Monday Madness: Keep Your Head To Yourselfie.

The dreaded school head lice letter

The dreaded school head lice letter (Photo credit: ChezMummy)

 

Do you or someone you know take selfies?  Do you or someone you know have head lice?  How about this, are you a regular selfie taker who happen to also have head lice?  Maybe it’s not such a coincidence as you may thing.  It turns out that the two are connected.  How? Don’t ask silly questions. It’s plain as day. Let’s put our heads together on this one.  Oh actually, let’s not.

 

I read somewhere, probably here, that head lice is prevalent among selfie-taking taking teen girls.  This is due to girls putting their heads together when taking a photo of themselves.  No idea on how the other person got the lice in the first place but with my dirty mind, I’m thinking that perhaps their partner had pubic lice and…nevermind. Too much information.

 

Closer guys.

Closer guys.

 

So next time you decide to take a selfie with your bffs, make sure you know where your head is at all time and keep it to yourself.

 

 

 

 

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It’s Almost 3am And I Can’t Sleep!

sleep

sleep (Photo credit: Sean MacEntee)

Pardon me for waking you up at this ungodly hour but I cannot sleep!  I lay there with my mind going at a break-neck speed.  Doesn’t it realize that it has all day tomorrow to think? I am hot, I am uncomfortable, I am restless.  Then I thought that maybe I should get myself a drink.  As in the hard stuff.  But then I remember the warnings.  “Don’t drink before bed, you won’t be able to sleep”.

But wait a minute!  What kind of conspiracy is this??  Have you ever seen someone under the influence with their eyes wide open and alert?  Exactly!  They are always fast asleep!  Passed out somewhere, anywhere.  Seems like the perfect sleeping pill to me.  So why lie to us?  So we won’t deplete the stock?

I tried the sheep counting thing but that kept me even more awake.  I stayed up wanting to find out how many sheep there actually were.  So here I am blogging at 2:46am.  Everyone’s asleep.  Oh, I just had some mini wheats cereal, maybe that would do the trick.  Well if it doesn’t, you know where to find me.  I’m off to give it another shot…night night.  Actually I should say ‘good morning’.

Friday Folly: Cunnilingus Can Cause Cancer!

English: Michael Douglas at the Cannes Film fe...

English: Michael Douglas at the Cannes Film festival (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This week, men who enjoy ‘going downtown’ got some bad news from an unlikely source.  Actor Michael Douglas, who was diagnosed with throat cancer in 2010.  According to Douglas, his cancer was caused by oral sex. No, not receiving, giving.

Well our parents always did warn us that our tongues will get us into trouble but they never warned us that a little licking could stop the heart from ticking.

I know what you men are thinking.  “This is so not fair!”  I also know what you women are thinking.  “This is so not fair!” And you smokers are thinking, “See?  And they say smoking causes cancer!”  Even after years of heavy smoking, cigarettes were not fingered as the suspect in Michael Douglas’ cancer!  Does this mean that we can’t call them cancer sticks anymore?  Does it also mean that oral sex should be called cancer lick?  Hmm…makes me wonder what caused Farrah Fawcett’s anal cancer…Just wondering out loud.

This better be worth it!

This better be worth it!

Have a great weekend ya’ll!

 

Sex toy or pain in the ass?

Warning:  Graphic language

 

Eel

Eel (Photo credit: rach2k)

What’s that wriggly sensation in my rectum? Ooohhh….aahhhh….I. Must. Go. To. The. Doctor. And. Get. It. Removed.  Oooh…It’s gonna make me cum!! Aarrrggghhh!!  Shit!

Now that I have your attention with that opener, let’s get down to some serious blogging.  A man complaining of wanted unwanted sensation in his rectum, went to the doctor and found out he had an eel slipping and sliding along like it owned the joint.  The man was at first reluctant to part with this foreign object of pleasure, understandably, but had to out of embarrassment.  He did however, asked if he could keep the creature.

Apparently, this man was not alone in regards to having an eel in his nether regions.  A Chinese man also had one taking up residence in his bladder.  It had apparently made its way through the head of his penis and up his urethra.  Don’t ask.  Sounds to me like a rogue eel wandering into places it shouldn’t have. My guess is it was probably fun until it crossed the border.

Could you imagine an eel playing turtle with your sphincter?  Now you see me, now you don’t…This game is getting boring, I’ll go play with the old prostate and see what happens…

The moral of this story?  Some exits are not to be used as entrances.