When Stars Collide

Don’t you just love it when celebs fight? It’s not like the normal fights us peons have. It’s kinda funny, stupid and dumb at the same time. And then to top it off, their twitter followers usually side with them and harass their opponents. Take Kid Rock and Beyonce for example.  Apparently Kid Rock questioned The Queen Bey’s claim to success, saying that she doesn’t have a legit hit but still is uber successful. What does the Bey say? Well she didn’t have to say anything, her Beyhive did all the talking, spamming poor Kid Rock’s Twitter page and his other social media accounts. Poor Mr. Rock, indeed.

To be fair, Beyonce has earned her stripes the hard way, by being a Queen B as in…nevermind that but contrary to what the Kid said, she does have some smash classic hits, destined to go down in the annals of music history.  Songs such as…nevermind that also. I am so forgetful today.  Part of growing old I guess.

Beyonce is best known for being half of a Beauty And The Beast relationship.  Can you guess which half she is? Kid Rock also thinks that the Bey’s body, notably her ass, is to be blamed or credited for her astounding success. Some may say it’s the Beast in her. Oops! No pun there.  Still waiting for some leaked pics of her to determine what exactly is responsible for the buzz around the Bey. Oh Beyhive!

 

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Please! Not The Red Hot Chili Peppers!

The Best of Red Hot Chili Peppers

The Best of Red Hot Chili Peppers (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If you are a Red Hot Chili Peppers fan this one hurts.  Last week, news emerged that the CIA used their music to torture a prisoner at Guantanamo Bay back in 2002.

The song used was ‘Give It Away’ and luckily I have never heard it. I also don’t know any of Red Hot Chili Pepper songs which could be good for my health. So are there songs really that bad that it’s considered torture just to listen to them? “Please! Please! Not the Red Hot Chili Peppers! Give me the Chinese Water Torture instead! Anything but the Chili Peppers!”

As expected, the members of RHCP were upset and angry.  Hard to say if they were mad that their music was thought so bad that it could be a means of torture or that it was used to inflict pain and fear.  Either way, they weren’t happy about it.

Go read it for yourself.

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He Down Wid No Pee Pee?

Pilirani-LazaroHey, did you guys hear about that guy who tried to jump out of a two-story building in trying to commit suicide? Yep. Well let’s break it down here, a fricking two-story buddy??  Come on man, I know you are a rapper and not expected to be smart but come on. You didn’t want to die did you?  The worst that could happen in that short fall was you become a cripple, you lose a limb or get a concussion.  You won’t even hurt your pee pee in such a short fall. Um…not so fast…continue reading.

Andre Johnson, a Wu-Tang-Clan (Old Hip-Hop group) affiliate, tried to kill himself a few days ago by jumping from a two-story building.  The fall did not come close to killing him but the Gods realizing what a dumbass he was decided to get teach him a lesson he won’t soon forget.  To help him realize that things are never as bad as they seem, they inflicted on him one of the most embarrassing injury.  The lost of his manhood.  Everyone knows that rappers like to brag about their sexual prowess, now we would know he is lying when and if he sings about boning hot chicks.

I tried to no avail to find out how his pee pee got severed. How do you jump off a balcony and sever your penis? Yep, the Gods had a hand in it. Now poor Andre, also known by his stage name Christ Bearer, has a cross of his own to bear.   He down wid No Pee Pee? Yeah you know me!  At least he, wait for it…had the balls to jump. I am sorry! Ok I said I am sorry!

On a serious note:  Suicide is never the answer. As in this poor fella’s case, things could always be worse.  Oh, and there are a lot of smart rappers.

 

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Obama Not Feeling The Vibes To Free Kartel

Miami 2011

Miami 2011 (Photo credit: Tach_RedGold&Green)

When Jamaican deejay and resident bad boy, Vybz Kartel, was found guilty for murder, his fans and family petitioned just about anyone who would listen to let  him go free.  In fact, they even petitioned President Obama! I am serious! They did!  I have a bit of the transcript to prove it.

Fans Representive:  Hey Mr. President, Mon. Yo dun know dat de rude bwoy Vybz him a face life inna prison fu summen him never do?  We want yo fu do someting, mon. Please Missa Prez. Bail im out fu we. Him nah do it!  ah lie dem lie!

Obama:  Excuse me? What are you guys talking about?  I am sorry but I am not feeling the vibes here

Fans Rep.: Sarry mon.  We mean Vybz, Vybz Kartel.  De Dancehall deejay. Ah him rule dancehall.

Obama:  I am sorry but my administration does not and will not negotiate the release of any cartel member. Whether they are deejays or not.

Rep:  No mon, him nah no cartel, him name is Vybz Kartel. He don’t kill no body. Him innocent. Kartel is Gaza!

Obama:  Gaza? He is from the Gaza? Now I’m confused. A cartel from the Gaza strip?  Sorry, but I’m not messing with Israel’s affairs.

Rep: Mister Obama, pardon me mon but yo ah idyat or what? Gaza is a posse.  A gang.  Inna Jamdong, we have the Gaza and Gully gang.  Vybez Kartel, he ah Gaza.

Obama: Hmmm….I am sorry but in order for me to even give your petition serious consideration, you need to have more than the ten signatures you have here.  There’s nothing I could do for whatever that young man name is.  Now please get off the White House lawn.  And for your information, weed is not legal here in Washington.

Rep: (Aside)  Man dis rass clat man useless eh? He nah do nutten to help his own color.  (To Obama) No problem mon.  Nuff respect sah! Big up!

Obama:  Irie.

And that’s how the whole thing went down.  Trust me pon dat!  (Aside) Obama would probably help his own color but considering Vybz does not like his own color and is forever trying to lighten his skin, does he qualify as a ‘brother’?

 

 

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Friday’s Folly: Chris Brown Hanging Up His Gloves. Music Gloves That Is

Say Goodbye (Chris Brown song) cover from Chri...

Say Goodbye (Chris Brown song) cover from Chris Brown (album), by Chris Brown (singer), from the film and soundtrack Step Up (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In some shocking breaking news, Chris Brown has announced, well tweeted, that his next album could very well be his last.  His reason for such a drastic move is that he feels he is no longer known for his talent but more for the beat down he put on Rihanna.  Chris is also known for singing…er…um…songs. He says that when he’s out and about all he hears is “Hey, isn’t that the guy who roughed up Rihanna?” Then everyone wants to buy him drinks and he ends up driving home drunk and/or getting into trouble.

This all came to a head last week when Chris was taken into custody for a hit-and-run case.  When he got to the jailhouse, the chief of police recognized who he was immediately.  “Say, you are that damn kid who bitch slapped that crazy bitch who dissed you to the world then took you back, right?  What’s her name again? Oh yeah, Breanna!”  The chief slapped his knees, pounded fists with CB then looked at the arresting officers.  “What the hell are you doing standing there? Let this nig** go!”  The poor officers stuttered, “But sir, it was a domestic violence case and the chick was Rihanna.” The chief would hear none of it.  “Domestic violence my ass! That chick whatchamacallher needs to be domesticated first. Now get this guy out of here so he can rejoin his football team.”  “Sir, he’s not a football player, he’s a singer.  Ah, never mind. Yes sir!”

So with that kind of fame, poor Chris is choosing no fame at all and riding off into the sunset.  Some are predicting that Riri would follow him.  We would so miss them.

Stay tuned for his next tweet.

Gang Kills Man. Gangnam That Is.

thIt was bound to happen sometime.  I saw it coming and you did too.  The most over-hyped thing to hit us in a long time has turned into a killer!

Before I go any further, I will first acknowledge the poor guy that died leaving his three kids and wife behind.  (Well it’s not like they wanted to go with him).  May his soul rest in peace.

My work is having its Christmas party tomorrow, Saturday and knowing the dj was of course going to play Gangnam style,  I was actually planning to do a dance spoof of it..  Yeah, I know, I hate the darn thing but so what?  I hate broccoli too but sometimes I eat it.

I am thinking that the newspapers’ headline for that poor guy could very well have been mine.  ‘Father of three dies while doing the Gangnam‘.  I am a father of three in case you missed that.

I don’t want to make too many funnies about this because someone lost their life and that’s not funny.  Like seriously, what if a family member was to read my blog about it? How would they feel?   Sounds like the deceased was a real fun guy, busting a move at his party and all…totally sounds like me.  I’m glad he beat me to it and halted my plan in its tracks.

Moral of the story.  Hmm…I dunno.  There is no moral.  Well… maybe dance like you are dying because you might really be? You choose.