Pimpin Ain’t Easy But Think Of The Money, Man.

th-5I am exactly what you are looking for.  I would do whatever you want, whenever you want and however you want it.  I have a lot of experience but willing to learn.  The last person I was with, I lasted a long long time.  I left because it was no longer working out.  Take me!

Looking for work is like pimping out yourself, isn’t it?  You go to these interviews and try to sell yourself.  I am great! I am good! I would do whatever you have to do to convince employers that you are what their company needs and you are better than the next candidate.  Sometimes you have to twist the truth just a tad to gain that edge.  Ok, maybe sometimes even more than a tad. If so, it’s up to you to live up to that hype if and when you get hired.

Saying this, I guess I’m really good at pimping as I did an awesome job and finally landed a job. I’m back in the employment business! Can I get a whoop whoop!?  Well hear this…

I have never worked for a family business before.  I have always worked for companies that were all over the globe or at least North America.  I wasn’t expecting how different it was.  The good thing was that the pay was an increase from my last job.

On my first day, I was told I had to sign in.  What the eff is that?  I thought.  Then as I stood at the punch clock trying to figure out what the hell to do with the card in my hand bearing my name, the accountant came to my rescue.  “It’s easy.  Just put it in like this then push that.”  It was easy.

Finding a clean washroom was harder.  There were two and they were both cringe worthy.  Dirty sinks, over-flowing garbage, dirty floors.  I was scared to touch anything.  I asked the accountant who was now my best friend, if they needed a cleaning company.  “Oh we are so small that we dont go through that much garbage.  We have someone come in once a week.”  Hmmm…O.K…

At my last work, I was a spoiled coffee brat.  Enjoying different flavours of coffees with a reckless abandon, with flavoured creamers.  No such thing here.  A coffee pot sat on a brewer, filled with cheap Maxwell House coffee.  Close by were containers of powdered coffee mate.  All stuff I never touch.  I was aghast but hid it well.  Ahhhh…Coffee! I said out loud as I spotted the thing in the corner.

To sum it up, I had to squeeze my lunch in a corner of a small bar fridge shared by everyone else and washed my cup in the bathroom sink as there was no actual lunch room, hence no sink.  In fact the coffee maker had to share table space with the fax machine.  Think of the money…think of the money…Oh and in the interview don’t forget the guy said they are like family here. I love family.

The kicker was the breaks, especially the lunch breaks.  There was nowhere to go so everyone stayed at their desks working through their given 15 minutes breaks.  Lunch was no different.  I didn’t want to be interrupted during my sacred time so I took my lunch to my car and ate it there.  I went to the boss and asked if I could just tag my two 15 minute breaks unto my lunch so I could have an hour lunch.  He said it was ok as long as I let them know first.  Say what? Think of the money, man. The money!!

Ok, I’m still there so you are wondering what’s the upside.  Well except for two women, it’s an All-Men work place.  No teenagers with hangovers from partying, no drama queens, no gossipy old lady, no bosses with god complex.  It’s close to home but far from any shopping malls or stores which means less spending on my lunch break.  The work is almost exactly what I did in my last stint and the guys are actually not bad to work with and for.  One fella has been there for 30 years enjoying the perks,or lack of.  So I think I will live and when it gets bad all I have to do is think of the money, man, think money!

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Friday’s Folly: Watered-Down Beer Is Cause For Concern

thTo beer drinkers, it’s a criminal offense to serve them their favorite quaff after it’s been tampered with.  Worst yet, if water has been added to it.  The consequences of consuming the now less-than-effective-mind-altering liquid could be far reaching.  Well turns out that Budweiser, the king of beers, is being sued for doing just that.

Consider this.  You are at the bar drinking beers like it’s going out of style.  After about a dozen or so, you consider yourself sufficiently inebriated to make a move on the girl you have been eyeing up all night. You stumble over because that what drunks do.  She turns you down cold! And you are embarrassed.  You shouldn’t be!  What the heck?  You should be laughing in her face!  Isn’t that the whole idea of getting sloshed?  You walk back red-faced but sober to your corner, pick up your beer and look at it suspiciously.  “Something’s just not right here…”

What happened is that you took your liquid courage and because it was watered down, it didn’t do what it was supposed to do.  Now you can’t be a jackass and blame it on the alcohol.  You cannot have what you presumed was ‘fun’.  You feel naked without your ‘beer glasses’.  It’s time to sue those cheating, lying bastards for false advertising.  Apparently, it is also a violation of consumer protection laws.  I mean they might say they were protecting you by lowering the content but what good ambulance chaser would let them get away with that?  They get away with this and next thing you know, less nicotine in our cigarettes or less salt on our fries?

Now my question is, if you were sober when you thought you were drunk, do you still pretend you are drunk or do you keep drinking until you get drunk?

 

 

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