt cheek there or if you are lucky, a pale crack, think again.   CBS has issued an advisory to stars to keep their privates private.  The email read:

CBS Program Practices advises that all talent appearing on camera please adhere to Network policy concerning wardrobe.

Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered. Thong type costumes are problematic. Please avoid exposing bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack. Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic.

Now how are these perpetually half naked bimbos stars going to deal with this setback?  Well expect more ‘wardrobe malfunctions’ and ‘accidental’ nipple slips.  Maybe Rihanna, while bending to pick up something, maybe the award, will rip her dress or something.   Who knows, maybe someone would show up wearing the intimacy 2.0.  We’ll see…or we won’t

In the meantime, don’t plan on going ga ga over Ga Ga’s ta tas.

I Need Celebrity Status

Winner of season 3 of American Idol, Fantasia ...

Winner of season 3 of American Idol, Fantasia Barrino. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Yes! I need to be a celebrity.  If only for the perks, and I’m not talking about the money and the fans and stuff like that.  I am talking about the freedom to speak my mind and if it rubs anyone the wrong way, I have an agent on the ready to say I didn’t mean a word of it.

You have to love it.  I could go on Twitter and say anything I want and when people get their noses out of joint, my trusty clean up guy would run interference.  “No no, you got it all wrong.” He would say.  “My guy loves everyone.  He would never say something like that.” Or some lame excuse like that. Don’t worry, when you are a celeb, lame excuses are not only accepted, they are encouraged.  Just say something Mr. Celeb, anything.  Any excuse will do.

Take this latest example.  Fantasia of American Idol fame, took to Instagram and rants, “I Rise ABOVE IT ALL!!! THE WORLD IS GONE MAD. KIDS, THE GOVERNMENT THE church House… Everybody Trying!!!!!!!” writes the 28-year-old singer on Instagram (via goodasyou.org). “Its a lot that going on that the Bible speaks about we should Not be doing. Weed legal in some places, Gay Marriage Legal BUT YET IM JUDGED!!! I’m not doing Nothing for you… My Life!!!!”   Now I don’t need to be a whiz to translate that. The meaning is loud and clear.

So the LGBT community got upset that she dissed them that way and flooded her feed to let her know they weren’t cool with what she said.  Well of course her agent stepped in right away.  “Comments made by Ms. Barrino were taken far out of context.  Ms. Barrino supports the LGBT community and has done blah blah blah…”

Fantasia herself reportedly issued a follow-up post denying any ill will toward the LGBT community. “It has been brought to my attention that something I said was taken out of context,” the Grammy winner noted. “I, Fantasia Monique Barrino, don’t judge anyone because I don’t want to be judged. The gay community is one of my largest supporters. I support the gay community as they support me. Bloggers please stop misrepresenting the facts.”  Bloggers?  Is she talking about us?

Of course, of course Fantastic Fantasia.  You were misquoted. Just like I would be when I get my status card.  I have a bunch of stuff I want to blog about that might need some excuses and some explaining.  I am looking for an agent, any takers?