Friday Follies: Don’t Give Miley A Hand, Just Give Her The Finger

Not the finger! Please nooooo!Lucky for me I didn’t catch Miley’s performance at the MTV Video Music Awards.  Ok fine, I did see it but I am embarrassed to say I did.  Hell, I am embarrassed for everyone who did.  I was embarrassed for Miley too but when I tried to tell her that, she wanted me to explain the meaning of embarrassment.

It took me a while but I was able to come to a plausible conclusion to explain Miley’s onstage antics.  MILEY WAS GIVING HERSELF THE FINGER! The girl hates herself and wishes she would just go away.  She poked, rubbed and prodded herself on stage hoping to find some semblance of sanity but unfortunately, none was to be found.  To give credence to what I thought, I heard through the grapevine that someone had told Miley earlier to go eff herself.  She went onstage and did just that.  In a soft core porn sort of way.  Hopefully, she also effed her career goodbye.

From what I could remember, Miley used a foam hard as a sex prop for her performance, (could we still call it a performance?).  Well I read this morning that the inventor of the foam hand, Steve Chmelar, is pissed off that his invention was desecrated and degraded.  Here.  It’s like what Madonna did to the crucifix in her ‘Just Like A Prayer’ video.  And to make matters worst, sales of said hand have been dropping faster than Miley’s sanity.  No one knows where the hand has been and won’t take a chance.  Steve added that he thinks the foam hand could bounce back from this, just like, foam?  He couldn’t say the same thing for Miley Cyrus.

I also heard through the grapevine that Robin Thicke’s wife vowed not to touch him until he is decontaminated.  The things you hear through the grapevine…Know what else I heard?  Well reliable sources said that when Billy Ray, Miley’s dad, saw her act, he texted her the following:

Miley you broke my heart
My achy breaky heart
I thought that you would understand,
That wasn’t very smart
It really broke my heart
You just had sex with a foam hand.

Her reply?

You can kiss my ass
My flat chicken butt ass
I am not your daughter anymoreth
I don’t care bout your heart
Never did from the start
What the fu** you text me for?

Yes, the things I hear through the good ole grapevine…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Lady Gaga Loves My Meat

Gaga over the meat

Lady Gaga would go to any heights to get attention, that includes wearing anything also.  Her most outrageous was the meat dress she wore, complete with hat also made of meat, to the 2010 MTV Awards.

Last week at a concert, she wore another meat ensemble.  A bikini this time, ‘a strapless, bottomless “meat” corset with a meat thong up the back.’  She even loves the meat up her ass!! Oh dear!  Apparently she was seen wearing other meaty get-ups on other occasions.

The woman loves the meat. She cannot complain when someone leer at her. Yes, of course they are looking at you like a piece of meat, Gaga!  What a waste of talent!  I am not sure what message Gaga is trying to send, except that she loves meat, so whatever it is, it is lost in translation.

At least the paparazzi always know where to find her, just follow the flies or the rotting stench of flesh.  I bet or hope that her concerts are ‘No Dogs Allowed’.