Are you dressing inappropriately?

I am going to Disney Land!

A few weeks ago, while downtown, I happened to be walking behind a couple of ‘well-dressed’ women out for night of party.  As they walked, their hands were busy trying to keep their much-too-short dresses that looked more like a shirt, from giving passers-by an accidental sneak peak.  Fortunately for them, they were successful.  Unfortunately for them, their luck didn’t hold when it came to their shoes.

These women were wearing shoes with stilt-like heels.  All of a sudden, one of them had an ankle that decided it wanted to get closer to the ground.  The young woman wanted none of that and fought to resist this upstarted ankle.  She over corrected and next thing you know, she is fighting with both ankles, stumbling like a drunken sailor, this way and that until she finally got within arm’s reach of a railing which she hung on to for dear life. Not to be outdone, her friend’s ankles decided to do the same thing and she too ended up sharing the railing with her friend. A smile creased my face as I walked past them, fighting the urge to laugh out loud.

That was the consequences of dressing inappropriately.  These women were dressed to look good, and they did, but it was came at a price.  Apparently, they had no clue that they were dressed inappropriate so I came up with some points for those of you who might be dressing inappropriately but have no idea.

If you spend your fun night out pulling the hem of your skirt or dress down, you are dressed inappropriately. Go change.

If you walk around as though about to fall on your face because you just had to buy those 6″ high heels, you are dressed inappropriately.  Watch the video below.

Those 80’s high waisted shorts are back in!  The ones that go way up pass your belly button.  Well if your belly button is hogging the covers more than your butt cheeks, then maybe you are also dressed inappropriately? You think? Doesn’t matter what I think!

Talking about shorts, if yours are so short that the underside of your butt winks at me as you walk by, what do think?  It doesn’t matter if I wink back!

If there’s no beach in sight for miles, yet you are dressed in a nice sexy 2-piece bathing suit and walking around the town, then yup, you look good but inappropriate.  Let’s call it inappropriate sexiness. Like that racist joke you heard at work, sounded good but so inappropriate.  A friend of mine on a recent trip to Disney, asked the question on Facebook if it was right for young, I mean really young, girls to walk around the beach in Disneyland wearing thongs. You tell me.

If there’s a beach close by but you saw it fit to wander off in your new thongs and mingle with families just out for a stroll, then maybe you are dressed inappropriately.  It doesn’t matter if I like it. 

Last winter, I saw a lot of young women wearing house slippers outside, even with snow on the ground.  That has to be a mental thing but it’s still inappropriate!  I don’t care if it’s warm and comfy!

Bearpaw Loki II Women  Round Toe Leather Brown Scuffs Slippers Shoesimage

You are not in bed but at the mall yet you are clad in your cotton flannel pajama pants.  (And house slippers!) Definitely inappropriate. Go back to bed!

If your OUTERwear is getting more air time than your UNDERwear, you just might be dressed inappropriately.  Doesn’t matter if I like it!

If none of the above applies to you but  your 12-year old daughter is guilty, then tell her nicely that she’s dressing inappropriately.

Talking about daughter, if you and your daughter fight over who gets to wear what, then let her have it, it’s inappropriate for you anyways.

There’s a time and a place for everything, even your inappropriate attire, it’s  in October and it’s called Halloween.

But again, maybe I’m just out of touch with the times…

 

 

Thank Goodness For Change Room Cams!

While in the change room in a clothing store yesterday, I was trying on a shirt that was giving me some issues and was getting frustrated until a voice spoke over the intercom, “Sir, your hat is still on.”  Sheepish, I removed the obstruction and was able to get my shirt over my head.

I looked up into the camera and give a silent thank you and a thumbs up to the person watching me.  The voice came back once more, ‘No problem buddy but do you always take your pants off to try on shirts?”

After the incident, I made my way to the bathroom to relieve myself before the long drive home. Again, this came with issues.  I couldn’t find toilet paper.  Right on cue, the voice came at me again.  “Sir, the roll is on the floor behind you.”  Wow! What service! I couldn’t imagine life without these spy cams customer service cameras!

Friday Folly: Me And My Anti-Ball Crusher

Something like this but different.

Thanks to Lululemon, my balls could now breathe easily.  With my wearing of all those balls-unfriendly pants, it’s no wonder I suffered from blue balls continuously. The below pic is not of it but it’s all I could find.

Lululemon has invented a pants for us men to protect our jewels.  It’s like a jock strap with legs.  I am not sure how it works but it does! I tried on a pair and noticed the difference immediately.  I can’t explain it but my balls just didn’t feel so crushable.  I dared my balls crusher wife to try her stuff on me and you know what? She couldn’t crush my nuts!

Thank you LuLu.  Now can I have some Anti-blueballs pants?

Tacky Tuesday: Honey, Unlock Your Drawers. I’ll Be Home Soon!

chastity-beltHave you heard about the new tool in the fight against rape?  It’s a new form of the chastity belt,  complete with a lock that can only be removed if one uses the right combination.  In other words, the vagina is under lock-down until the warden decides to open it.

I am not sure how effective it is going to be against a rapist but think of the daily nightly issues faced with wearing a panty that needs a combination.  Women are generally not that good at remembering things like combinations to locks so imagine the situation where a couple is about to get freaky, then suddenly, “Ahm…honey, what’s the combination? I can’t get this thing off.”  You know us men when it comes to doing ‘the deed’ we have no patience.  That’s why in x-rated movies, (not that I’ve seen any) the undies are usually ripped off and thrown aside.  So now the woman who is already in a state of turnedonism groaned out a sequence of numbers.  (I wish I could do the voice for you).  “8, 13, 34, 6.” The man hastily tries these numbers to no avail.  The anti-rape panties are not coming off.  His partner mumbles out different combinations.  Her bank card code, her ex’s phone number, nothing works.  The mood is all but killed.  “Open Sesame” fails to work also.

Now do you call a locksmith in this case? “Hello, Locksmith?  Yeah, my wife and I are trying to get it on, if you know what I mean but we can’t get her drawers unlocked.  Could you help?”  If it’s a male locksmith, he would be over before the husband hangs up.  “Ok show me this woman of yours.  I’ve never the seen the drawers I couldn’t get into.”

Panties with a combination lock could make for great fun in the bedroom also.  “Honey! Do you want to play ‘Guess The Combo’ in bed tonight?  There’s something in it for you if you do.”

As for deterring rapes, not a chance.  Well that’s unless the wearer walks around making sure everyone knows that she is wearing one.  “Don’t even try it, punk! I am wearing one of those thingies and you can’t get into my drawers unless I let you!  So back the eff off!”  Yeah, and the tough rapist would just walk away with his head bowed in submission.  “Why the hell does she have to wear one of those?  That’s like the fricking 3rd chick this week.  I am so horny today too!  Shit!”

anti

 

Note:  Rape is a terrible crime against females, and males too.  It has no place in society and my blog is not intended to make light of this issue.

Am I Not Sexy Enough For Your Splash Park?

IMG_5755_blogToday I took my kids to the splash park in the neighborhood as a treat for good behavior.  It was packed!  No, not just busy, packed!  The first thing I noticed was how I was overdressed for the venue.  Mothers in two-piece bikinis on the plus side of skimpy, chased their little ones around as if they were at the beach. I was confused.  I was excited.  Then I was sober. Wasn’t this supposed to be a splash park where kids play at the mini fountains while their parents sit in the shade and watch with hawk eyes?  Granted, there was a wading pool but it was hardly an excuse to don a full-out bathing attire.  It wasn’t deep enough to cover my toenail.  Plus, the bikini-clad ones never even got their ankles wet.  Oh wait a minute! Maybe they were there to catch a tan.  Yes! That’s it!  They were dressed to tan.  Who cares if the sun was barely out.

As I stewed in consternation and compared butts, I pondered going back home to get my swim trunks.  Just then a mother in her late 30’s or so strolled past me wearing heels.  Yep, heels with straps.  Looked really nice on her feet but for some reason, again seemed out-of-place.  I glanced up and she was dressed as though she should have stayed outside the fence monitoring her kids from afar rather than up close, risking a wet down.  And yes, she could have been at work when she suddenly got hit by an idea.  Why don’t you get up from your desk and go take your kids to the splash park?  That would explain the high heels.  But what about the shorts?  Ok, I never said I have all the answers.  I looked at my own feet in thongs. (not that kind).  Come on man, at least wear your Nikes!

Maybe it’s a sign that I’m getting old, (my birthday was just last week) Thinking conservative and all.  I need to loosen up a bit, both mentally and in attire.  Nothing wrong with mingling with kids while wearing bathing suits, right?  Of course not. It’s not at all like bringing beer to a child’s birthday party.  No, nothing at all like that.

 

Absolutely Gorgeous? Really?

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Mired in this 6-month long frozen tundra, we get excited when temperatures climb by a mere degree.  After a week of temperatures in the -40 range, -25 is cause for celebration and celebrating we do!  Not me.  I hate to feel uncomfortable and cold weather, whether -40 or -1 makes me not comfortable.  So I am naturally prone to be less than enthusiastic about a few degrees climb up the temperature ladder.

Now I don’t mind those who are more inclined to treat -15 as the best thing they have ever feel.  “absolutely gorgeous!” “What a beautiful day!”  “It sooo nice outside!” They would gush as they come indoors, dressed in heavy winter jackets, gloves and ear muffs.  Oh yeah? It’s so gorgeous yet you are decked out like an Eskimo?  It’s like getting punched in the mouth, then complimenting your opponent on a great left hook.

A year ago to the day, it was +20 degrees.  Come to think of it, I didn’t hear one comment on how gorgeous it was then…

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This is what a gorgeous day look like.

Read this with or without panties

English: A pair of white panties with hearts o...

If you are a woman reading this, chances are you are commando.  Well, thanks to a new poll, I have a 50/50 chance of being bang on.  For those of you who have no clue what going commando means, it’s going sans undies.  No not bra-less, panty-less.  So, are you? Just kidding, you don’t have to share that delicate and personal information with me.  Heck, we barely know each other. (So, are you?)  Actually we don’t know each other.  (But, are you though?) So then, should you even be reading my blogs without panties? It just sounds a bit kinky (And depending who you are, a bit hot) but maybe it’s just me.  Would you like to know I’m blogging in the buff or talking to you on the phone while I lie there in the nude? (And, are you?)

Why am I blogging about panties? Well today I read the following on The Examiner’s website and it piqued by interest.

In less than a day, the number of poll respondents of panty versus commando has more than tripled!

The nonscientific survey regarding women wearing undies to bed that has been live forsix days now has panty wearers and those women who choose to shed their pantiesbefore sleep in a dead heat!

40% of women have answered the simple survey as panty wearers while another 40% say they prefer to bare their bottom in bed.

Seven and a half percent claim to only wear panties on special occasions – seems fair to say that those women probably shop at Victoria’s Secret or Frederick’s of Hollywood.

The remaining 12.5% claim to either not know what sleep is or not know what panties are.

Take the survey here: Do you wear panties or go to bed commando?

The poll will be open until midnight December 31st, 2012.

Somewhere in a cold and dark basement, there’s a naked guy awaiting your answer to this poll.  Eagerly.  Somewhere out there, anywhere, everywhere, there’s a woman enjoying a nice cool southerly breeze…And Victoria Secret is yelling, NOOO!!

Oh, and you never answered my question.  So, are you?

Related:

http://www.examiner.com/article/women-that-go-sans-panties-now-dead-heat-with-those-that-wear-undies-to-bed?CID=obnetwork