How I Plan On Making 120 Million Dollars

Though marketed to heterosexual men, lesbian p...

Though marketed to heterosexual men, lesbian pulp fiction provided an identity to isolated women in the 1950s. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A Hong Kong Dad is offering 120 mil to anyone who could straighten out his lesbian daughter. I’m all in.  Straightening out is my forte. I love money straightening out.  So this is my plan of action that I’m drafting up…

Ok, you got me.  I really don’t have a plan of action.  I have never straighten out a lesbian or gay person ever.  Where the heck do I start?  All that money, so close but still so far.  Some say gay is a part of the brain.  If I knew which part then maybe I could take it out. For that much money I could be a brain surgeon.  Others say it’s just that they haven’t had sex with the right person.  I could try that and give her a night of passion she won’t soon forget. But what if they are wrong?

I am clueless on how I could make a lesbo straight, even for that much money.  But maybe if her dad wants to pay me for making him gay…nah, homey don’t play that.  At least not for anything less than $120 000 000.

So I guess I won’t be making 120 million dollars any time soon…woe is me!

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Friday Double Folly: Waitress, This Coffee Tastes Like Shit!

Green logo used from 1987-2010, still being us...

Green logo used from 1987-2010, still being used as a secondary logo. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A shitty bit of news today, it is alleged, and alleged is the operative word here, that a Starbucks coffee in Hong Kong is using water from the bathroom to brew its coffee.

Now this might sound like a big cup of crap to you but for the coffee lovers out there, this is the shit!  Who wants to add the taste of crap to their morning breath? Now when someone says you have morning breath you can now respond with, “Nah, it’s just my Starbucks.”

When approached by the media, a Starbucks employee feigned surprise. “What? Coffee taste like shit?  Can’t be.  The bowls were cleaned only yesterday.  Mr. Yen! Hey, Mr. Yen!”  (Loosely translated).

The manager, Mr. Yen apparently came to the employee’s rescue and told the media, “Get lost! Drink shit and die!”

His suggestion may have come too late for some.  Have a great weekend! And remember, if there’s corn in your coffee, it’s not a good thing.