Jillian Michaels Lied To Us…Well To You

jillian_michaels_workoutWhile in line at Supermarket checkout the other day, I saw a fitness magazine with fitness guru Jillian Michaels on the cover with the caption, “Jillian Michaels’ Secret Workout.” My first thought was, “What? She has a secret workout? What about all those videos she keeps selling? How about that 30 day shred? You mean she doesn’t even do those? She keeps the effective ones to herself? Well that’s not fair!”

Well seriously, what do you mean, her secret workout? Why is she keeping that a secret? Well no darn wonder I did the 30 day shred and it not only took me way shorter but it worked like crap. In fact I think I gained a few pounds.

So Jilly girl, what’s the damn secret? Just tell us already.

What’s Your Excuse, Big Boy?

feb06a8d-e7ad-495d-8841-d859157ac54f_What-s-Your-ExcuseWomen are mad! No no, I don’t mean you women/chicks/ladies are nuts.  That’s a whole different blog.  I am talking about women being mad over the photo posted on Facebook by a hot mother of three.  She had the nerve to post a hot pic of herself looking sexy as hell, with the caption, ‘What’s your excuse’.  I am not sure what she meant by that but I couldn’t think of one excuse for ogling her photo. Not even having a wife and kids was a good enough excuse.

Ok, I know she wasn’t talking to me.  She probably wasn’t talking to you too but some saw it as an attempt to belittle, pardon the pun, fat people.  I don’t see it that way.  Jeez, Jillian Michaels and all the other slave driver excuses for trainers say the same thing all the time and no one takes exceptions.  Don’t believe me? Watch Biggest Losers.  Heck, they are even calling fat people losers!!! Somebody better organize a protest. Do it now while I go peruse Maria Kang’s Facebook page.

Back to Ms. Hottie. So she’s posing in a nice workout bra complemented by matching micro shorts. Her rock hard abs are to die for as are her arms.  To some, she might be regarded as a MILF. (not to me, I’m married with kids).

If you are one of those who took exceptions to this photo and feel that it was a personal barb at you, don’t be.  As a matter of fact, what’s your excuse?

That ‘Gym’ Look

Have you ever loitered outside a gym? Maybe Shapes? Come on, you can admit it, we are all friends here on WordPress.  Anyways, I haven’t either.  Well not exactly loitered, maybe spent longer than necessary but nothing deserving a call to the local police to have me removed.

Recently, I was outside the Shapes gym in my area, minding my own business.  OF COURSE I WAS! HOW DARE YOU DOUBT ME AND QUESTION MY MOTIVES? Have you ever looked at the people going into and coming out of Shapes? It’s usually Shapes since it’s one of the top class gyms around.  And I don’t mean leer, I meant look, like the way I was looking.

I saw a guy walking towards the door.  He had this look on his face that said, “Yeah, look at me, I’m heading in there for a heavy workout. I pump iron.” He walked with a swagger and an attitude.  He glanced around a few times to make sure he was seen getting into a gym.

Behind Mr. muscle-head, came a hot looking number clad in lulu lemon workout gear. She walked with a brisk determination towards the door.  Her walk said, “I can’t wait to get in there and do my shit and get out.” or maybe, ‘Whose that idiot sitting in the car?’

I saw chicks walked in looking like they were on a runway, some had so much makeup, their facial muscle had to be been hard from lifting all that weight. I saw guys strut in looking like King Shit. Or just a gay Arnold. Is that what gyms do to people?

Driving away, well even a stalker must leave sometime, I noticed blondie to my left getting ready to get into her car after a hard workout.  I know it was hard because her lulu-lemon-clad butt testified to that. She saw me looking and flashed me ‘the look’.  It’s the look that said, ‘Haul your lazy ass in there and get in shape instead of sitting around out here watching us! You little pervert!” Honestly babe, it’s not like that, you see I was just in the neighborhood and…and…nevermind.