Stop all the ‘aging gracefully’ garbage. I simply do not want to grow old at all. Gracefully or otherwise. I thought I didn’t mind but that’s before I found out that I was actually getting old.
As I race towards 50 like a kid down a candy aisle, I am searching desperately for a brake pedal. No such thing? Then how about a lower gear so I could at least slow it down? Unfortunately that does not exist either.
The thing is, locked inside this youthful looking body of a 40-something man, is a youth. A youth who still wants to enjoy the things he did as a…well a youth. I don’t want to grow up, so sue me. Well maybe I don’t mind the growing up part, it’s just the growing old I am not too keen on. They are different, aren’t they?
You know what’s sad? I see a beautiful girl at the mall and the youth in me stares. Then the 40-something says, Whoa boy, she’s about 26. Old enough to be your daughter. If she catches me looking her way, I could imagine what goes through her mind. Why is that creepy man staring at me? In my heyday my stare would have been accepted and returned with a smile. Maybe even a thought. You liking what you see? Why don’t you come over and say hi? And it only gets worst from here.
I stopped going to the bars a long time ago. That decision was made when I found I was rubbing shoulders with kids that were the young siblings of girls I dated. I knew them as babies. Weird huh?
On Facebook, I creep the pics of the girls I thought were hot back in the day. Seeing some of their photos I can’t help but wonder what exactly did i see that made me think they were hot. Then I check myself out in the closest mirror to see how much I had changed. Just in case they were saying the same thing about me. The problem is, my mirror is either lying to me or I am lying to myself because I see a youthful looking man looking back at me. Not a fast-approaching-middle-aged man.
Do you ever look at your old classmates and go “Wow! time has not been kind to him or her.” Then you wonder if they are saying the same thing about you? I have. Remember when you were younger and your joints hurt it was because you played too hard or hurt yourself doing whatever? Now when you hurt, your first thought is, “It must be arthritis.” Remember when you actually remembered?
Yep. Growing old really sucks!