So by now you would have heard that power couple Beyonce and her husband Jay-Z are on the outs. You may have also heard that her sister bitch slapped him a month or so ago in an elevator while Beyonce looked on. Apparently Solange wasn’t happy with the way her sister was being cheated treated. What? Jay-Z was creeping on the lovely and talented Beyonce? How could he? Well before you get asking that, ask instead, “How couldn’t he?”
Rumor has it that Beyonce is upset that her husband was all up in Rihanna’s grill. Know what I’m saying? And everyone went, “Oh no! Not Riri!” And I go, “Yawn”. You see I am one smart brother. I knew all this stuff while it was still only a thought process. “How?” you asked, easy. Jay-Z is a rapper. Rappers cheat. Ok, maybe that’s like saying all black guys have big penises, which they do so that point is moot. Yeah, they all cheat, it’s the GAME, they have to play it or be pussies. It’s the life they live.
When Rihanna came on the scene, she was first signed to Jay-Z’s record label and right away I knew he was tapping it. How could he not? She was exactly the prime cut he was waiting for. Fresh and young Caribbean meat! Come on Bey! you knew that too. I know I’m smart but you are no dummy yourself…um, never mind that last bit.
So there you have it. Today you learned that all most rappers are cheaters. You learned ‘Up in her grill’, you also learned that I’m one smart brother, something you should have known after reading my first blog.
Cameron Diaz at the Shrek the Third London premiere (touch up) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Why do I bother reading these crap sometimes? I took a couple of minutes from doing meaningful work to check out the latest offerings on the World-Wide web. The first story that caught my eye was that my girl Cameron Diaz was creeping with her latest movie co-star. Of course I was interested. I like her, not as much as I like Scarlett Johansson though but still…Oh by the way, did you hear that Scarlett is doing a full frontal in her upcoming movie? Well slap my ass and call me a bitch! I want front row tickets to that. Do you hear that honey? I love movies.
But anyways, stay out of my head, Scarlett. The news said that Cameron had the hots for her hunky Games Of Thrones co-star, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau. Apparently Cameron couldn’t stop cooing about him during interviews and that was enough to set tongues a-wagging.
Pardon my ignorance but what constitutes cheating in Hollywood? In their upcoming movie, Cameron and Nikolaj play lovers. So we can safely assume that they kissed passionately while exploring each other’s partially nude bodies. In my books that’s cheating right there. Heck, there’s cheating in just about every movie nowadays. If you don’t agree with me, then tell me what exactly is the difference between kissing and touching someone intimately in a movie versus in real life. The difference is they are being pimped out to do it. Meaning they get paid to get laid. Ok maybe sometimes not laid but paid to have a darn good time. It’s Hollywood baby, they don’t cheat there. It’s all in the script.
Scarlett Johansson at the premiere of a Girl With a Pearl Earring at Toronto Film Festival, 2003. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
English: Close-up picture of billiard balls (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Women, did you know that if your boyfriend/husband has big testicles he is likely to be a dog? Well a cheater that is. Yeah, that’s what a recent survey says.
The survey, here, states that men who have large testicles are more prone to cheating. Gimme one sec, brb…talk amongst yourself. Ok, I am not a cheater. I checked. Maybe a tiny bit but that could also be due to something else. Maybe when I got kicked in the groin by my ex when she found out that I…wait a minute! Oh never mind! Damn, the survey was right!
How does big sacs and cheating go together? Glad you asked. Well as you know, the bigger the sack, the more it holds right? Following me so far? Now that means it holds more. More what? Don’t be so slow, more semen! What else? Christmas presents? You think this is Santa’s sack or something? Anyways, more semen apparently mean us big ballers need more avenues to empty our sack. Once in a while with our wives just don’t cut the mustard. No sir. Makes total sense, doesn’t it? You could say yes buddy, your wife’s not watching.
So men, what are you waiting for? sneak a look at them balls before your woman does. You know how they could be when cheating is even remotely mentioned. “Look at the size of your effing balls!! You cheating on me, aren’t you? You effing cheater! I know I couldn’t trust you! You better grab your shit and drag your semen-filled bags out of my house!” It’s not going to be pretty. Not that your ginormous balls are a thing of beauty either.