Hiding Easter Eggs/Candies

While candy shopping with my wife yesterday, I mentioned that one sure way to save money was to let the kids know that The Easter Bunny was not real.  Then we would never have to buy candies again.

She accused me of wanting to ‘spoil the fun’ to which I responded, “What fun?  We spend money buying candies to hide then we spend the rest of the time yelling at the kids to NOT eat them.  We hide them again so they don’t.  Just like Halloween, we send them out to get candies then we hide it from them.”

She saw my point but not enough to not buy the Easter candies to hide.  And I, like the agreeing dad I am, just went along with it.

Don’t Be A Wuss, Let’s Talk Race

Aside

Why do people get so scared when the topic of discussion is racial? I am a black man married to a white woman and we have mixed kids.  Of course they are curious about their culture. Whenever they do or say something that is funny, I post it on Facebook and quite interestingly, everyone shy away from it.  They like my food pics, my lame stories about nothing, my YouTube videos but me saying my kids said they would rather be black than white, is not likeable.

So, let’s knock down some barriers here.  Don’t be a wuss, we are all humans. who gives a crap about color? I don’t.  I make jokes about blacks, whites, red, yellow, whatever. You don’t like it, then you have a problem. Trust me, if we can’t laugh at these things then we are in a whole heap of trouble.

Your uncomfortable silence when I talk about my color is troubling. It bothers me.  It makes me notice that I am indeed black and then I feel different. So come on, lighten up.  Let’s talk race.  Come on, tell me a black joke.  What’s the worst that can happen?  I punch you in the face? Nah…

And that’s funny!

 

Friday Folly: 40-Something-Year-Old Man Seeks Very Young Girl

thYes I do! I want a young girl! Aha! I heard that! You said ‘eeew!’ You are disgusted, aren’t you? Well let me explain myself before I start losing followers faster than Obama loses supporters.

In my house live 6 males.  Yes, 6 including this blogger.  My poor wife! Male testosterone lurking around every corner, every inch of the house. Oh how she wishes she had a little girl to help her negate some of it.  I do too.  For her sake.  Then why not try for one?  You asked.  Well it’s not that easy.  After the third and unsuccessful try produced a boy, I made sure that a medical procedure took care of any ‘slip ups’.

When my wife sees a little girl she always comment.  “That could have been ours.” I understand how she feels and although at first I wanted to have a girl in the mix, I am quite happy that it was not meant to be.  I am not sure I would be able to handle teen-girl drama.  Oh and dating.  And dressing.  So really and truly, I don’t really seek a young girl.  Just pretending for the wife’s sake.

I mean, Miley Cyrus was probably someone’s cute and innocent little girl once…

Friday’s Folly: Shakira! Shakira! More Milk Please!

English: Shakira at the Rock in Rio concert in...

English: Shakira at the Rock in Rio concert in 2008. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

I read somewhere, maybe here, that singer Shakira loves the art of breastfeeding so much that she apparently said she would love to breastfeed her son until he starts college.  Those are strong words, Shak!

 

Now in case Shakira doesn’t know this, after kids turn 5, they usually go through a phase where they don’t want anything to do with their parents, much less their boobs.  If her son remains true to form, it is quite safe to say he might not enjoy taking time away from playing   Xbox 360 or watching UFC, to grab a few sips of milk from his hot mommy’s mammaries.  Even if it does a body good.

 

That’s where I come in.  Because she loves, really loves, breastfeeding, I am hereby offering my services to Shakira.  I love milk and I suck.  Well my wife says I do…so it’s a win-win situation.  Plus with these lips, I could suck the paint off a wall and you know that…(drum roll please)  LIPS DON’T LIE!