Friday Folly: NJ Bus Driver Takes Matter In His Own Hands

Almost there.

Almost there.

Have you ever had ‘the urge’ while driving?  Don’t act all innocent with me.  You know what ‘the urge’ is.  That sudden and unshakeable feeling to touch yourself because it’s risky and voyeuristic.  Like me, you probably ignored it and then it goes away.  Right?  Are we on the same page now?  If we aren’t, it’s still ok. I am not here to judge you on what you do on your own time. Nothing wrong with some playing time while driving.  As long as you are not doing it while ferrying people.  Actually, if you are a hot female bus driver, feel free to do as you please.  Pretend I’m not there.  Oh and please allow me to film you. I promise that I won’t turn it over to the cops.

A NJ bus driver has made a splash, (note pun) when a passenger recorded him while he was spanking his monkey.  To be fair, the guy probably had a moment of insanity and thought that he was actually shifting gears.  So let’s not be too quick to crucify the player.  The fact that he played the game until he finally scored should also be noted.

George Simpson, the driver who was caught red wet handed, was released without pay and charged with a bunch of crimes.  Some commuters apparently complained about being hot and bothered by his display but due to common sense, were unable to take care of business.  They are suing George for undue duress.  (I heard through the grapevine that when George screamed out in ecstasy during orgasm, a few moans were heard coming from the back of the bus).

So next time a bus driver offers you his hand to shake, bump fists instead.  Unless you want to get pregnant…

10 March 2007 (Auckland bus driver)

Nothing like a little nap after the deed

It’s Just A Sperm Sample, Officer.

imagesTo me, one of the most degrading moments in my experiences with doctors has to be the time when I had to take a sperm sample.  It trumped walking down hospital halls with my rear end exposed in those less-than flattering robes with the split down the backside.  Or the front, depending on how you wear it. Trumps being fondled while I turn to the side and coughed.  Even trumped getting a suddenly gigantic-seeming Q-tip inserted into my suddenly too-small urethra opening in my penis.  Yes.  It was downright degrading and embarrassing.

It all started when I had my Vasectomy.  As a follow-up to make sure that no swimmers were making it pass the dam, I had to take a sperm sample for testing.  That in itself is not that bad.  After all what’s one more masturbation, right?  What was bad was that I had to do it while at work and it had to be in the winter.

There was a window of time that I had to get the sample to the lab by or else it would be worthless.  (Hence the ‘at work’).  So there I was in my workplace washroom trying to conjure up dirty thoughts but all I could think of was the people just outside the bathroom door.  I work in a construction business, not hot girls here.  I thought to myself,  If they only knew what I’m doing right now...The sound of their voices did nothing to enhance the mood.

Finally, after much coaxing, I was able to procure the reluctant visitor and held him for questioning.  I placed it under my shirt and close to my body to maintain body temperature and hurried to my car.  As I drove to the lab, I was hoping that I would find a close parking, I wouldn’t fall and I wouldn’t be pulled over.  Thankfully, none of those happened.

At the counter, it was awkward opening my jacket like a street peddler and extracting my ware.  I read the woman’s face as she took it from me.  Hmmm….so, where and how did you get this?  What dirty thoughts ran through your mind?  Did you use a magazine?  Did you think of Jennifer Aniston nude?   As she took it, I felt a bit sorry and apologetic for her, not sure why.

Maybe I’m a prude after all.  I am not a new-cummer or as they say, a Johnny Cum-Lately but that ordeal left me with a bad taste in my mouth.  Pardon the comparison. I didn’t relish being forced to play with myself to orgasm.  I felt raped but by my own hands.