While in the change room in a clothing store yesterday, I was trying on a shirt that was giving me some issues and was getting frustrated until a voice spoke over the intercom, “Sir, your hat is still on.” Sheepish, I removed the obstruction and was able to get my shirt over my head.
I looked up into the camera and give a silent thank you and a thumbs up to the person watching me. The voice came back once more, ‘No problem buddy but do you always take your pants off to try on shirts?”
After the incident, I made my way to the bathroom to relieve myself before the long drive home. Again, this came with issues. I couldn’t find toilet paper. Right on cue, the voice came at me again. “Sir, the roll is on the floor behind you.” Wow! What service! I couldn’t imagine life without these spy cams customer service cameras!
The other day while sitting on my throne, yes the toilet! I heard some disturbing noises coming from the stall beside me. Being the inquisitive type, I looked under the partition to see if I recognized the shoes. Just wanted to put a face to the noise. I know, I am weird that way. I instantly saw the shoes belonged to my boss! Gurgle! Gurgle! Splat! The unearthly sounds continued…
To save him from the embarrassment of meeting me at the sink and realizing my ears were unwilling witnesses to his toilet toils, I finished my texting and facebooking and beat a hasty retreat.
I haven’t looked at my boss the same way since that experience. He didn’t seem like the noisy shitter type either! You can never tell I guess…
I swear that some people take bathroom breaks at work just to get away and they will try to stay in there as long as they could, slackers!
Take today for instance, when I went to use the bathroom there was a guy in the stall next to me. When I left, almost one hour later, he was still there! Could you believe that? Like seriously buddy, are you hiding from work? Or are you doing your work in the privacy of a bathroom stall? Some people!
This is a photograph of one’s nipple. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
The last time I said free anything was when I chanted ‘Free Mandela’ with the rest of the world. Now there is another freedom chant. It’s ‘Free the nipple’ and it is a movement for the liberation of women. Or at least their nipple. Women need freedom, one nipple at a time. No more incarcerated nips!
Now I totally understand how these women feel. Walking around with their nipples in a cup! A darn cup! A prisoner in its own body. Shame! I too would like to see more free nipples for free. I get to see my wife’s and the occasional stripper’s but that’s it. Now how awesome would it be to walk down the street with your eyes bombarded by an assortment of nipples? Black, Indian, Asian, White, a virtual nipple buffet! Yes women, free those puppies! By the way, I hope you are already working on your next chant, “Free The Clitoris!”
Is it me or is it getting a bit nipply out there?
Hey! Wait a minute! Would this mean no more nip slips????
A 36 year old woman found out she had cervical cancer while playing a dancing game on the Wii console. No, the Wii didn’t tell her that she had cancer.
Emma White apparently had some wetness between her legs from the excitement of dancing. Or so she thought. It turned out she was wrong. Almost dead wrong. Emma had wee wee’d herself! Oui!
So what happened is that she had never wet herself unknowingly before, you could ask her husband, so she sought out medical advise and tests showed that she had cervical cancer. Thanks to her Wii and her wee wee, Emma was able to beat it. Yeah, the game too.
My oh my, the joys of being young. And drunk. And on a plane. And having sex with someone you met on said plane. I guess you can call it a ‘one flighter’ or as it is popularly referred to, mile-high-club sex.
This is so ironic but a young virgin on her way to sin city, apparently couldn’t wait to get to Vegas to lose her virginity, so she end up having what I will call premature sex on a, wait for it, a Virgin Airline! Let me come clean, at least somebody is coming, and tell you that I am not sure she was actually a virgin, I just added that bit, but she was young and she was drunk and she did have sex with a guy she met on a Virgin Airline. Oh and she was going to Vegas too. I can only imagine what the little whore had planned for when she got there. Oops! Did I say whore? I actually meant slut virgin.
Crews were alerted to the washroom happenings after the slut nice but drunk young lass couldn’t keep her mouth shut, screaming like a banshee, thus alerting the crew. They probably thought there were snakes on the plane and the girl, if she was indeed a virgin, probably thought the same. Turned out it was just two young mile-high-club wannabees.
I couldn’t come up with a better Friday Folly than this. Some guy went to the doctor with a lizard up his urethra. Don’t ask me how or why, I have no answer for you. Maybe it mistook his penis for a snake? Anyways, you gotta read this! Read it here and tell me what you think.