“Honey, what’s that noise?” My wife’s words would interrupt my dreams and bring me from the depths of sleep, unwillingly. I faintly hear a sound of something as my sense of hearing is not yet re-adjusted and tuned to my worldly surroundings. “Hmm…I dunno”. I replied groggily. Laying it on a bit in the hopes that she would recognize that I was in a deep sleep and let me continue from where I left off. It was not to be.
“What is it, Babes?” She asked. Well, we are both lying in bed, I was way off in la la land frolicking with Jessica Biel and Jessica Alba until you rudely woke me up. How would I know what was making that sound? Maybe it was a cat but since we don’t have a cat, I will say the dog. Come to think of it, we don’t own a dog so let’s go with ghost. Yes, a ghost. Our house is haunted! Wait, not so fast. I haven’t explored all options yet. Maybe it was a precariously balanced object succumbing to gravity. I like that one as it exercised my vocabulary and made me sound smart. But honey, I have not clue what it is.
“Can you go check?” Again she persists. “Hell no! I am not going down there to face who or whatever made that noise!” I declared. “Well you are the man of the house! You should.” Gosh, if I knew that being a man came with all these responsibilities I would have been a girl. “Fine! I’ll go check. You stay here under your comfy covers!” Armed to the teeth with a shoe and broom, she tiptoed out of the bedroom and that’s the last time I saw my wife. Just kidding, it’s not a fairy tale, this is true stuff.
So off she went to confront the noise-maker and rude-waker-upper. Two minutes later, she was back. Shoe uncocked and unloaded, broom re-sheathed. “What was it?” I ventured to ask. “Oh nothing. Just the furnace.”
I closed my eyes and tried to summon up the Jessicas again. Come back girls! Daddy’s back. Now where were we?
The joys of being man…