Have you seen my cousin?

Help! My cousin is missing!  I haven’t seen her in about two years and someone or something has taken over all her social media accounts.  Whenever I creep her Instagram, Facebook or Snapchat account, I see someone or something that looks nothing like her.  This thing has rabbit ears, dog nose and flawless skin.  The mouth is that of a dog’s and to top it off, there’s a crown of flowers on its/her head.  What should I do? Should I file a missing person report?

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Friday Folly: Who Are You Calling A Ni**er b**ch? Bitch!

 

Rihanna nude pictures, El Destape de Rihanna

Rihanna nude pictures, El Destape de Rihanna (Photo credit: Remolacha.net pics)

Rihanna rocks!  Sexy body, so-so voice, lots of money. At least enough to drop $8000 at a strip joint.  She has everything going for her you would agree.

 

A magazine in Dutchland described Her Royal Highness as a Nigger Bitch and she got royally upset.  She tweeted, “Who u calling Nigger Bitch?Bitch!  U ain’t even know english!  What u wrote is an abasement and insult me and the other little niggers out there! No peace out for you! Wigger ho bitch!  Oh and here are three words for u and your peeps on behalf of the black race you dissed, ‘F**k u!”  Oh Rihanna…

 

RiRi also said some stuff about evolution, race, future leaders and degrading.  I am not sure why she ended up talking about herself.  Then she later posted a photo of her with a toddler, calling him her ‘Lil’ Nigger’.  When asked how come she could use such derogatory terms but takes offense when someone else does, Rihanna mumbled something about being black, flashed her boobs, kissed her gal pal, slapped Chris Brown, exhaled her marijuana smoke, flashed her crotch and give the reporter the finger.  Such a classy woman!  Anything less would be an abasement to humans.

Oh, she also wanted to let her fans know that she’s not pregnant.  Just a bit bloated, bitch!

 

Read it for yourself:

 

Rihanna does not appreciate the N.B comment
Ni**er Bi**h Irks RiRi
Rihanna calls toddler her little nig**r

 

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I Need Celebrity Status

Winner of season 3 of American Idol, Fantasia ...

Winner of season 3 of American Idol, Fantasia Barrino. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Yes! I need to be a celebrity.  If only for the perks, and I’m not talking about the money and the fans and stuff like that.  I am talking about the freedom to speak my mind and if it rubs anyone the wrong way, I have an agent on the ready to say I didn’t mean a word of it.

You have to love it.  I could go on Twitter and say anything I want and when people get their noses out of joint, my trusty clean up guy would run interference.  “No no, you got it all wrong.” He would say.  “My guy loves everyone.  He would never say something like that.” Or some lame excuse like that. Don’t worry, when you are a celeb, lame excuses are not only accepted, they are encouraged.  Just say something Mr. Celeb, anything.  Any excuse will do.

Take this latest example.  Fantasia of American Idol fame, took to Instagram and rants, “I Rise ABOVE IT ALL!!! THE WORLD IS GONE MAD. KIDS, THE GOVERNMENT THE church House… Everybody Trying!!!!!!!” writes the 28-year-old singer on Instagram (via goodasyou.org). “Its a lot that going on that the Bible speaks about we should Not be doing. Weed legal in some places, Gay Marriage Legal BUT YET IM JUDGED!!! I’m not doing Nothing for you… My Life!!!!”   Now I don’t need to be a whiz to translate that. The meaning is loud and clear.

So the LGBT community got upset that she dissed them that way and flooded her feed to let her know they weren’t cool with what she said.  Well of course her agent stepped in right away.  “Comments made by Ms. Barrino were taken far out of context.  Ms. Barrino supports the LGBT community and has done blah blah blah…”

Fantasia herself reportedly issued a follow-up post denying any ill will toward the LGBT community. “It has been brought to my attention that something I said was taken out of context,” the Grammy winner noted. “I, Fantasia Monique Barrino, don’t judge anyone because I don’t want to be judged. The gay community is one of my largest supporters. I support the gay community as they support me. Bloggers please stop misrepresenting the facts.”  Bloggers?  Is she talking about us?

Of course, of course Fantastic Fantasia.  You were misquoted. Just like I would be when I get my status card.  I have a bunch of stuff I want to blog about that might need some excuses and some explaining.  I am looking for an agent, any takers?

Riri,Riri Stupid Girl?

Rihanna and Chris Brown concert, Brisbane Ente...

Rihanna and Chris Brown concert, Brisbane Entertainment Centre (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I am feeling like a tool to start the new year.  I should learn to keep my mouth shut sometimes eh?  Maybe I should invest in some resolutions, at least one that says, ‘For the new year, I’ll keep my mouth shut and my opinions to myself.  Unless I’m blogging.’

Did I get your curiosity juices flowing?  It’s what I do best.  I love a good suspenseful start to a blog.    Anyways, my point of contention is Riri and Chris Brown.  Yeah, as in Rihanna and Chris Brown re-kindling their abnormal romance.  Now I’m normally not one for celebrity crap.  Well unless it’s blog worthy and I could poke fun at their expense.  Other than that, I couldn’t care less.   But when Rihanna was physically abused by Chris Brown, I couldn’t keep quiet.  Nope, not me.

So what exactly did you do, Mr. Tough Blogger?   Well Mr. and Mrs. Readers,  I went and sent a nice tweet to Mr. Brown letting him know he made a bad career-ending or at least career-crippling move.  Violence against anyone is not cool.  Against women, it’s even uncooler.  Yes, I even said ‘uncooler’.  Then I blogged about him and I Facebooked about him and I talked about him.  All bad stuff of course.  Then, I praised Riri, who I’m not a fan of, for dropping him like a hot microphone.  Other abused women around the globe thanked and praised her too for coming forward and shining the spotlight on their plight. She was like a cancer survivor.  A voice against abuse against women.

Oh yeah, I went to town on that boy.  Then within the same year, there were rumors that Rihanna was secretly hanging out with him.  No! She’s stupid but not THAT stupid.  She wouldn’t do that.  Not after showing off her scars to the world and accusing CB of bitch slapping her around.  She would be Riri dumb to go back to him.  Plus she’s black AND from the islands and those chicks are TOUGH.  They eat balls for lunch and wash it down with island rum.  On the rocks.  The fact that she outed him showed that she won’t take shit from no one.

So yeah, I didn’t believe the rumors and the other ones and the other ones.  Then I read that they spent NYE together and never left bed.  And that’s when I felt like a tool.  So much wasted emotions, wasted words, wasted tweets…All those battered women who were starting to come out of their shells are slowly going back in.

Because I made a resolution to keep my mouth shut I won’t say what I think about Riri.  I hope she doesn’t come looking for sympathy from me next time because my sympathy tank is on empty and I’m not refueling. You are on your own now, Riri stupid girl.