The things you see and hear at a football game.

Remember that blog I did about people having that ‘gym look’?  If not, read it here.  Well at a recent football game, I was reminded of that as I looked and listened to the people around me.  I know, I should have been concentrating on the football game but with my home team getting blown out like they have been all season, there was not much to cheer about on concentrate on.

I saw a guy wearing a pink tutu.  I found out later that it was a bachelor party thing.  Thankfully, he was wearing his pants underneath.  There were young ladies who apparently had bugs in their seat as they just couldn’t sit down for a length of time.  It was either bugs or they just wanted to show off their shirt skirts and low tops.  Those skirts sure weren’t made for walking up those stadium stairs.  I am just saying…

Check out his pipes! and skirt.

Still talking about the young women, they looked as though they stumbled into the wrong party and I was tempted to ask them some game-related questions like what was the score?  and what team we were playing…”Game? You mean I am at a game? I just thought this was some big party.”

How about the two season ticket holders who sat directly in front of me?  They amused themselves by singing along to the songs that blared through the loud speaker.  When the song stopped, they didn’t.  They leaned and sang in each other’s ears, how cute. They seemed happy that they knew all the words to Vanilla Ice’s ‘Ice Ice Baby’ and other oldies.

Why me??

To my annoyance, an obviously intoxicated chick stood up and flashed her boobs.  I was annoyed because I was seated behindher.  Security made her sit her ass back down and behave, disappointing some leering men…and a few women.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Nice balls!

A woman who I thought should have been considered as a replacement for the fired coach, did a running game commentary.  (Maybe she did apply and wasn’t considered based on her sex). She kept her section updated on the status of the players and what play they should make.  She spoke with such authority that for a second or two, I actually listened to her.  The guy directly behind her was a different story.  He was one of those sport fans who disagreed with every call that went against their team. “What the heck kinda call is that?”  “Asshole! The coach sucks!”  “You’re not gonna call that one now are you? Yeah, you put your whistle away when it’s our guys eh?.  That was a f@@king dirty hit on our quarterback!”    As the home team continued their dismal play, his rhetoric changed to, “I am getting the hell out of here.  This team really blows ass!”  “First down? They got a first down? Big deal! Score some effing points!”  It was funny and annoying all at the same time.  As the evening went on, it became just annoying.

Mr. Negative had a female counterpart sitting behind me.  She yelled at the top of her lungs at every call, every bad play and everything else. It was like listening to  bullshit in stereo!

The bar apparently was operating on a limited inventory.  At least on beer.  Everyone seemed to know this and made sure they had two or more drinks going at once.  No one likes a beer shortage. Even the ‘lost girls’ were two-fisting, which wasn’t such a good thing as the last thing anyone wants are drunken lost girls parading around in short skirts and low tops.  Scratch that, the last thing security wants.

Do you know that the people I mentioned in That Gym Look blog also show up at games?  Well of course.  With 30,000 people in attendance, there is no better or bigger stage to show off those pipes and six packs.

Know what I liked though? The smooch cam! Yeah! The camera picks random couples sitting together and urges them to kiss! Now how can they tell if they even know each other?  Next game, I’m going to try and score a seat right next to one of them loose lost girls with the short skirts.  I’ll wait patiently for the smooch cam…Kiss? Me and her? But..but…Ok what the heck, she’s drunk as a skunk anyways.

I can sit next to that next game and the next and the next…