Honey, I’m stuck on you! I mean in you!

Like conjoined sex twins

Like conjoined sex twins

A Kenyan man suspecting his wife was cheating on him, went out and got some black magic, (No pun and where the hell does one find black magic??) and put it on his poor unsuspecting wife.  I am not sure where he put it and what it even looked like.  Was it a powder? How did he apply it without her knowing?  That’s what the story says.

Anyways, the other half of the cheating duo hooked  up for his regular fuel dip.  He inserted his dipstick in her tank, moved it around a bit then tried to remove it.  Uh oh…something wasn’t right here.  He tried again.  Nope, it wasn’t withdrawing!   He could not extricate himself from his partner’s love nest!  His wiener was stuck in her bun.  Her snapper had gotten hold of his meat.  He was snatched by her snatch. His manhood was…sorry, I was on a roll there, wasn’t I?

So while this young Latin Kenyan lover was plugged into his partner, a crowd had gathered outside. Don’t ask me how they found out.  Maybe he cried out for help.  I dunno.  But the army also showed up in full riot gear.  The fricking army showed up to watch these people have sex!  This is big!  The soldiers tried to get the husband to release the magic from his cheating wife so the poor guy’s penis could be released.   “Sir, this is a direct order!  Release this young man’s dick from your wife’s vagina immediately!”  The cheated-on husband declined but after the snatched guy promised to pay him an agreeable sum, he gave in and released the snatched from the snatch of the snatcher.  The first thing Snatched did upon release was dash to the nearest ATM machine.  To him, a withdrawal never felt better.

I am still not quite sure how what kind of magic, other than viagra, could do this to anyone. Ok, pardon me for being blunt, but after ejaculating, the penis shrinks to an embarrassing size and makes for easy withdrawals, whether the man is ready or not.  It might take more than one ejaculation but that’s how it works. Usually.   A woman’s passage is not built to allow for a lockdown.  During sex, it is a moist channel.  So how is it possible for her slippery slope to trap the slippery skier?  Black magic or not.

Sorry, I warned you that I was going to be blunt.  This ain’t your mommy’s cookbook.  To make a long story short, the prisoner was released and bail money was paid and all was well.  I am sure that the young man would never again be caught with his pants down without an escape route.  Last I heard he was having post withdrawal symptoms.