The other day while sitting on my throne, yes the toilet! I heard some disturbing noises coming from the stall beside me. Being the inquisitive type, I looked under the partition to see if I recognized the shoes. Just wanted to put a face to the noise. I know, I am weird that way. I instantly saw the shoes belonged to my boss! Gurgle! Gurgle! Splat! The unearthly sounds continued…
To save him from the embarrassment of meeting me at the sink and realizing my ears were unwilling witnesses to his toilet toils, I finished my texting and facebooking and beat a hasty retreat.
I haven’t looked at my boss the same way since that experience. He didn’t seem like the noisy shitter type either! You can never tell I guess…
“On Monday, France targeted a command center, a recruitment center, an ammunition storage base and a training camp in the city, the French military said.” So right after it was attacked, France was able to find and bomb these targets? Did they know where they were all along? Or did they all of a sudden find out after they were attacked?
Do you notice this trend too? The US gets attacked and all of a sudden they are bombing terrorist targets in Iraq, Afhghanistan or wherever. Why the heck don’t they bomb these places BEFORE they are attacked??
I swear that some people take bathroom breaks at work just to get away and they will try to stay in there as long as they could, slackers!
Take today for instance, when I went to use the bathroom there was a guy in the stall next to me. When I left, almost one hour later, he was still there! Could you believe that? Like seriously buddy, are you hiding from work? Or are you doing your work in the privacy of a bathroom stall? Some people!
The fogging guy woke me up last night! I heard him driving down my street fogging up everything. When I looked out my bedroom window, we were all fogged! He fogged me and he fogged you too. I had not seen a mosquito around for a while so I was wondering if it was just for fog’s sake. Fogging guy…tell the little fogger to fog this!
English: Toilet paper, orientation “under” (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
There I was, reaching without thinking to the spot that I could navigate to with closed eyes. My hands felt nothing. Well nothing that felt like what I was reaching for. My eyes flew opened. No! At least there’s a backup. My fingers reached up into the cavernous recess in search of the backup roll. Came up empty. Well not entirely. I felt the cardboard rollers that once were embraced by two-ply toilet paper. Noooo! Just when I needed it most! What do I do now?
Actual photo taken during down time
I sat there, in my work’s washroom, thinking about my next move. I will just hobble over to the other stall and grab some. I just hope I don’t get caught. Just when I was about to put my plan into action, the door opened. Please just pee and leave, I thought to myself. But the intruder opened up the door to the vacant stall next to mine and made himself at home. While I waited, I browsed Facebook and Instagram. I made myself at home too. My pants were still down to my ankle but my work in there was over. Long over.
After what seemed like an eternity, I heard rustling. The next door neighbor taunted me with the loud sound of toilet paper rolling over the holder. Teasing me. I shut out the sound. I will wait.
I followed him with my ear. Zipper up, belt tied, flushed. Listened for the hygienic hand-washing then the sound of the door opening. It was time! Like a prisoner hobbled by shackles but still trying to escape, I made my way to the next stall and the toilet paper that awaited me. I prayed that no one would come in and no one did. I sat down, breathed a sigh of relief and helped myself to a generous amount of paper. A bum wipe never felt that good…
The big news of the week was how Bruce Jenner turned into a woman. Well not exactly turned into as that sounds like a frog turning into a prince. More like had a medically induced sex change. Because I’m a naturally curious person, especially when it comes to stuff like this, I had some questions that only
Bruce Caitlyn Jenner would be able to answer.
We all know that Caitlyn was a normal macho, olympic-gold-medal-winning man named Bruce. I am sure he had thoughts of the opposite sex. Well duh! He was married to the opposite sex! Now my question is this, does the surgery also alter the way one thinks so he or she no longer thinks the way they did as a man or woman? For instance, if the surgery is only skin-deep and
Bruce’s Caitlyn’s mind is still the same mind he she had prior, does the sight of her his female organs turn him her on? Would he she sit and play with them for hours? Like rub her his boobs and vagina? Just wondering. I probably would.
Another question is this, going with my hunch that the mind remains the same after the surgery, how would
Bruce Caitlyn feel the first time he she’s hit on by a guy? Would he she forget that he she is now a she and slug him for suggesting he’s gay? How do you go from liking women to becoming one? Does it mean the person had to be a closet gay all along? Was Bruce gay? If so, then disregard all the above and pardon my ignorance. I am as confused as a man living in the body of a woman. All the he to she and vice versa is making my head spin.
Note: I don’t think I can handle being a woman for a day, I might rape myself. Just think, the thing you spent all your life chasing, now attached to you permanently? At your own disposal? Bruce, you lucky dog! Good luck with Caitlyln.