Are you dressing inappropriately?

I am going to Disney Land!

A few weeks ago, while downtown, I happened to be walking behind a couple of ‘well-dressed’ women out for night of party.  As they walked, their hands were busy trying to keep their much-too-short dresses that looked more like a shirt, from giving passers-by an accidental sneak peak.  Fortunately for them, they were successful.  Unfortunately for them, their luck didn’t hold when it came to their shoes.

These women were wearing shoes with stilt-like heels.  All of a sudden, one of them had an ankle that decided it wanted to get closer to the ground.  The young woman wanted none of that and fought to resist this upstarted ankle.  She over corrected and next thing you know, she is fighting with both ankles, stumbling like a drunken sailor, this way and that until she finally got within arm’s reach of a railing which she hung on to for dear life. Not to be outdone, her friend’s ankles decided to do the same thing and she too ended up sharing the railing with her friend. A smile creased my face as I walked past them, fighting the urge to laugh out loud.

That was the consequences of dressing inappropriately.  These women were dressed to look good, and they did, but it was came at a price.  Apparently, they had no clue that they were dressed inappropriate so I came up with some points for those of you who might be dressing inappropriately but have no idea.

If you spend your fun night out pulling the hem of your skirt or dress down, you are dressed inappropriately. Go change.

If you walk around as though about to fall on your face because you just had to buy those 6″ high heels, you are dressed inappropriately.  Watch the video below.

Those 80’s high waisted shorts are back in!  The ones that go way up pass your belly button.  Well if your belly button is hogging the covers more than your butt cheeks, then maybe you are also dressed inappropriately? You think? Doesn’t matter what I think!

Talking about shorts, if yours are so short that the underside of your butt winks at me as you walk by, what do think?  It doesn’t matter if I wink back!

If there’s no beach in sight for miles, yet you are dressed in a nice sexy 2-piece bathing suit and walking around the town, then yup, you look good but inappropriate.  Let’s call it inappropriate sexiness. Like that racist joke you heard at work, sounded good but so inappropriate.  A friend of mine on a recent trip to Disney, asked the question on Facebook if it was right for young, I mean really young, girls to walk around the beach in Disneyland wearing thongs. You tell me.

If there’s a beach close by but you saw it fit to wander off in your new thongs and mingle with families just out for a stroll, then maybe you are dressed inappropriately.  It doesn’t matter if I like it. 

Last winter, I saw a lot of young women wearing house slippers outside, even with snow on the ground.  That has to be a mental thing but it’s still inappropriate!  I don’t care if it’s warm and comfy!

Bearpaw Loki II Women  Round Toe Leather Brown Scuffs Slippers Shoesimage

You are not in bed but at the mall yet you are clad in your cotton flannel pajama pants.  (And house slippers!) Definitely inappropriate. Go back to bed!

If your OUTERwear is getting more air time than your UNDERwear, you just might be dressed inappropriately.  Doesn’t matter if I like it!

If none of the above applies to you but  your 12-year old daughter is guilty, then tell her nicely that she’s dressing inappropriately.

Talking about daughter, if you and your daughter fight over who gets to wear what, then let her have it, it’s inappropriate for you anyways.

There’s a time and a place for everything, even your inappropriate attire, it’s  in October and it’s called Halloween.

But again, maybe I’m just out of touch with the times…

 

 

Friday Folly: Me And My Anti-Ball Crusher

Something like this but different.

Thanks to Lululemon, my balls could now breathe easily.  With my wearing of all those balls-unfriendly pants, it’s no wonder I suffered from blue balls continuously. The below pic is not of it but it’s all I could find.

Lululemon has invented a pants for us men to protect our jewels.  It’s like a jock strap with legs.  I am not sure how it works but it does! I tried on a pair and noticed the difference immediately.  I can’t explain it but my balls just didn’t feel so crushable.  I dared my balls crusher wife to try her stuff on me and you know what? She couldn’t crush my nuts!

Thank you LuLu.  Now can I have some Anti-blueballs pants?

Friday Folly: Kate Shows Down Under Down Under

thNo, it’s not a typo.  Kate, the Duchess of York, or Cambridge, or somewhere or the other Middleton, did show her buttocks, as the English would call it, while on her trip to Australia.  Some would say she got a little cheeky.  You don’t get it? My goodness! Some people!   KATE MIDDLETON FLASHED HER BUTT! Easy there horn dogs, it wasn’t intentional. The cutesy girl-next-door Royal is not no Miley Cyrus.

Apparently while out and about doing what Royals do when they are out and about, her flimsy dress got into a battle with Australia’s strong and perverted wind.  The wind quite understandably wanted to see what Royals wear under their dresses and maybe hopefully grab a peek at the royal jewels.  It was a one sided battle but her dress fought valiantly.  In the end it got what it wanted, a view of the Kate’s hiney.   Seems like the Royals wear nothing under their dresses.  Or maybe it was one of those stringy thingies that hides itself up ones butt.

Kate was a very good sport in losing.  She reminded the wind that it was not the first time they met on the battlefield.  A few years ago in some place called Calgary, the wind tried to catch an upskirt updress moment but had to settle for a flash of side cheek.  In your face, Mr. Wind! Not so fast, Katie dear, Wind actually got some crack this time.

Seems like the Middleton sisters are making headlines for their royal ass-ets. First it was Pippa stirring up controversy with her too-perfect posterior. Read my blog about that here. and now Kate’s wardrobe malfunctions. One word to Kate, please eat because I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE…

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Monday Madness: Women Cruise Convertible Style In Vancouver

go-topless-day-282In Vancouver yesterday, men forsook the boob tube and instead took in some real boobs as women bared their tops in the name of gender equality.  In case you are wondering what that means, it means that some women are not happy that us men are allowed to let our tits hang out while they have to keep theirs covered.  I agree!  I am sure that my man boobs does not equate to the same thing as a woman’s but hey…

Now I have a small confession, you see when I’m bored I sometimes look at chests.  Women’s chests. YES BOOBS!  Jeez, you just had to make me say it, didn’t you? Anyways yes I do. Most of the times they are on the computer and I have to pay for them.  Could you imagine the breast buffet if women are allowed to bare arms breasts?  Man I could see the real thing! I don’t have to sit for hours on my puter.  I will be like a vet, “Show me those puppies, ma’am.”

Too bad women were too chicken back in my day.  They would never have given thought to such ridiculousness.  Show my breasts?  No effing way!  Heck, even my girlfriends didn’t take theirs out unless it was pitch dark in my bedroom.  This is indeed a giant step for mankind.  Oh and womankind too.  These brave women deserve a good chest bump.  From me of course, who else?

Hey, but have you noticed that the women participating in these things are usually the ones you would rather not see?  Just an observation.  And what’s with those who put pasties on their nipples?  (see pic above). Come on woman!  Are you in this or not?  It’s all or nothing.  Have you ever seen a convertible with its roof half down? NO.  Then smarten up and let it all hang out!  It’s for a good cause.  What’s it for again??

Disclaimer:  I was just kidding about looking at breasts on the computer.  I don’t.  Well not unless they are looking at me first.  I am married, remember?  To a woman who is not afraid to show me her puppies when it’s not dark.

 

 

Friday Folly: Who Are You Calling A Ni**er b**ch? Bitch!

 

Rihanna nude pictures, El Destape de Rihanna

Rihanna nude pictures, El Destape de Rihanna (Photo credit: Remolacha.net pics)

Rihanna rocks!  Sexy body, so-so voice, lots of money. At least enough to drop $8000 at a strip joint.  She has everything going for her you would agree.

 

A magazine in Dutchland described Her Royal Highness as a Nigger Bitch and she got royally upset.  She tweeted, “Who u calling Nigger Bitch?Bitch!  U ain’t even know english!  What u wrote is an abasement and insult me and the other little niggers out there! No peace out for you! Wigger ho bitch!  Oh and here are three words for u and your peeps on behalf of the black race you dissed, ‘F**k u!”  Oh Rihanna…

 

RiRi also said some stuff about evolution, race, future leaders and degrading.  I am not sure why she ended up talking about herself.  Then she later posted a photo of her with a toddler, calling him her ‘Lil’ Nigger’.  When asked how come she could use such derogatory terms but takes offense when someone else does, Rihanna mumbled something about being black, flashed her boobs, kissed her gal pal, slapped Chris Brown, exhaled her marijuana smoke, flashed her crotch and give the reporter the finger.  Such a classy woman!  Anything less would be an abasement to humans.

Oh, she also wanted to let her fans know that she’s not pregnant.  Just a bit bloated, bitch!

 

Read it for yourself:

 

Rihanna does not appreciate the N.B comment
Ni**er Bi**h Irks RiRi
Rihanna calls toddler her little nig**r

 

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Momma Said Keep Your Legs Closed Except For Maybe A Little Gap…

The much-coveted thigh gap

The much-coveted thigh gap

It is often said some girls are so tight that you have to pry their legs open with a crow bar.  Luckily for those men without crow bars or the strength to open up their women’s legs like oysters, women are simplifying things.  Men, say hello to the Thigh Gap! The latest trend among women and especially teen girls.

Girls whose thighs were once so close that they looked like mermaids, are now showing off thighs that are so far apart, you’d think they had a fight the night before.  You can see daylight through their legs now.  Easier access to the pearl.

On the serious side, our teenage daughters are starving themselves to acquire this ‘hot’ look!  Skinnier thighs equals thigh gaps.  An unhealthy practice to say the least.

I was never a fan of gap-toothed grin but a gap-thighed look? I dunno.  I have always been drawn to peep holes.  A thigh gap might be one of the best thing a wife could do for her husband also.  “Honey, you can stand in front of me if you want. I see the tv through your legs. It’s quite ok.”

So, do you have a thigh gap? Can I see forever through your thighs?  Is it naturally made or self-engineered?

An example where the before beats the after.

An example where the before beats the after.

I am not fat but my thighs sometimes rub together when I run.  This bothers me as it is a wee bit uncomfortable and stings.   Also, my ‘third thigh’ has to compete for space with two bigger and tougher muscle heads.  With a thigh gap, at least the little guy has some room to swing.  Yep, I think I need a thigh gap.

I’ll leave you with a little joke I heard way back.  At a young woman’s funeral, a man was overheard saying, “Finally they are both together.”  The person close to him asked, “Oh, her husband is dead?”  “No”, was the response, “I was talking about her legs.”

What’s better than yoga pants? See-through yoga pants of course.

Wrap Pant for yoga

Wrap Pant for yoga (Photo credit: lululemon athletica)

Apparently Lululemon does not agree with my above sentiments, judging from their reaction when it was found that the sheer material used to make the popular yoga pants, made them see-through.  And who wants to be seen through?  Anyways, Lululemon promptly pulled the pants down off the shelves.  What about company transparency? They apparently had a similar issue with their swimsuits last year.  I never noticed…

Like I said in a previous post, here, there’s nothing more flattering on a woman than a pair of yoga pants.  To me, the greatest invention by far.  Coincidentally, this couldn’t come at a better time as I was thinking lately that it’s time I step up and do my part in protecting our environment.  I cannot allow these pants to go to a landfill as God only knows what secret ingredient Lululemon adds to them to make them so addictive.  And seriously, do you want whatever that is to leak into our air? I didn’t think so.  So what I am going to do is collect them all in the name of charity.  What charity?  Who cares?  Just in the name of charity.  Anyways, can you just read the darn blog and stop interrupting?  I am going to take the pants and give them as gifts to my female friends.  Just the ones I like.  And don’t worry wifey, you’ll get a pair too.  How do you like me now?

I am not sure if Big Butt Betty should get a pair…

And in other unrelated news, statistics have shown a sharp increase in male memberships are yoga classes in the last few months.

Hey! Who are you calling a pig?!

 

Those black yoga pants!