Obama Not Feeling The Vibes To Free Kartel

Miami 2011

Miami 2011 (Photo credit: Tach_RedGold&Green)

When Jamaican deejay and resident bad boy, Vybz Kartel, was found guilty for murder, his fans and family petitioned just about anyone who would listen to let  him go free.  In fact, they even petitioned President Obama! I am serious! They did!  I have a bit of the transcript to prove it.

Fans Representive:  Hey Mr. President, Mon. Yo dun know dat de rude bwoy Vybz him a face life inna prison fu summen him never do?  We want yo fu do someting, mon. Please Missa Prez. Bail im out fu we. Him nah do it!  ah lie dem lie!

Obama:  Excuse me? What are you guys talking about?  I am sorry but I am not feeling the vibes here

Fans Rep.: Sarry mon.  We mean Vybz, Vybz Kartel.  De Dancehall deejay. Ah him rule dancehall.

Obama:  I am sorry but my administration does not and will not negotiate the release of any cartel member. Whether they are deejays or not.

Rep:  No mon, him nah no cartel, him name is Vybz Kartel. He don’t kill no body. Him innocent. Kartel is Gaza!

Obama:  Gaza? He is from the Gaza? Now I’m confused. A cartel from the Gaza strip?  Sorry, but I’m not messing with Israel’s affairs.

Rep: Mister Obama, pardon me mon but yo ah idyat or what? Gaza is a posse.  A gang.  Inna Jamdong, we have the Gaza and Gully gang.  Vybez Kartel, he ah Gaza.

Obama: Hmmm….I am sorry but in order for me to even give your petition serious consideration, you need to have more than the ten signatures you have here.  There’s nothing I could do for whatever that young man name is.  Now please get off the White House lawn.  And for your information, weed is not legal here in Washington.

Rep: (Aside)  Man dis rass clat man useless eh? He nah do nutten to help his own color.  (To Obama) No problem mon.  Nuff respect sah! Big up!

Obama:  Irie.

And that’s how the whole thing went down.  Trust me pon dat!  (Aside) Obama would probably help his own color but considering Vybz does not like his own color and is forever trying to lighten his skin, does he qualify as a ‘brother’?

 

 

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Snoop and the ghost of Bob Marley

Snoop Dogg - Hovefestivalen 2012

Snoop Dogg – Hovefestivalen 2012 (Photo credit: NRK P3)

Do I ever have a good one for you guys. Just wait until you hear this.  You all know Snoop Dog, right? Remember Snoop Doggy Dog? The gaunt rapper with the long hair? If not don’t worry, I think there’s another person out there who doesn’t either, so don’t feel bad.

Anyways, Snoop Dog recently visited Jamaica and while he was partaking of the Jamaican way of life and enjoying some ganja or chronic or collie or whatever they call it these days, he started hallucinating.  Yep, I kid you not. He started having weird hallucinations.   Trust me, I heard it straight from the horse’s mouth.

In Snoop’s vision, he saw the late great Bob Marley and please tell me you have heard of Brother Bob, please.  Bob had a long chat with Snoop and apparently even sang one his popular songs, ‘Zion Lion’ to the Dog.  After he came to his senses, Snoop felt as though Marley was sending him some sort of message in his vision so he went in seek of the local Rastafarian priest.  Or was it a priestess? He asked the priestess if she would like to star in some DVD reality show he was producing.  Wait! I got my facts confused.  It was indeed a priest that he went to see, not a priestess.  He told his story to the priest and was told that he had to convert to Rastafarianism.  This involved a name change and the release of a Reggae CD.  He had to vow to smoke marijuana daily for meditational purposes.  He reluctantly agreed to this after some arm twisting.

Marley performing at Dalymount Park

Marley performing at Dalymount Park (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So our hero changed his name to, yeah you guessed it, Snoop Lion! Snoop Lion.  Sure has a cute ring to it, doesn’t it?  No it doesn’t.  As if Snoop Dog wasn’t bad enough…it sounds dumb.  But anyways, our Dog was transformed into a Lion all because of a vision he had of Bob Marley.  Trust me on this one.

Yeah mon, de Lion irie!

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