Friday Folly: Shocker! ‘Dating Naked’ Contestant Private Parts Revealed!!

The Dating Game

The Dating Game (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Well if this isn’t a good reason to sue, then tell me what is.  A female contestant on the show, ‘Dating Naked’, is suing producers.  Guess why? Because they showed her nude. Yep, they showed her va jay jay on tv!  The nerve of these producers! What were they thinking? Who does that?  Anything to get some cash…

Apparently, Jessie Nizewitz was frolicking in the buff with her also naked date when an uncensored shot of her crotch was shown. Inadvertently? Cash grab? She was putting a wrestling move on her date, if you must know. If you also must know, as soon as I’m done here, I’m going to scour the internet in search of this crotch shot wrestling move.

To compound matters, Jessie has also reported that her boyfriend, yes she does have a boyfriend. Don’t ask me what she was doing on the show frolicking naked with another guy while her bf was sitting at home playing the organ.  oh yeah, where was I? She said he hasn’t called her since her crotch was aired live and unedited.  Why wouldn’t he call? Don’t worry Jess, his lost. I don’t think he was ready for your jelly. Show him again what he missed.

Ok, gotta run. How do I search for…nevermind.

 

 

 

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Friday Folly: Me? Naked? Sorry, Can’t Do

How to Look Good Naked

How to Look Good Naked (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I like a bit of nudity. So what? I’m normal. Who doesn’t? You don’t? Go see a shrink, you prude!  A glimpse here and glimpse there to keeps the heart pumping.  So when I heard of the latest thing in television, naked reality shows, I of course was turned on. Err, I meant excited. Noo, not that either. What I really meant is that I was um, how do you say it, curious. Mildly curious. I am a married man!

I can’t believe they have a show where a naked man tries to date a naked woman. How the heck do you swing that? Not that, I meant that idea. I have this issue with inappropriate erection, read here, so there’s no way I could stand in front of a hot, naked, single chick and not get a rise. Any naked chick for that matter. Would that be inappropriate anyways? How about her? Would she judge her suitors based on their manhood? “Sorry, move along you and your little dinky. You are a nice guy but I can’t work with that.”  What if I can’t stand in front of her without showing how excited, err, interested I was? Would they yell takes until I calm down or send me off set to smarten up…you know what I mean? In case you missed it, I was alluding to the show ‘Dating Naked’.

Now there’s another one called ‘Naked And Afraid’, which is very much like Survivor. A man and a woman is set somewhere in the wilderness naked! Naked! Sorry, can’t do.  If I’m naked in the wilds with a naked female, yeah, I would be afraid of what could and maybe would happen.  Come on! I’m just being realistic here!  How the hell am I supposed to walk behind some hot, naked, married milf while she climbs up a hill? Maybe even on all fours. How?  I am serious here! I am an individual with roaring testosterone, I can’t do it! More takes please! I can see me excusing myself as I run off into the bushes to err…smarten up. Go on girl, I’ll be right there. I just need to peeee…aahhh! Ok where were we? Oh yeah, we were climbing up this hill. Excuse me, I think I need to pee again! Dammit! Cut!!

On a more serious note, like it wasn’t before. I am not sure I am cut out for nude acting. Nope, not me, can’t do.

Wacky Wednesday: You Can’t Date Me Unless You Date My Twin

b4c4e950-aad0-11e3-b95a-790fd49f1cec_0314twinsFellas, have you every fantasized about your girlfriend’s or wife’s hot sister? Or maybe even not-so-hot sister? Even hotter is if said sister was her identical twin. Do you ever wished that you could legally get it on with both without getting your pee pee ripped off? Seems impossible but it’s not. And no, you don’t even need to be a redneck.

Guys, meet identical twins Lucy and Anna  DeCinque of Perth, Australia. These girls take the ‘identical’ seriously.  Even going as far as spending $240,000 to get surgeries so they could look even more alike.  They share a house, a phone, a car, a bed, a Facebook account, a boyfriend.  Hey! did you hear me?  I said they share a boyfriend! Yes, the same guy.

Kinky! Weird! Hot! A man’s fantasy. Now I wonder if there is any funny business going on…you know like 6 legs in the same bed?  Or 3 sets of twins in bed? What is the guy’s response when asked who is his girlfriend? “Well Lucy and Anna are my girlfriends”.  How about marriage? Would they marry the same guy? Man this is just too weird for words…

Related:

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/blogs/daily-buzz/identical-twin-sisters-share-boyfriend-spent-240-000-164855019.html

People Are Having Texts As We Speak!

Student texting during class

Group S

Yes they are!  Haven’t you noticed? No one cares anymore.  They are having text while driving with their windows down, in their homes with curtains wide open.  I can see them. Some have group texts with friends, foursomes, threesomes, even solo texts. I am not a voyageur but I see it all the time and I can’t help but stare.  Look honey, that couple at the dinner table!  The chick he’s with is having text with someone else! Poor sap.

There’s text on the dance floor, text on the beach, text everywhere.  Their digits moving up and down in textual rhythm.  There’s no protection.  Unsafe texts but who cares?  Who cares about contracting some textual disease?  Seems like everyone is a text maniac these days.  It’s a pandemic. We are living in a textual society!

Just last week my friend who is kinda texty and also a sex fiend, wanted to get her texts on with me.  I declined letting her know I was not having text with her.  It didn’t stop her.  I had to tell her in plain talk that I found her desirable but couldn’t have text with her at this time.  Plus I was married. She ended up having solo text.  I saw the whole thing.

Some are discreet and go private when they are having texts.  Some are text whores, having texts with just about anyone that want to, or are willing to, have text with them.  It’s not a crime but it’s sweeping the nation.

I am not keen on text but if you think we should have texts, send me a message and if I find you texty, you never know…

 

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Tim McGraw Losing Faith?

English: Tim McGraw and Faith Hill at the 2009...

English: Tim McGraw and Faith Hill at the 2009 American Music Awards (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I usually never blog about Hollywood crap…ok fine, who I am kidding?  The best blogs are those poking fun of celebrities and their wacky ways. Well this one is not so wacky. In fact it’s quite serious. Did you hear that Tim McGraw and Faith Hill are calling it quits?  Yes, the one-time country power couple are divorcing!  That’s serious man.

Reliable sources, no not The Enquirer, claim that Tim has fallen for a young masseuse.  Methinks Faith probably rubbed him the wrong way…Well I for one am shocked.  There was just something about these two.  The way they looked at each other, the songs they sang…they sure had chemistry.  It doesn’t matter that the one time hottie, Faith Hill is a bit older and perhaps not as hot as she was before but still…

Damn 24-year old masseuse! Keep the Faith Tim!

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Oh Susana!

My African Princess

My African Princess

I received the following private message a couple days ago on Facebook:

Susana Yake

Hello, My name is Miss Susana Yake, I am an Africa girl, I read your profile today at it was so good to me. I feel you are the only one missing in my entered life so i decided to stop on it and let you know that i am interested to be a friend first. I also believe that coming to you will be a probability of meeting that very thing that has been lacking in my entered life. Please contact me at my email address (susanayake_a20@yaho­o.com)I am a girl with respect and responsible,i respect people also and believe if you contact me,i will give you a full introduction of my self okay. i hope to hear from you soon. Remember, all the darkness in the world, can-not put out the light of a single candle as long as the light of love shines bright in your heart, and (Remember the distance or color does not matter but love matters a lot in life cares for my future love. (susanayake_a20@yaho­o.com)

 

At first I was naturally quite flattered.  Come on! I know, I am married but who doesn’t like to get some attention from someone other than the other half? Makes you go, “See honey, I told you the chicks still find me attractive.”  Plus, what’s not to like about an ‘Africa girl’ as she so eloquently put it?  Once you go black, you never go back.  Just ask my wife.

Susana wrote that she saw my profile and got smitten immediately.  Well maybe not in those words.  She also said that she respects people.  Susana, two things I don’t understand, if you saw my profile you would have noticed it said ‘married’.  Wait a minute! How could you even see my profile if my settings prohibited non-friends from seeing it?? Zuckerberg!! Let’s ignore that breach of security for a second so I could mention the next point of contention.  Suzie, you also said you respect people.  If you did, how could you try to come between my wife and I without first asking if we would be cool with a third-party?  Not that I am complaining…

I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news Sue, but I think that I won’t be able to fill that hole in your ‘entered’ life.  As a matter of fact, there would be no ‘entering’ or filling of any kind.  I am scared that if I go black I won’t come back and my wife and kids would be devastated with me not coming back.  So I have to decline your offer of everlasting and true love.

If you feel so inclined, keep those flattering messages coming and maybe include a phone number so we could chat sometime. But just chat! Nothing else!  Nice pic by the way! Got any more? Do you go to the beach? Got any beach pics? I love beach pics.  Or sleepover pics of you and your girlfriends having pillow fights. Oh Susana…

 

She’s Young And I Am Older, I Am Mature But She’s Maturer

imagesIt was not supposed to be this way. She was too young. Well maybe I was too old but then that would sound self-defeating. We worked together on the night shifts and in the same department and I being Mr. Popular or was that Mr. Flirt? It was inevitable that we would cross paths. And so we did.

Yes, it wasn’t supposed to be this way and that was why we went out with co-workers for late night/early mornings eats or hangouts. These soon turned to unthreatening outings for two. Because of the age difference, I made clear my gentlemanly intentions. She agreed. You aren’t suppose to agree! What are you saying? I am not good enough for you? You calling me old?

She was very mature, and I am not just saying that to give myself an excuse. She was! I wasn’t and still isn’t, the most mature guy you would ever meet so that narrowed the gap and maybe put us to within a 10 year difference. In reality we were 19 years apart!  As a matter of fact, we still are.

As things heated up, I started googling May-December relationships. Could they work? But we are from different eras. She grew up listening to New Kids On The Block while I grew up with, ah, never mind. It didn’t matter that MC Hammer was making a comeback. What would we talk about? What could we possibly talk about?

We talked about music. She knew more about classic rock than I did and introduced me to Bon Jovi and others. She made me rediscover country and gave me Garth brooks and George Strait. Not exactly teen heart throbs. My younger and single male coworkers were sick with jealousy. Why me? They asked. “He always gets the new girls”. Yeah, I was known as a player. “It would never work”, they added. Strangely no one poked fun at our age gap. I was encouraged.

Encouraged, I decided to at least date for a while hoping she would wake up and realize she could do better. Well not better as in finding a better guy, just one closer in age. Unfortunately for her and fortunately for me, (It is still debatable who is the fortunate one) she never woke up. No no she didn’t die. Just never woke up to the realization .

Ten years and three of the cutest kids in the world later, coupled with an 8-year-old marriage certificate, we are still going strong. She still haven’t caught up age wise but mentally we are now about on level ground.

Ok, I forgot, it wasn’t all a cake walk, her aunt did take me out for a coffee talk and told me to ‘stay away from her, you old perv! You want her money?’ Not in those words. Then I smilingly told her I am the innocent one here. Your niece is the mature one, go give her crap, not me. Her uncle refused to meet the old sicko who was obviously playing his niece.  Good for me he did, he is a big scary looking dude. Happy to report that they all showed up at the wedding and had the time of their lives. Both aunt and uncle later succumb to my irresistible charm and now think I am Mr. Wonderful .

YOLO.