Friday Folly: Cunnilingus Can Cause Cancer!

English: Michael Douglas at the Cannes Film fe...

English: Michael Douglas at the Cannes Film festival (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This week, men who enjoy ‘going downtown’ got some bad news from an unlikely source.  Actor Michael Douglas, who was diagnosed with throat cancer in 2010.  According to Douglas, his cancer was caused by oral sex. No, not receiving, giving.

Well our parents always did warn us that our tongues will get us into trouble but they never warned us that a little licking could stop the heart from ticking.

I know what you men are thinking.  “This is so not fair!”  I also know what you women are thinking.  “This is so not fair!” And you smokers are thinking, “See?  And they say smoking causes cancer!”  Even after years of heavy smoking, cigarettes were not fingered as the suspect in Michael Douglas’ cancer!  Does this mean that we can’t call them cancer sticks anymore?  Does it also mean that oral sex should be called cancer lick?  Hmm…makes me wonder what caused Farrah Fawcett’s anal cancer…Just wondering out loud.

This better be worth it!

This better be worth it!

Have a great weekend ya’ll!

 

Scent Of A Woman

Fasten your seatbelts folks, this ain’t no movie review.  To some, it might get downright disgusting.  So stop now if you are easily disgusted, especially by smelly parts.  Today, we are going to talk a bit about women and their smell.  Well to be more accurate, the smell of their womanhood.  Or ladyhood. Whatever.

I am not taking sole responsibility for waking up this topic.  No ma’am.  It wasn’t me.  I was minding my own business reading about the Boston bombing on the puter when I absent-mindedly clicked on a link that took me to a topic that read. ‘The answer to every woman’s question:  What is it supposed to smell like down there.’

Now before you ask, “Why were you reading it, you are not a woman.”  I know I am not a woman and don’t have a ‘down there’ but as I ‘eat’ down there, I figured that I should at least be interested in what and where I eat. (Sorry about the ‘eat’ thing.  I assumed we are all adults here).  So I basically wanted to find out what exactly my food should smell like so I dove right in.  No use beating around the bush.  (Again, I am sorry if I come off crude).

What did I learn?  I learned that Vaginas are not supposed to smell like roses.  But also not supposed to smell like rotten fish either.  Somewhere in between is where is should be.  So a rose with a faint fish smell should be ok. Or even a fish with a rosie smell is fine too.

Interestingly, there was a paragraph on how a woman can tell if she has an odor.  I was expecting it to be, ‘If your man refuses to put his lips close to your rose petals, even though you have a mistletoe hanging in front of it, you might have an odor problem’.  Or even, “If your man puts on a gas mask before he ventures down under, do a smell test.”

Women, did you know that you could and should measure your vagina’s ph level?  I didn’t either.  I wonder what color it turns the ph paper? Some overly eager guys have used their penis as a ph paper and test many a foul-smelling vagina and from what I have heard, it turns them red.  Don’t hate.  I said ‘so I heard.’

I will leave you girls to go read it yourself.  You might learn something.  Me, I am going to eat.  Food silly!

And hey, if you have a strong odor, don’t be too worried. Just leave it.  It makes it easier for the dogs to find you if you ever get lost in the woods.  See?  It’s not all doom and gloom.